SorroW22

I've stayed busy all day and the moment I finally slowed down this feeling came on me- a feeling of guilt. I feel bad knowing that my H is hurting. I saw him today, he seemed very genuine in apologizing and telling me he loved me. I was civil to him. I looked in his eyes and think I could actually see genuine hurt- hurting that he caused on himself by making his choices. He said it today " I'm just so mad at myself". I let him talk then told him its not good for him to get emotional now, that he will have plenty of time to dig into his hurt at treatment- where that should be done- not here with me because I know it will turn out in a fight. He said he wants it to be good again. He asked to come home. I told him no and not before he leaves, that we need this distance. He gave the line- you don't work on something separate, you work on it together. I still said no. Aggravated he became- " you know a good wife stands by their man in tough times, but you're pushing me away! What does tht say about you?"

Even after this today- I feel guilty. Why????????????? I know better, but the feeling remains. I pray for him, for God to protect him, to give him strength to fight this battle, to heal his mind so that he will be able to find clarity in himself and his troubles. As well as I pray for my family also.

I'm just weary today and don't like this guilt feeling I have.

Ann

He says things to make you feel guilty so he can have his own way...like a spoiled child. As long as you allow his words to sting and to manipulate how you feel, he will continue...because it works.

These words are coming from a sick man who needs help and who blames others for his bad behaviour.

Because he says things does not make them true. Stand in your own truth knowing that protecting yourself and your children is the right thing to do, the thing that may save your lives.

Hugs

AnvilheadII

Notice how his whole tuned CHANGED the moment you said NO. that is always the litmus test for addicts and their seeming repentance. it all SOUNDS good. then they throw in their real agenda....I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I WANT IT NOW. and if WE dare to say NO?

he's still the same selfish, self-absorbed, volatile, dangerous man.

Hawkeye13

What the others said
When he doesn't get what he really wants,
he blames you and makes you feel bad.

Do you see the pattern?
You need to really get clear on his manipulations for yourself and your kid's sake.
No doubt he'll start working you to come home in rehab as well.
Keep working on your on recovery and stick to your boundary.

By the way "what kind of husband" chooses to subject his wife and kids
to addiction, fear, lack of money, anger, and violence?
Who is he to throw stones about loyalty?

ladyscribbler

Part of my recovery has been learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings, to realize that they don't always necessitate any "action" on my part. Working my Alanon program has given me the clarity to differentiate what actually belongs to me. When someone is angry with my, or trying to lay on a guilt trip, that is on them, especially if it's because they're having a bad reaction to me laying down a boundary. If I have genuinely wronged someone, then I have the tools to admit my wrongdoing and make amends for my behavior