10 Things You Need to Know Before Dating An Addict
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10 Things You Need to Know Before Dating An Addict
10 Things You Need to Know Before Dating An Addict
~unknown
#1: Get used to second place
When you are dating an addict, it goes without saying that you and your feelings will always play runner-up to drugs. As addicts, we don’t intentionally choose substances over our loved ones, but when our minds become consumed with the fire of addiction nothing else matters.
We instinctively and franticly seek out drugs in order to avoid withdrawal, then survey the damage after it’s all said and done. Knowing this ahead of time can help you prevent a broken heart.
#2: Don’t give your trust away
Ask anyone who’s struggled with addiction if they were trustworthy while actively abusing drugs; they’ll likely answer that question with a chuckle. That’s because the very nature of this disease prompts us to lie and cover our tracks. When you start dating an addict, make him earn your trust.
If you skip this step and willingly believe everything he says, you’re setting yourself up for heartache.
#3: The uncertainty
Addiction is something that changes us for a lifetime. Even when we get sober, we still have to manage our environment and our feelings. That’s just the way it goes and, for the most part, we’re able to deal with it. For our significant others, however, the uncertainty can be difficult to navigate.
The truth is that some days are better than others, but one little slip up can set us back in the blink of an eye. Honestly ask yourself if this kind of anxiety and uncertainly is something you can handle.
#4: Trading one addiction for another
As addicts, most – if not all – of us have addictive personalities. If you start dating someone who’s trying to get or stay off drugs, they’ll often swap the chemical dependency for another vice. Some might go from abusing cocaine to chain smoking cigarettes.
There’s also a good possibility that she will grow dependent on you. Don’t let your relationship serve as an addiction substitute.
#5: Setting realistic expectations
Look, everyone has skeletons in their closets…and that’s okay! We’ve all made some questionable decisions in life or inadvertently hurt the people we love. The important thing to focus on is how a person acknowledges his or her mistakes and moves forward. For some addicts, moving forward can be hard. If you’re dating someone who refuses to acknowledge his past and resists moving forward, it’s a safe bet your relationship is going nowhere fast.
#6: The emotions run deep
In order to overcome addiction, we have to get honest with everyone in our lives. That means, as your significant other learns how to live a sober life, the two of you will probably spend a lot of time talking about his problems, frustrations and emotions.
Ask yourself if you’re prepared to take on the responsibility of these emotions; if not, it’s best to end the relationship and spare him the heartache.
#7: The baggage of addiction
Without a doubt, addicts bring some unique baggage to the table. By the time you come into the picture, chances are he’s accrued a colorful mixture of debt, legal problems or fractured family relationships.
If you continue the relationship, these issues could potentially affect you in the future.
#8: Offering advice… when asked
If you go into the relationship with eyes wide open, then you have to acknowledge and come to terms with the fact that your love interest is chemically dependent. You may not like the idea that he is addicted, but you have to realize you cannot change him.
In order to achieve sobriety, that desire and drive has to come from within. Don’t try to talk him into getting sober. It doesn’t work that way.
#9: Don’t be naïve
There’s a huge difference between being realistic and being naïve. If you know your partner is actively using, be smart. Don’t leave your wallet laying around for him to prowl through or hand over your debit card for him to go grocery shopping.
Additionally, you’ll want to realistically evaluate what he tells you. For example, if he comes in at 3 a.m. smelling of liquor, stumbling and slurring his words, it’s obvious that he’s been drinking. Don’t be willing to let him spin yarns and deny what you instinctively know to be true.
#10: Working around addiction
If you’re dating someone in recovery, managing relapse triggers will be pivotal. Depending on his drug of choice, your social calendar needs to be very specific. For example, if he’s a recovering alcoholic, spending date night at a local bar is likely a dangerous decision. People, places and things serve as powerful relapse triggers and can send him hurdling back into the jaws of active addiction. When dating an addict, it’s always better safe than sorry.
~unknown
#1: Get used to second place
When you are dating an addict, it goes without saying that you and your feelings will always play runner-up to drugs. As addicts, we don’t intentionally choose substances over our loved ones, but when our minds become consumed with the fire of addiction nothing else matters.
We instinctively and franticly seek out drugs in order to avoid withdrawal, then survey the damage after it’s all said and done. Knowing this ahead of time can help you prevent a broken heart.
#2: Don’t give your trust away
Ask anyone who’s struggled with addiction if they were trustworthy while actively abusing drugs; they’ll likely answer that question with a chuckle. That’s because the very nature of this disease prompts us to lie and cover our tracks. When you start dating an addict, make him earn your trust.
If you skip this step and willingly believe everything he says, you’re setting yourself up for heartache.
#3: The uncertainty
Addiction is something that changes us for a lifetime. Even when we get sober, we still have to manage our environment and our feelings. That’s just the way it goes and, for the most part, we’re able to deal with it. For our significant others, however, the uncertainty can be difficult to navigate.
The truth is that some days are better than others, but one little slip up can set us back in the blink of an eye. Honestly ask yourself if this kind of anxiety and uncertainly is something you can handle.
#4: Trading one addiction for another
As addicts, most – if not all – of us have addictive personalities. If you start dating someone who’s trying to get or stay off drugs, they’ll often swap the chemical dependency for another vice. Some might go from abusing cocaine to chain smoking cigarettes.
There’s also a good possibility that she will grow dependent on you. Don’t let your relationship serve as an addiction substitute.
#5: Setting realistic expectations
Look, everyone has skeletons in their closets…and that’s okay! We’ve all made some questionable decisions in life or inadvertently hurt the people we love. The important thing to focus on is how a person acknowledges his or her mistakes and moves forward. For some addicts, moving forward can be hard. If you’re dating someone who refuses to acknowledge his past and resists moving forward, it’s a safe bet your relationship is going nowhere fast.
#6: The emotions run deep
In order to overcome addiction, we have to get honest with everyone in our lives. That means, as your significant other learns how to live a sober life, the two of you will probably spend a lot of time talking about his problems, frustrations and emotions.
Ask yourself if you’re prepared to take on the responsibility of these emotions; if not, it’s best to end the relationship and spare him the heartache.
#7: The baggage of addiction
Without a doubt, addicts bring some unique baggage to the table. By the time you come into the picture, chances are he’s accrued a colorful mixture of debt, legal problems or fractured family relationships.
If you continue the relationship, these issues could potentially affect you in the future.
#8: Offering advice… when asked
If you go into the relationship with eyes wide open, then you have to acknowledge and come to terms with the fact that your love interest is chemically dependent. You may not like the idea that he is addicted, but you have to realize you cannot change him.
In order to achieve sobriety, that desire and drive has to come from within. Don’t try to talk him into getting sober. It doesn’t work that way.
#9: Don’t be naïve
There’s a huge difference between being realistic and being naïve. If you know your partner is actively using, be smart. Don’t leave your wallet laying around for him to prowl through or hand over your debit card for him to go grocery shopping.
Additionally, you’ll want to realistically evaluate what he tells you. For example, if he comes in at 3 a.m. smelling of liquor, stumbling and slurring his words, it’s obvious that he’s been drinking. Don’t be willing to let him spin yarns and deny what you instinctively know to be true.
#10: Working around addiction
If you’re dating someone in recovery, managing relapse triggers will be pivotal. Depending on his drug of choice, your social calendar needs to be very specific. For example, if he’s a recovering alcoholic, spending date night at a local bar is likely a dangerous decision. People, places and things serve as powerful relapse triggers and can send him hurdling back into the jaws of active addiction. When dating an addict, it’s always better safe than sorry.
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