hurting heart
 

I've posted a few times with my story so I wont repeat it. I did finally make him leave 6 months ago. We tried once after he left but he wasnt working a good program so we never made it. For the last 4 months, I have stayed away with mostly success using tough love except my heart is still sooo broken. I loved this man a stupid amount!! Xmas he messaged so I spoke to him. Not about us just about him and life. He let me know last night he is using oxy and has decided to get clean. It makes me so sad. I listened to him and he thanked me. He wants to be friends but it hurts sometimes. I think I had hoped he would finally do the right thing and get his act together. Nothing like that for a reality check. I think I had hoped deep down for a different outcome. I hate how long getting over him is taking. Sorry, just needed to vent!

It takes time, Jenny, but in time you will hurt less and then less again. My prayers go out for him, his words mean nothing without actions and my guess is that he just isn't ready.

Keeping a distance is good, you vision is clearer from afar.

Hugs

I think, Jenny, there are some wounds that don't heal. We always have some people that, for good or for ill, we carry with us. I have mine, you have yours. The question is how do we learn to carry them without it causing us day-to-day pain. There is no easy answer to that, but I think a big part of it is accepting that we do carry them, and then we adapt based on that.

The holidays always have a way of amplifying intense feelings, and I'm sorry that you had to go through that. But I'm not sorry that he's not in your life in that way. For as bad as you feel right now, things would be a thousand times worse if you were immersed in his world 24/7. I suspect you know this, and perhaps you're looking for reassurance that you're going to be OK.

Yes, you will be OK. Give yourself time, and do all the things you need to do to get through the day.

Thank you zoso. Yes, you are right I know I am better off not in his world. You are also right I just wanted to hear I will be ok. Thank you so much for your words!

I'm in a very similar situation as you Jenny. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I've been broken up with my ex going on 5+ months. There are good days and bad days, it does get easier. Keep coming back.

Have you considered going to al anon?

I agree that the holidays are more difficult, especially that "first one" without our significant other. As Zoso77 said, whenever I felt sad during this past xmas and new year's, I tried to remind myself of what kind of a xmas and new year's I would have had if I was still in a relationship dealing with my ex. It probably would have been a much worse holiday season for me. I'll gladly take the occasional moments of sadness over one more day of that insanity. And it's true what everyone has said, about it being easier as time goes on. I remember back to earlier this year, when I was hurting so badly over the break up, it literally almost hurt to breathe. Almost every moment of the day. Now, my moments like that are extremely rare, thankfully. You are definitely going to be OK.

Holidays are hard. And really, staying in contact with him is making the duration of your hurt even longer.

Someone just said in another forum, Short Term Pain for Long Term Gain.....and that is so true. Six months is not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things. The true healing will come when you go no contact with him and have no idea what he is thinking, doing, etc. Then YOU can heal, it 's not about him anymore.

Hugs to you.