The only change is within ourselves
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 117
The only change is within ourselves
Hi all,
I have never shared my story because as I have read all of your stories, they resonate and are the same story, different individual.
I have been reading and healing for over a year now. Through this experience, I have found a lot of strength from those of you who have strength, experience, and hope, along with a myriad of other coping mechanisms.
My recovering ex boyfriend (not my business if he is clean or not) has kept in contact with me this past year while he has been getting clean from heroin, finding himself, paying his probation fines, getting his license back, finding a job, dealing with the loss of his mother due to overdose, dealing with his anxiety, etc. (noticing the pattern of the "me" syndrome). I realized that in our conversations, that he has never asked about me and if I ask for something that he is very busy and is appalled at my selfish needs.
What I have learned from all of you is that actions are the only qualifier in recovery. While I am happy for his strides, as I am a master enabler for a master manipulator, I find myself asking would I want this behavior for my friends or daughter. No.!
I think it was easy to fall in love with who I thought he was in the beginning and idolize the fantasy of who he wanted me to think he was. It is very sad, but also liberating to know that one year later, I am not blaming myself but realizing that there is so much more to life.
Thank you for sharing your stories as they have helped me learn. Thank you to those who have kept it real and shared the reality by keeping it real and to the point.
I have never shared my story because as I have read all of your stories, they resonate and are the same story, different individual.
I have been reading and healing for over a year now. Through this experience, I have found a lot of strength from those of you who have strength, experience, and hope, along with a myriad of other coping mechanisms.
My recovering ex boyfriend (not my business if he is clean or not) has kept in contact with me this past year while he has been getting clean from heroin, finding himself, paying his probation fines, getting his license back, finding a job, dealing with the loss of his mother due to overdose, dealing with his anxiety, etc. (noticing the pattern of the "me" syndrome). I realized that in our conversations, that he has never asked about me and if I ask for something that he is very busy and is appalled at my selfish needs.
What I have learned from all of you is that actions are the only qualifier in recovery. While I am happy for his strides, as I am a master enabler for a master manipulator, I find myself asking would I want this behavior for my friends or daughter. No.!
I think it was easy to fall in love with who I thought he was in the beginning and idolize the fantasy of who he wanted me to think he was. It is very sad, but also liberating to know that one year later, I am not blaming myself but realizing that there is so much more to life.
Thank you for sharing your stories as they have helped me learn. Thank you to those who have kept it real and shared the reality by keeping it real and to the point.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You're a fast learner, Jorganss, it took me years and years to finally figure out what you know in your heart today.
I too learned the most from those who went before me and from those who walked with me on this journey. The gift of clarity, to see things as they really are instead of how I thought they were or wish they were again, was huge in accepting that I could do nothing about my son's addiction. That was my Step 1...we admitted we were powerless over others/addiction/drugs, and my life had become unmanageable.
From that point on, I committed myself to recovery, to MY recovery and I have never looked back.
I am glad you are walking with us on your journey. You learn from us...we learn from you...that's how it works, one codie helping another.
Hugs
I too learned the most from those who went before me and from those who walked with me on this journey. The gift of clarity, to see things as they really are instead of how I thought they were or wish they were again, was huge in accepting that I could do nothing about my son's addiction. That was my Step 1...we admitted we were powerless over others/addiction/drugs, and my life had become unmanageable.
From that point on, I committed myself to recovery, to MY recovery and I have never looked back.
I am glad you are walking with us on your journey. You learn from us...we learn from you...that's how it works, one codie helping another.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Jorgenss 
I think it was easy to fall in love with who I thought he was in the beginning and idolize the fantasy of who he wanted me to think he was.
I was a slow learner and it took many years for me to get to where you are.
Good job, gal!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
Jorgenss ... you are a hug to everyone who crosses your path. You have insight and are a gentle soul. Believe in all of the good things that you are. Thank you for sharing yourself with anyone who needs to know that they are not alone.
Tis an honor to have you here.
Tis an honor to have you here.
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