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just served my ASTBEH

Old 01-04-2016, 08:46 AM
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just served my ASTBEH

I don't think I used the correct abbreviation ?

But, he signed, called me mad as I wasn't home. He said I got something I had to sign for. I said did you open
it , he said he didn't have to. I told him I couldn't love him well and that I wasn't happy . He said goodbye and hung up . I've waited almost 2 hours and still he hasn't called back. I'm worried he'll do something to himself and I know I don't have control over that. However, if he's playing me, how long do I wait?

They should write a book on how to do this with all the answers.
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Old 01-04-2016, 08:49 AM
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Is this for a divorce? Once he's served, your attorney will proceed with or without his signature.

I wouldn't wait by the phone for any kind of communication. He doesn't have to tell you what he's doing.
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Old 01-04-2016, 09:07 AM
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I wouldn't contact him.
As bimini says, he is under no obligation to discuss this with you
and it may be in both of your best interests to leave it to the lawyers,
especially if (for some reason) you are still living together?
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Old 01-04-2016, 11:02 AM
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I would like to go home but am worried what to expect walking in the door. What's his attitude, or do I not go home . I want to stay in the house.
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Old 01-04-2016, 11:05 AM
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So, it was a divorce and you still live with him? Do you have any where else you can go?

If you fear for your safety don't go back. Call a Domestic Violence hotline and ask them what to do.

If you want the house and he does too then the court will have to decide. If you two own it together it will be worked out in the divorce.

Don't go back if you fear he will be violent. The DV people will know what to do.
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Old 01-04-2016, 11:09 AM
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Is he a threat to your safety?
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Old 01-04-2016, 12:30 PM
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If you are really worried he will do something to himself, call 911 and explain the situation to them. Did he say he was going to hurt himself or has he threatened to in the past?

He is a grown man and you are not responsible for him.

My ex told me he was going to kill himself when I broke up with him. I thought that I had to stay there for him. I didn't know then that this is a manipulation tactic and my poor ex wasn't the first to use it. It is really an awful, awful thing to threaten just to control another person. It wasn't until reading a post on here about it that I started to understand how I'd been duped.

Most people if they really want to hurt themselves will just DO IT and not talk about it. If they want to control and manipulate you, they will claim they are going to do it. That said, suicide threats should always be taken seriously.

If you have a real concern, 911 can send somebody to check on him. They are trained and equipped to provide help if he's really needs it. If he's BSing, he will be quick enough to tell them there is no problem.

I wish I had known to call 911 for my ex rather than being dragged into his awful manipulation tactics.
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Old 01-05-2016, 09:55 AM
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Does he have any close friends or family you can let know what is going on and maybe they could check on him?

When I kicked my X out, the lovely people at Celebrate Recovery, who are also good friends, told me they got this, and for me to take care of myself and my children. It was a huge relief I will forever be grateful for.

Many hugs. I thought my X was truly suicidal. In looking back, I realize he used that as manipulation and was never really suicidal, it was just my own fear. He was in a bad place, but not suicidal.

So if you truly fear that, call 911 and ask for a well check, which they will do. It's time for you to step back from all of this now in my opinion.

Many hugs.
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