Tomorrow is the day
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 68
Tomorrow is the day
That our son will be going to Rehab again. He is only going because if he does not Probation will pick him up and he will spend 10 months in jail.
This has been a 10 day learning experience for his Dad and I. The two of them are like water and oil....always was and probably always will be. All we know is that once he is done with this Rehab we will not let him come home here again with us.
What a dilemma this is!!! He has no job, no car, no place to live so what does he do?
How do we tell him that he needs to get a place but, not here with us?
How do they start over when they have nothing to start over with?
His sister has been allowing him to work at their shop so he can have some cash when he gets out.
How do you begin to start over from nothing????
Any advice would be much appreciated!!
This has been a 10 day learning experience for his Dad and I. The two of them are like water and oil....always was and probably always will be. All we know is that once he is done with this Rehab we will not let him come home here again with us.
What a dilemma this is!!! He has no job, no car, no place to live so what does he do?
How do we tell him that he needs to get a place but, not here with us?
How do they start over when they have nothing to start over with?
His sister has been allowing him to work at their shop so he can have some cash when he gets out.
How do you begin to start over from nothing????
Any advice would be much appreciated!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
10 months in jail, for me as a mom, was a blessing...it allowed my kids (yes kids) to get their head on straight. Was it a fix for them? Nope.
Yes, I did allow them to come home after the first several jail stays. Then, I didn't as it was to painful and I wanted peace.
If he wants to get sober and stay that way...there are sober living homes (look under Oxford homes) and they are usually very reasonable with some structure gears toward sobriety. They require you to have a job, go to meetings etc.
I do know how resources an addict is.....I would worry about the no car, no job, and no home. They would end up sleeping on someone couch and bouncing around. If even they happen to have all or one of those things....they usually lost it due to their irresponsible addict behavior.
One they embrace sobriety, then they can hold onto this important things (for you and I).
Yes, I did allow them to come home after the first several jail stays. Then, I didn't as it was to painful and I wanted peace.
If he wants to get sober and stay that way...there are sober living homes (look under Oxford homes) and they are usually very reasonable with some structure gears toward sobriety. They require you to have a job, go to meetings etc.
I do know how resources an addict is.....I would worry about the no car, no job, and no home. They would end up sleeping on someone couch and bouncing around. If even they happen to have all or one of those things....they usually lost it due to their irresponsible addict behavior.
One they embrace sobriety, then they can hold onto this important things (for you and I).
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Plink, in our experience, the rehab will assist them in getting after care (sober living) and that is usually at a reduced cost. I highly recommend that you remove ALL options for your son. Let him go to rehab understanding there are NO safety nets. That really is letting them get to their bottom, and from there, many addicts do find a way to sobriety.
I am happy to hear you are not going to let him come back into your life to upset your serenity and peace. Sending prayers that you will have peace knowing this is NOT your battle to worry about.
TT
I am happy to hear you are not going to let him come back into your life to upset your serenity and peace. Sending prayers that you will have peace knowing this is NOT your battle to worry about.
TT
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
My AS has been in and out of rehab and jail for 10 years. He is now 28 and has his own low income apt. but isn't doing too well and slipping into old ways.
I've always let him come back home in the past, even after a short stint of him being homeless. Now he has to figure out how to make it work. Part of him wants to stop using, but he always goes back to self medicating when things go wrong.
The good news.....he has learned some things in rehab that I pray will stick. They do plant the seeds of recovery and addicts know there is help if they want i.
His condition is complicated by mental illness, some of which is exacerbated by his using. However, he can go to mental health for counseling and services.
I'm still learning how to let go and let God. It's scary every day, even though I know my fear is a lack of faith. However, I know deep down, I am doing more of a disservice to him by letting him come home. He becomes too dependent on me and never learns the tools to be more independent. I have also learned that we strip our addict children of the dignity of allowing them to learn how to help themselves.
There are options for after care and transitions available in rehab, as others have said. Take advantage of the time he is there to work on yourself and enjoy the break from the madness.
I truly do understand your concerns. Hang in there.
I've always let him come back home in the past, even after a short stint of him being homeless. Now he has to figure out how to make it work. Part of him wants to stop using, but he always goes back to self medicating when things go wrong.
The good news.....he has learned some things in rehab that I pray will stick. They do plant the seeds of recovery and addicts know there is help if they want i.
His condition is complicated by mental illness, some of which is exacerbated by his using. However, he can go to mental health for counseling and services.
I'm still learning how to let go and let God. It's scary every day, even though I know my fear is a lack of faith. However, I know deep down, I am doing more of a disservice to him by letting him come home. He becomes too dependent on me and never learns the tools to be more independent. I have also learned that we strip our addict children of the dignity of allowing them to learn how to help themselves.
There are options for after care and transitions available in rehab, as others have said. Take advantage of the time he is there to work on yourself and enjoy the break from the madness.
I truly do understand your concerns. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
I understand your worries. My AH is in rehab now. He has also lost his job and car due to his use. He will unfortunately lose his family and home next if sobriety does not become his focus. It's a scary thought picturing our loved one wandering the earth with no money, food, transportation, etc knowing we could help by giving them a few bucks for food, etc. But in the end that enabling will hurt them more. And us. I'm slowly learning this. Accepting it is the hard part.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 5
I do understand your concerns..my AD is losing everything and still does nothing to stay the madness.
I worry about her every minute of every day... I have custody of my grand daughter because of neglect and abuse...
My daughter had made every argument there is very manipulative in trying to get money..
As it stands now she will lose her low income housing and federal aid benefits and will be homeless
I know she qualifies for state paid rehab.. That there are sober living facilities she can get into once she completes rehab and so i haven't helped her financially but it goes against every instinct a mother has doesn't it...
My head knows she has to hit rock bottom but My Heart is broken.
Tough love is Tough on all involved..
Prayers are with you and yours
I worry about her every minute of every day... I have custody of my grand daughter because of neglect and abuse...
My daughter had made every argument there is very manipulative in trying to get money..
As it stands now she will lose her low income housing and federal aid benefits and will be homeless
I know she qualifies for state paid rehab.. That there are sober living facilities she can get into once she completes rehab and so i haven't helped her financially but it goes against every instinct a mother has doesn't it...
My head knows she has to hit rock bottom but My Heart is broken.
Tough love is Tough on all involved..
Prayers are with you and yours
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