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-   -   Please tell me how.... (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/379047-please-tell-me-how.html)

Plink 11-11-2015 08:43 AM

Please tell me how....
 
I am new here and new to this whole drug thing......our son is 42. He has lost everything, his home, his car, his job and custody of his daughter. We did an intervention back in May which of course, he walked away from. he has spent time in jail (never for drugs) PFA violations.

He finally decided to go for help. Not the Rehab we wanted but, one close to home, he was only in 20 days. Not enough time for someone who has been using for years and has the issues he has.

He is out now. Staying at some Motel. Has not found a job yet. Still asking for money for gas etc. which we are not giving him.

How do they "start over"? he does not have a liscence so he should not be driving.

DD's friend saw him walking in her neighborhood this morning and she is petrified that he is coming to her house to ask for money! He has a very bad temper and will let loose anywhere and anytime!
Hubby went over to be there with her in case he stopped but he did not.

How do we continue to live like this?

I want so badly to bring him home and let him stay here till he can find a job!! But, he is old enough to be doing this on his own!!

I think he is thinking that "OK, I did my part, went to Rehab and now you ,my family are not supporting me".

Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.

Is this our life forever and ever?

CodeJob 11-12-2015 09:03 AM

Hello Plink.

I'd call Al Anon. Here's a link to their national site. Ask them for help locating a meeting that might focus on parents of addicts. Also, they might help you get in touch with someone who has been exactly where you are now.

http://al-anon.org/find-a-meeting

Have you and your husband ever done any counseling about the addict in your family? I am not recommending you hire this counselor, but I have found her blog and free email newsletter helpful.

Blog | Family Recovery Resources, LLC

atalose 11-12-2015 09:43 AM

My ex’s family were in this same position. His mom used to give him $ here and there that’s why he kept asking and asking over and over again. He knew he could break her down and she’d give him $ just so he wouldn’t keep calling and calling. She finally learned not to answer the phone unless she knew she was in a good standing strong emotional spot.

Al-anon can help you build emotionally strong boundaries and support to help you stick to them.

This is an awful situation for you and I am so sorry and wish you did not have to deal with such stress.

Keep posting, lots of others have been where you are right now. Please give al-anon a try, it certainly can’t hurt!!!
((hugs))

Ann 11-12-2015 10:52 AM

Your son reminds me of my own, he went to many rehabs and was in the revolving door of recovery/active addiction for years. He has been missing for about 12 years now, lost in his addiction somewhere.

Like you, I tried for years to help him, fix him, thinking if we gave him a loving home, good food and a job with my husband's company, that he would embrace a better way of life...and every single time it turned our home into a war zone. His addiction almost killed ME.

Today I find my peace by asking God each morning to take care of my son and then spend the rest of my day in faith that He will.

If your son becomes dangerous, perhaps taking a restraining order out may be necessary and then charging him if he continues. A person strung out on drugs can very well be dangerous and do things that they would never consider doing clean. Be safe and be careful.

Hugs out to you, from my heart to yours. It breaks our heart to watch our adult children self-destruct.

Plink 11-13-2015 11:43 AM

Thanks everyone. I did check out the Blog.....something I will go back to.
But there are no meetings near us. The closest one is over 2 hrs. away...


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