RoadLessTravel

This is my first post. I need advice, if you can. This is for my ex, we parted ways five weeks ago. He's a heroin addict, clean when I met him, but started using again over the summer and went to rehab (from his job), but I still saw him changing after he relapsed. We were together six months and it was an intense adventure. I know it sounds weird, but I don't know if this will damage him or not. I think he's pretty fragile right now and I think he needs to know that people actually DO care...regardless of the crappy circumstances.

Dear Ex,
Every night, while I'm laying in bed, I pray that you are healthy and sober and safe....regardless of whether you are part of my current life or not. I don't know where you are on your journey...if you're getting stronger in your recovery or if you're using (sigh...oh god I hope not). I honestly wondered these things before things happened a few weeks ago, but I just give the benefit of the doubt and really had no idea--tough to know with the distance that formed in the month after rehab...I always told my friends that life was a day at a time with you anyway. Regardless, please know, I truly cared about you with all of my heart, as I imagine I will for a while. Yeah, I do miss you, as I imagine I will for a while. And I do keep hope that you are healthy, as I imagine I will forever.

I remember the night I met you. I swear to God I wasn't looking for anything remotely close to our meeting...but some strange instinct happened and I can't explain it....the stars aligned...it was instant connection. You told me once that you thought I was taylor made just for you. I honestly believe that. But sadly, it's obviously not at this moment in time. I saw the signs, I should have known it was coming but I still didn't. For as much as my heart hurts that things happened the way they did, I also know in my heart that you need to work on you right now. You need to strengthen your recovery and IKNOW that needs to be your only focus right now...again...as I hope this is where you are in your journey.

Perhaps one day our paths will cross again. I hope they do. And if they do, I hope the stars align again, and that you and I are able to give and receive the love we deserve. Until that time (if ever), I will continue to pray that you are healthy. There will always be a little piece of my heart with your name on it--I really cared so much and enjoyed every laugh we shared, every late night phone date, all the moments and adventures I got to share with you. I don't hate you; I hate the addiction you have to fight. Be well. I wish you nothing but the best. The moon was full last night...I put my thumb over it and sent you strength.

Peace and love,
me

JOIE12

I've written a thousand of these and not one word ever changed anything. They were my tears wrapped up in the paper. It was my heartache every single day. And my sadness that somehow 'this' is all that I thought I deserved ? never ... over ... done. He died and the words are stuck somewhere.

Don't wait for him to wake up. It's a lifetime of agony. Terror. Today can be your beginning. Learn to let go, he has shown you who he is now. Listen to him. I wish you the best, read posts here, the stickies at the top of the forum, find a meeting in your area (Alanon, Naranon, Coda) and read CoDependent No More by Melody Beattie. Together they may save you from untold years of pain.

Hawkeye13

Very beautiful letter. . . I don't know the circumstances, but unless you are trying
to get him back in your life while in active addiction, I would not send it.

Unfortunately, addicts see opportunity where we see sharing our loving feelings and support.

If you've dealt with this, you know what I mean.
Love him, wish him well from a distance right now.

Mountainmanbob

Seems to be an excellent heart felt letter
why not send it ?

You said, "Be well. I wish you nothing but the best."
That sounds like a nice good bye.
I also always wish for and pray for the best for past lovers.
MB

tartel

In my experience, this is very true. You may think it is a kind thing you are doing, but addiction, by its very nature, is geared to see opportunity that they can exploit again, for their gain. In that circumstance, even your well intended note could well be interpreted as an invitation for more trouble.

Like Joie, many of us here have written so many of these letters and notes. I doubt most, of any of them make a single bit of their intended difference. It is what someone told me when I first posted on this forum. If love could cure addiction, none of us would be here.

JOIE12

I also remembered that any notes that I gave to my AXBF were shoved in a pocket or left on a dresser and anyone was able to read them. It hurt more than if I hadn't given them to him. He was in no capacity to value the words anyways. I mean hell, what was I expecting from someone who's only goal was to buy more heroin ? oh how far we fall before we stop the madness.