Stuck with sid vicious
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 1
Stuck with sid vicious
So... Don't really know where to start. If this seems discombobulated, it's because I am.
I'm 23 years old. My current boyfriend is a heroin addict. And even that alone feels weird to type because I never thought I would be were I am now.
Never really speak of my feeling except to a few (and I mean very few, actual people) but someone suggested this site to me so here I go...
Here's my story...
I've been with this guy, that I will refer to as "sid" while I speak on this site. I've been with him about 3-4 years now. Whenever I met him, honestly I was just fine one my own. Yes, I had just dropped out of college. I went for 3 years, was single, independent. And to be quite honest, I was very fine with holding my own and taking care of myself. But whenever my father passed I just felt as though I needed a break. Dropped out. Started working at a restaurant/bar. Was single for about a year, whenever I met Sid through mutual friends. We hung out for about half a year before I even considered dating him. I was scared to be with someone quite frankly, to get hurt again. Anyway, we started dating. He had a good job, was a gentleman, intrigued me, handsome, smart, and basically "had a good head on his shoulders.". I think the mystey of me intrigued him. I never gave him much attention and I think he wasn't used to that. He was always the center of attention. Eventually I gave him a chance. I started falling for him. I never thought I would meet a man like this, almost too perfect.
About a year into is dating. We were living together with 2 other people. Let's be honest. At my age. It is almost impossible to make a decent income, therefore, a lot of working is involved. Sid worked 7am-5pm. I worked 4pm-1am . So needless to say, I only really saw him whenever we went to sleep. Sid also at the time had a child with another woman. Neither him or her had custody of the child. Lets call her "B". B's rich parents adapted the child: long before Sid and I were together. Anyway I I tolerated B. Until I realized that my world was spinning opposite of me. I came home one night and Sid was basically dying, passed out. I had to wake him up. Yes at the time I would take an occasional Xanax here and there or have a glass of wine. But nothing like this. I knew sid, has done drugs in the past. Hell I have too. We are young. And we have tested the waters. But nothing like this. I found out B had been giving him free drugs. Went from roxys to heroin to be exact. And sid was different when I woke him up. A jerk. I packed all of my things in 3 hours and left.
I moved in with 2 girls that I knew. Sid would try to knock at the door randomly, call txts. Never stopped trying to speak with me and apologized. . Eventually 2 months later I gave him another chance. He was "sober" so I thought anyway.
We dated for another year. I become an assistant managger. At the end of that year we moved into a house, just me and him. Then I became a general manager.
Needless to say. Here I am, working late again. Catch sid at it again. Been very bad off for a while. Had been for a while. He always just takes enough to were he isn't noticeably messed up. he begged me to quit my job so I could help him. Says he wanted to go into a rehab. So he checks into an out patient rehab. I went with him a couple times for family day etc. There I learned Sid was never clean. That I never knew. So he gets "clean" prescribed suboxin. That was last Demeter.
Sid has been clean a year. In August was his birthday. I threw him a party. Spent all week making a present from the heart. Baking. Planning etc. Sid comes home with everyone there. Cake on the table and everything and goes straight to the bathroom. Says he needs to shower. Was in there an abnormally amount of time so I go in. I catch him using. After a YEAR of being clean. Begs me to not tell. Says he only did it bc he knew he would have a bad birthday bc he always does. We speak for about a half hour. Him begging me not to say anything to our friends out there or his other band mates. Bc if they know everything will be ruined. I eventually agree. Fake my emotions all night and pretend I'm happy. I thought that was it
On Sunday of this week. We were supposed to go eat. I wait for him forever with another person. Someone wrecked into sids car in May so he only has a motorbike. So wanted to take my car right as we were ready to leave. Says he will be right back. An hour goes by, he says he is at the bank. To deposit money so we can pay the cable bill. Which isn't far a away. Another hour goes by and he has no response as to why he still isn't back yet. Says he is in no rush as I yell about how we are all waiting for him. He shows back up. Says he doesn't want to go out to eat us bc I argued with him for no reason. Eventually, he changes his mind and says he will come. Then processeds to take an hour getting dressed. In the bathroom. The door to the bathroom is open. So I look into it, at him and tell him to empty his pockets. There is nothing there. I yelled saying that he probably threw it away by now. As he speaks to me while shaving face but doesn't look at me so I go through his phone and realize he's been talking to B every single day for the past couple of weeks probably since August. asking for heroin. Meeting up back and forth for dope etc,
I don't say a word. He asked me to go get him a cup of water I go get it. and come back and the door is closed. I kick the door open. Straight up, literally break it with my feminine combat boots.
He yells. I pick up his clothes. Look at the counter. see a towel. Grab it. And notice that a needle and spoons in it. I am furious. I threw the towel. Scream. Tell him I know he's been talking to B. He tries to deny. I say I have already seen your phone. He begs me not to speak loud so his bandmates don't hear him.i I Tell him he needs to go and tell them now or I will. So he does that. I leave in my car. I go to a gas station get some cigarettes. Then came back and brought the band mate home. Made Sid come with me even though I hated him, Spent the night with Sid and never spoke a word. The next day I worked. Brought the band mate back here to our home. He is staying here until Friday to watch sid. Bc I said I can't help him. That he clearly doesn't want or care about my help. Especially since I have helped him detox before. Sid is detoxing.
He is detoxing off of heroin. Probably suboxin as well. This is now day three of that, I haven't spoken a word to Sid. I have worked the past few days but I am off tomorrow. I got a day job bc Sid wanted me to last year. So I can help him stay on the right track. I make less money than I used to bc of it. I gave all my money to Sid this month bc he claims he didn't have money. He got laid off last month. So I am broke until my next paycheck. Obviously he wasn't broke. He has just been spending it all on dope. . Idk what to do at this point. Sid says he is getting clean and never doing this again. I find it hard to believe. I feel like he has ruined our trust, honesty, love. I despise him yet love him. All at the same time. I know who he was and can be. And it just breaks my heart. Idk if I should stay or go. Idk. Like is said this is day 3 of him detoxing but I just don't know if I can continue to help him. I have backed off from him and not spoke bc I need him to understand that this isn't okay. All the lies are NOT okay .
I'm 23 years old. My current boyfriend is a heroin addict. And even that alone feels weird to type because I never thought I would be were I am now.
Never really speak of my feeling except to a few (and I mean very few, actual people) but someone suggested this site to me so here I go...
Here's my story...
I've been with this guy, that I will refer to as "sid" while I speak on this site. I've been with him about 3-4 years now. Whenever I met him, honestly I was just fine one my own. Yes, I had just dropped out of college. I went for 3 years, was single, independent. And to be quite honest, I was very fine with holding my own and taking care of myself. But whenever my father passed I just felt as though I needed a break. Dropped out. Started working at a restaurant/bar. Was single for about a year, whenever I met Sid through mutual friends. We hung out for about half a year before I even considered dating him. I was scared to be with someone quite frankly, to get hurt again. Anyway, we started dating. He had a good job, was a gentleman, intrigued me, handsome, smart, and basically "had a good head on his shoulders.". I think the mystey of me intrigued him. I never gave him much attention and I think he wasn't used to that. He was always the center of attention. Eventually I gave him a chance. I started falling for him. I never thought I would meet a man like this, almost too perfect.
About a year into is dating. We were living together with 2 other people. Let's be honest. At my age. It is almost impossible to make a decent income, therefore, a lot of working is involved. Sid worked 7am-5pm. I worked 4pm-1am . So needless to say, I only really saw him whenever we went to sleep. Sid also at the time had a child with another woman. Neither him or her had custody of the child. Lets call her "B". B's rich parents adapted the child: long before Sid and I were together. Anyway I I tolerated B. Until I realized that my world was spinning opposite of me. I came home one night and Sid was basically dying, passed out. I had to wake him up. Yes at the time I would take an occasional Xanax here and there or have a glass of wine. But nothing like this. I knew sid, has done drugs in the past. Hell I have too. We are young. And we have tested the waters. But nothing like this. I found out B had been giving him free drugs. Went from roxys to heroin to be exact. And sid was different when I woke him up. A jerk. I packed all of my things in 3 hours and left.
I moved in with 2 girls that I knew. Sid would try to knock at the door randomly, call txts. Never stopped trying to speak with me and apologized. . Eventually 2 months later I gave him another chance. He was "sober" so I thought anyway.
We dated for another year. I become an assistant managger. At the end of that year we moved into a house, just me and him. Then I became a general manager.
Needless to say. Here I am, working late again. Catch sid at it again. Been very bad off for a while. Had been for a while. He always just takes enough to were he isn't noticeably messed up. he begged me to quit my job so I could help him. Says he wanted to go into a rehab. So he checks into an out patient rehab. I went with him a couple times for family day etc. There I learned Sid was never clean. That I never knew. So he gets "clean" prescribed suboxin. That was last Demeter.
Sid has been clean a year. In August was his birthday. I threw him a party. Spent all week making a present from the heart. Baking. Planning etc. Sid comes home with everyone there. Cake on the table and everything and goes straight to the bathroom. Says he needs to shower. Was in there an abnormally amount of time so I go in. I catch him using. After a YEAR of being clean. Begs me to not tell. Says he only did it bc he knew he would have a bad birthday bc he always does. We speak for about a half hour. Him begging me not to say anything to our friends out there or his other band mates. Bc if they know everything will be ruined. I eventually agree. Fake my emotions all night and pretend I'm happy. I thought that was it
On Sunday of this week. We were supposed to go eat. I wait for him forever with another person. Someone wrecked into sids car in May so he only has a motorbike. So wanted to take my car right as we were ready to leave. Says he will be right back. An hour goes by, he says he is at the bank. To deposit money so we can pay the cable bill. Which isn't far a away. Another hour goes by and he has no response as to why he still isn't back yet. Says he is in no rush as I yell about how we are all waiting for him. He shows back up. Says he doesn't want to go out to eat us bc I argued with him for no reason. Eventually, he changes his mind and says he will come. Then processeds to take an hour getting dressed. In the bathroom. The door to the bathroom is open. So I look into it, at him and tell him to empty his pockets. There is nothing there. I yelled saying that he probably threw it away by now. As he speaks to me while shaving face but doesn't look at me so I go through his phone and realize he's been talking to B every single day for the past couple of weeks probably since August. asking for heroin. Meeting up back and forth for dope etc,
I don't say a word. He asked me to go get him a cup of water I go get it. and come back and the door is closed. I kick the door open. Straight up, literally break it with my feminine combat boots.
He yells. I pick up his clothes. Look at the counter. see a towel. Grab it. And notice that a needle and spoons in it. I am furious. I threw the towel. Scream. Tell him I know he's been talking to B. He tries to deny. I say I have already seen your phone. He begs me not to speak loud so his bandmates don't hear him.i I Tell him he needs to go and tell them now or I will. So he does that. I leave in my car. I go to a gas station get some cigarettes. Then came back and brought the band mate home. Made Sid come with me even though I hated him, Spent the night with Sid and never spoke a word. The next day I worked. Brought the band mate back here to our home. He is staying here until Friday to watch sid. Bc I said I can't help him. That he clearly doesn't want or care about my help. Especially since I have helped him detox before. Sid is detoxing.
He is detoxing off of heroin. Probably suboxin as well. This is now day three of that, I haven't spoken a word to Sid. I have worked the past few days but I am off tomorrow. I got a day job bc Sid wanted me to last year. So I can help him stay on the right track. I make less money than I used to bc of it. I gave all my money to Sid this month bc he claims he didn't have money. He got laid off last month. So I am broke until my next paycheck. Obviously he wasn't broke. He has just been spending it all on dope. . Idk what to do at this point. Sid says he is getting clean and never doing this again. I find it hard to believe. I feel like he has ruined our trust, honesty, love. I despise him yet love him. All at the same time. I know who he was and can be. And it just breaks my heart. Idk if I should stay or go. Idk. Like is said this is day 3 of him detoxing but I just don't know if I can continue to help him. I have backed off from him and not spoke bc I need him to understand that this isn't okay. All the lies are NOT okay .
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
aw sweetie.....no one should have this story, but especially not someone so young. as you said, you have tried for years to HELP Sid - but the thing is.....Sid doesn't really want help....he wants an enabler to help him keep using. you have already sacrificed enough. more than enough. you simply are NO match for addiction. and addiction, HIS addiction will continue to suck the very life out of you and leave you empty and worn out with nothing left.
let Sid deal with Sid. so that you can begin to get YOU back.
are you interested in returning to school to finish up your degree? it's obvious you have mad skills as you quickly were promoted at the restaurant......the whole world is there waiting for you!
let Sid deal with Sid. so that you can begin to get YOU back.
are you interested in returning to school to finish up your degree? it's obvious you have mad skills as you quickly were promoted at the restaurant......the whole world is there waiting for you!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
To continue with the Sex Pistols metaphor, just because he's on Sid's path does not mean you're obligated to assume the role of Nancy.
You are 23 years old. You are approximately one semester from finishing your degree. If you are "stuck", it is because you are ultimately choosing to be so.
Usually when newcomers find us and their qualifier's DOC is heroin, I usually riff on how dangerous heroin is and why that's so. At this moment in time, though, that's irrelevant. Sid owns that problem. You don't. It is well within your power to choose a better path for yourself. All you have to do is decide to take that path. You may not believe me, but it really is that simple.
Think about it. Think about what's important to you. Think about what you need. Think about what makes you happy. And then decide to make it happen.
Bollocks Sid...
You are 23 years old. You are approximately one semester from finishing your degree. If you are "stuck", it is because you are ultimately choosing to be so.
Usually when newcomers find us and their qualifier's DOC is heroin, I usually riff on how dangerous heroin is and why that's so. At this moment in time, though, that's irrelevant. Sid owns that problem. You don't. It is well within your power to choose a better path for yourself. All you have to do is decide to take that path. You may not believe me, but it really is that simple.
Think about it. Think about what's important to you. Think about what you need. Think about what makes you happy. And then decide to make it happen.
Bollocks Sid...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
aw sweetie.....no one should have this story, but especially not someone so young. as you said, you have tried for years to HELP Sid - but the thing is.....Sid doesn't really want help....he wants an enabler to help him keep using. you have already sacrificed enough. more than enough. you simply are NO match for addiction. and addiction, HIS addiction will continue to suck the very life out of you and leave you empty and worn out with nothing left.
let Sid deal with Sid. so that you can begin to get YOU back.
are you interested in returning to school to finish up your degree? it's obvious you have mad skills as you quickly were promoted at the restaurant......the whole world is there waiting for you!
let Sid deal with Sid. so that you can begin to get YOU back.
are you interested in returning to school to finish up your degree? it's obvious you have mad skills as you quickly were promoted at the restaurant......the whole world is there waiting for you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: East Coast
Posts: 427
Detach with love....don't let him take any more of your life and successes from you. Many of us have been in the exact same spot, not putting ourselves first slowly takes all of our achievements away from us until we are so low...get off the ride and take care of yourself instead.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
