iamunique

Big Sighs. hello good ppl How is everyone? Welp gotta just dump. Last time I was here was in June. I proudly announced my A son's 90 days sober. He was doing great. going to meetings, got a sponser, got a job, went back to school, spent much quality time with his son(16) and my son(14). I let him stay with me as long as he stayed sober.. to help him get back on his feet. He had just abt 6 months and chose to go back out..His DOC injecting pain killers. Needless to say I told him he had to go. That is my rule..you use you can't stay. Although I have avoided as much drama as possible.. It has still gotten ugly and hurtful. He is back to blaming me for the reason he used, totally back to all addict behaviors and attitudes.. fortunately (thanks to you good ppl) I know I didn't cause it, can't cure it and can't control him. He is back to skin and bones. He is going to go live with his dad. I love him, But I gotta detach with love. Seems I can not be in the same room with without some kind of confrontation He is real angry at me for Making him leave. All that is left for me to do is continue to pray for him and ask others to pray for him too. Thanks for being here and listening.. Just getting it out has made me feel better already. Love you all bunches,
HUGS AND PRAYERS,
Iamunique

Fabat50

You are a great Mum. Keep telling yourself that. Hugs too you.

JimC60

"Thanks for being here and listening.. Just getting it out has made me feel better already."

I understand this phenomena completely!

Keep coming back,

Jim

hopeful4

I am so glad you are here. You are absolutely correct, you did not cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it.

Sometimes it's best to love from afar. That does not mean you love less.

Many hugs.

Ann

Awww, 'Nique, I'm sorry and yes, it's an old story we all know too well but I was really hoping he had found something to hang on to.

As I remind myself often, WE don't throw them out...THEY choose to be thrown out when they pick up drugs again, they know the consequence and are responsible for it being enforced. Blaming you just helps him not blame himself, but in his heart he knows who is responsible and it isn't you, not one bit.

The difference between this time and last time is you, you have your recovery and all of us to fall back on. You have the "Mama's Award of Excellence" for how you handle things and as much as it hurts, and lord knows it does hurt, you can be proud that you love him enough to provide boundaries and you love yourself enough to enforce them.

I love you too, we all do, and I am sending a zillion hugs to wrap yourself up in.

Ilovemysonjj

Hugs Unique. It is SO HARD, but we all know that the pain of letting our addicts stay is much greater than the pain of letting them go. That siren song of sobriety allows us to open our hearts back up, only to go back to square one when they choose to pick up. I cannot recall your sons age, but You are full of wisdom and strength. Keep posting if it helps.
Hugs,
TT

duchessnoir

I was engaged to an alcoholic and we lived together for over two years. I nearly left him once, then he came home with a new tattoo that he swore meant he was done with whiskey, because he couldn't bear to lose me. Well, I don't know how long it was, but not that long, before he started drinking whiskey again. I guess he thought I wouldn't know but it was easy to figure out. I was furious and very hurt because he knew he had a choice between me and whiskey and he chose whiskey. I put him out of the house instead of leaving, and I wasn't nice about it.

Ultimately they chose, even if they refuse to admit that. Every time my ex tries to pretend that some mysterious circumstance that no one could control broke us up, I say again and again: "You had a choice. You chose whiskey." The first time they pick up, they are choosing their addiction over you, and the KNOW that.

whaty

You're not alone. My son was clean for just over two years when he decided to just do it once for old times sake. And here we go again... No, it is not your fault and yes you do need to disengage. It is hard, I know. I've been dealing with this since 2009. Many, many rehabs, sober living, jail, etc. Sometimes I have to stop and ask myself if this is really happening?

greeteachday

I'm sorry your heart is hurting and that his son and yours are missing out on spending time with him because he made a decision to go back out. The pull of the drug is astounding , as is how easy it is for the addicted brain to be so convincing and say just one last time... It truly stinks.

Hugs, dear Mama 'Nique. You are doing the right thing.

Morning Glory

I'm so sorry. I will pray for him and you.
When my son relapses after a long break I get brain freeze for a couple of weeks. It takes time after a break to find your footing again and find your old coping skills. We need a "shields up" button.

MIRecovery

You are doing the right thing. Of course he is mad. The gravy train just pulled out of town and left him behind. Addicts always have to be angry at someone else because they don't want to look at themselves

iamunique

Thank-you all. I can definitley feel the love.
I THANK GOD FOR YOU ALL.
(((ANN))thanks for the reminder.. Somewhere in my scrambled mind I really know that.. I have heard there is 18 inches between my heart and my head..so it takes awhile for it to get from my head to my heart

(((MG))) LOL YES,YES WE NEED A" SHIELDS UP" BUTTON

You all are in my Prayers Daily,
Iamunique

iamunique

(((ILMSJJ))HUGS back @ ya..He is 33 now . I came to SR in 2002 (I posted way more than it is claiming i did..lol) Anyhow, he has been using too long. How old is your son again?

Ann

Yes, I'd like a "shields up" button too please, and perhaps a teflon hat.

Ilovemysonjj

JJ is 25. He has been in this rat race of addiction, jail, homelessness, recovery, rinse and repeat for almost 6 years. He will be 26 and without health insurance on our dime in March of 2016.

iamunique

Hi All, just a little vent..
ilmsJJ Sorry you and he are going through it. HUGS
I believed each and every bottom was surely the last...going to jail, rehabs, hospitals, beatings, mental wards,and hopefully last and worst.. passing out after he shot up and waking up to the bathroom being on fire.

His addiction proves me wrong every time.
I could never understand how he and my ex could look at there two beautiful boys and choose their addictions instead. A friend of mine who is in recovery from drugs..explained it to me in a way that I could understand it. Her daughter died and she got custody of her GS. She knew she was going to lose custody of her grandson but she still couldn't stop. She said, "MY ADDICTION OWNED ME." That's the first time I actually 'got' it. She lost custody of her GS..not because she didn't love him or because she was a bad person.. but because she was a sick person with a disease that totally took over her life.
Anyhow knowing all this does not prevent me from getting angry when I see the hurt my little men go through when there fathers are totally unavailable to them. It's just sad. I know they're gonna be ok though..God looks out for them.
Thanks for listening,
Hugs and prayers,
Iamunique

Ann

'Nique, you have been a wonderful grandmother and mother and a special blessing to your two little guys as they grew up and they will learn much from you and your kindness. An angel of mercy, that's what you are.

alterity

This is exactly like my B who goes off dad's insurance December 31st. In 2011, when I started coming here, he was only 21 and I had no idea what was in store. I was told my B is not unique and that his story was the same as others'. I did not believe it. He was just experimenting. He was just like any other college aged kid. He's now 26 and in the same vicious cycle of addiction, jail, homelessness, recovery, rinse and repeat for almost 6 years as well.

Ann

Alterity, when my son went to his first rehab, I thought he would put in 30 days, get and stay clean, and we would all live happily ever after.

Thank goodness I didn't know the truth, it would have killed me to know that 14 rehabs (last count) and 20 years later his insanity would continue. And thank goodness I found help for my own insanity and left the circus behind me.

The thing that brings us all hope is that some DO get well and stay well. Rarely after their first try (bless those who make it once around) and often after they have been to hell and back several times...but some do and I pray that one day my son and 'Niques boys and your son and all our loved ones here get to find the miracle of recovery for themselves.

Nina Kay

Unique, I'm also a momma of a grown son who is an active addict. I can't even say that my son has ever been clean for any good length of time except when in prison for 9 months. He's been an addict for 20 years now. My beautiful nearly 40 year old son now has 3 precious sons and a baby on the way. I love these babies more than my own life, but the stress of knowing that they are getting hurt in many ways is so devastating. I too, am having to turn them and their well-being over to our Loving God.

I'm so sorry that all of you here on this thread are going through this heart-wreching experience too, but I am so glad to hear from you all at this time in my life. I'm going through another LOW spot. I've been away from this site for a long time. It's so good to be back.