Firesong

I just read something in a post in another thread in this forum that raised this question in my mind:

We know that the addicts we love abuse drugs.

Do they also abuse their loved ones? I don't mean the stereotypical "spouse abuse" or child abuse where someone physically injures a member of the family. And I don't mean deliberate emotional or mental abuse.

I mean the roller-coaster treatment we get because the addicts are our loved ones. Because, as someone else on this forum said, addicts don't care about the people they love as much as they care about their DOC.

They don't do it deliberately, out of intent to harm, but just because they are addicted to a substance, that is their first love, and how they treat their loved ones depends on the drug they depend on to keep going.

Does this make sense?

Plink

OMGoodness!! This is so relevant right now to our family!! We have not heard from our adult son since right before Thanksgiving...begging for some help.....not the right kind of help but help for him to get away. Now all of a sudden our youngest daughter heard from him today and he wants to meet with her "to talk".

I am sure he is after money and he is pulling out all the stops! laying on the guilt and manipulation!!

So yes!!! I do believe they abuse their loved ones!!!

SorroW22

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been dealing with ridiculous roller coaster emotional treatment for months on end!!!! So draining and so sad. One day I'm the evil devil and the next day I'm the love of his life. I HATE THIS!

Vale

Translation is easy.

I love you= I need money
I hate you=You are not giving me money

It's that simple.

Anaya

Yes, it makes sense. It is tough to be on the receiving end, to feel used and helpless as we are painfully aware of the behaviors of our loved ones who choose that path. Fortunately, we can choose to move away from the negative and work towards a healthier life for ourselves.

ODAT.

Firesong

That was not the case with my friend and me. He has never asked me for money.

"I love you" for a long time = he liked being friends with me, he was glad I didn't judge him, he trusted me to be friends with him.

I don't know what "I hate you" = in his changed opinion of me. Or why it changed.

Twofish

Dear Firesong,
It's like that rollarcoaster, to get off of it, is to let go, it's just
how do I stay off that painful ride? How do I trust again?
Hey Vale...what you said is so true in my situation with my
two daughters. No money means They can't function and can't
love the one who loves them the most. Then the "I hate yous"
come out, then the pain starts in my heart or a tear runs down
my cheek. Got to let it go...
I haven't seen my 24 yr old daughter in 6 months, when I cut the
money off, she cut her love off and contact with me. So sad, and the
other daughter, went thru 2 rehabs this summer and still loves
her first love, heroin. The trust for both daughters, is gone, and it
may take a lifetime to regain it.
I'm not their favorite person, I don't feel like their mom, it's a nothing
feeling, a used feeling a bait and switch feeling.
Do they realize it's Xmas? Yes, when they expect their money
envelopes under the tree, sadly for them, there will be none.
TF

Hawkeye13

Twofish, nobody could have loved her girls more or tried harder than you.
Many hugs and peace to you this Christmas

Twofish

Dear Hawkeye,
Thank you for saying that. That is such a perfect example of support
And, yes, I needed it right about now! Hugs back to ya!
TF

Vale

That's right, TF.....no one tried harder than you.

Letting go is an art form. Some of us (like me) have no natural talent;
but watch enough SR and it's like painting by numbers.

Twofish

Dear Vale,
Ur so right, I refused for so long to let go.....I would
cling to the idea that I could "fix" my girls, that somehow
I was to blame, so I could fix it.
I believed every lie that came out of their
sweet mouths...and the manipulation...and the stealing...
I slowly started to accept the fact that
my daughters ARE addicts. I can't fix their disease.
Yes, it hurt to let them go...and NOT chase after them, or soften
their fall, or go out looking for them and wondering if they are
warm, safe, hungry, loved or even alive. It still hurts but I'm
stronger now and not so addicted to their addiction?
Took me a long time to paint that picture and connect those
dots...and to take care of ME first.
TF

Anaya

Good for you. I can relate (adult son, addiction). Wishing you a peaceful and blessed Christmas.

Twofish

Dear Firesong,
Thinking good thoughts for you. No matter what opinion a member gives to you...take what helps and supports you positively, and toss the rest.
You are a good person and you DO have many friends here who care and support you!! Simply, if there is such a sweet word in the bitter world of addiction...
We care about you


Have a blessed and as peaceful as possible 2016.
hugs to you and your family
TF