Feeling frozen, paralyzed.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Do you have access to the bank account? If so, now would be a good time to transfer a goodly amount to your own account that he will not have access to. This money can be used to pay bills, buy groceries and necessities and perhaps even to build an "escape" fund, should you decided to leave this situation.
If not, then perhaps engaging family or friends to intervene and make sure that you are financially secure enough to eat and pay bills.
This is very sick and controlling behaviour on his part, please don't let it lead to a physical or emotional confrontation, it IS abuse no matter how you look at it.
I hope you find a way to ensure your care and that of your children, if you have any, are well taken care of.
Good luck dear.
Hugs
If not, then perhaps engaging family or friends to intervene and make sure that you are financially secure enough to eat and pay bills.
This is very sick and controlling behaviour on his part, please don't let it lead to a physical or emotional confrontation, it IS abuse no matter how you look at it.
I hope you find a way to ensure your care and that of your children, if you have any, are well taken care of.
Good luck dear.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Hi tlb88,
It could mean nothing, or it could mean something.
The point is your reaction to it and what you think it could mean. That is what is causing you stress and is how we do become when living around the craziness of addiction.
I had a look back at some of your old threads and see that you have been living in this situation for a long time.
It also sounds as though he has pretty much been in active addiction nearly the whole time you two have been married?
So nothing changes unless you do.
Do you have any support or go to any meetings?
Big hugs.
It could mean nothing, or it could mean something.
The point is your reaction to it and what you think it could mean. That is what is causing you stress and is how we do become when living around the craziness of addiction.
I had a look back at some of your old threads and see that you have been living in this situation for a long time.
It also sounds as though he has pretty much been in active addiction nearly the whole time you two have been married?
So nothing changes unless you do.
Do you have any support or go to any meetings?
Big hugs.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by Ann 
Do you have access to the bank account? If so, now would be a good time to transfer a goodly amount to your own account that he will not have access to. This money can be used to pay bills, buy groceries and necessities and perhaps even to build an "escape" fund, should you decided to leave this situation.
If not, then perhaps engaging family or friends to intervene and make sure that you are financially secure enough to eat and pay bills.
This is very sick and controlling behaviour on his part, please don't let it lead to a physical or emotional confrontation, it IS abuse no matter how you look at it.
I hope you find a way to ensure your care and that of your children, if you have any, are well taken care of.
Good luck dear.
Hugs
If not, then perhaps engaging family or friends to intervene and make sure that you are financially secure enough to eat and pay bills.
This is very sick and controlling behaviour on his part, please don't let it lead to a physical or emotional confrontation, it IS abuse no matter how you look at it.
I hope you find a way to ensure your care and that of your children, if you have any, are well taken care of.
Good luck dear.
Hugs
I may have misunderstood and so just clarifying - how is it abuse if it is HIS wallet?
I am not saying it isn't, I just don't quite understand.
Unless it's a shared bank account and he is preventing her from accessing it?
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere under the rainbow
Posts: 48
I have one friend, but she lives far away and I don't see her much. I have tried Alanon, it does help. My family lives 800 miles away 
. Thank you all for your love and input, I do not feel as alone. I guess it comes down to just taking care of myself and deciding when enough is enough. I keep telling myself "the next thing he does, I'll do something to change the situation" like leave, but every time something happens I get paralyzed and do nothing. I guess until I am strong enough, the best course is to take care of myself and remove myself from the craziness. Thanks all!
. Thank you all for your love and input, I do not feel as alone. I guess it comes down to just taking care of myself and deciding when enough is enough. I keep telling myself "the next thing he does, I'll do something to change the situation" like leave, but every time something happens I get paralyzed and do nothing. I guess until I am strong enough, the best course is to take care of myself and remove myself from the craziness. Thanks all!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
Sometimes, it takes a while for us to open our eyes, even if we already know it's not a good situation. The day comes when we have had enough. When we cannot do this one more hour.
I remember when my exABF who always owed me a huge sum of money ... received taxes of 7k+ and all I expected was 1k. He hid his pants under his pillow. I removed 200 and he never knew. I admitted it to him before he died. He said he was happy that I got something. He said he wishes he had given me the 1k. It's moments like that where he understood how wrong the whole mess was. Yet he was not interested in ending it.
And my insanity as I removed his pillow and the 200$
Please be kind to yourself. Hugs, Joie
I remember when my exABF who always owed me a huge sum of money ... received taxes of 7k+ and all I expected was 1k. He hid his pants under his pillow. I removed 200 and he never knew. I admitted it to him before he died. He said he was happy that I got something. He said he wishes he had given me the 1k. It's moments like that where he understood how wrong the whole mess was. Yet he was not interested in ending it.
And my insanity as I removed his pillow and the 200$
Please be kind to yourself. Hugs, Joie
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