no way! im done!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
I haven't been on this board for quite a while but I remember some of your posts from before. Congratulations on filing the divorce papers! As cruel as it was to bring this woman to church I see it as a gift to you; one more step in setting you free or allowing yourself to become free of him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Good God.
Just saw him again. I am frustrated. He hasnt contacted me since I last posted. He wanted his game console. I said no way!
I still dont even have his phone number. I asked him why in the world did he leave. He plays the God card all of the time. It pisses me off. He was like "Because it was the only way I could feel peace" and said that our marriage had gone downhill and he had to leave.
WHAT!? Um NO. I said "NO D. You crossed emotional boundaries. You didnt pay rent. You were emotionally abusive. I maintained boundaries and called you out. Instead of looking within yourself you just left. Its NOT ME its YOU! All you want is an enabler, and I refuse to be that. A marriage doesnt go downhill in 2 days. You turned on me overnight. You stayed out until 6 am on a wednesday and by the following thursday went no contact. Then you lied to me about wanting to get better and withdrawing for treatment while you were out with some floozy. Not to mention the girl you chose has NO knowledge of addiction and is stupid enough to think you have been healed and will believe your lies. Using looks like using. I dont care if you are passing the UAs. Im not giving you the console because all of your behaviors are not displaying recovery. Actions speak louder than **** tests." He stared at me. Silent. Turned around and walked away. I shouted after him. "You and I both know it is because I dont buy your stories, so you will suround yourself with people that will."
I am a mess right now. What a vampire.
I hope and pray he goes back to prison. I really do.
Just saw him again. I am frustrated. He hasnt contacted me since I last posted. He wanted his game console. I said no way!
I still dont even have his phone number. I asked him why in the world did he leave. He plays the God card all of the time. It pisses me off. He was like "Because it was the only way I could feel peace" and said that our marriage had gone downhill and he had to leave.
WHAT!? Um NO. I said "NO D. You crossed emotional boundaries. You didnt pay rent. You were emotionally abusive. I maintained boundaries and called you out. Instead of looking within yourself you just left. Its NOT ME its YOU! All you want is an enabler, and I refuse to be that. A marriage doesnt go downhill in 2 days. You turned on me overnight. You stayed out until 6 am on a wednesday and by the following thursday went no contact. Then you lied to me about wanting to get better and withdrawing for treatment while you were out with some floozy. Not to mention the girl you chose has NO knowledge of addiction and is stupid enough to think you have been healed and will believe your lies. Using looks like using. I dont care if you are passing the UAs. Im not giving you the console because all of your behaviors are not displaying recovery. Actions speak louder than **** tests." He stared at me. Silent. Turned around and walked away. I shouted after him. "You and I both know it is because I dont buy your stories, so you will suround yourself with people that will."
I am a mess right now. What a vampire.
I hope and pray he goes back to prison. I really do.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Samuel Johnson is famous for saying that patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.
A similar argument can be made about those who use God for cover.
Stay cool. Keep your wits about you. If necessary, go to the gym and blow off some steam...
A similar argument can be made about those who use God for cover.
Stay cool. Keep your wits about you. If necessary, go to the gym and blow off some steam...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
So crazy zoso! And so true. He is saying all of this is something "God told him to do" NO WAY. God hates lies. God hates selfishness. God never changes.
I am pissed because he is not talking about some vague Higher Power. In the rooms, they say "a god of your understanding"
No. He is refering to the God of Abraham and Isasac. Yaweh. The I Am. That I think... as I sit here and stew... Is why I am angry. What a fraud! Wow. So this is how athiests view christians! Its like a lightbulb in my head. My reaction is like... Well if that is your HP I want NOTHING to do with him!
If he was like "my higher power is telling me... Blah blah blah..." ok. Good for you bro but thats not what my HP says. Im trying to take that attitude now, but it is difficult.
Why. Why would he need a console and controlers. His parents have a PS4. Why. To pawn it.
I should not have reacted the way I did. But dammmit!
How in the world is he passing his UAs!?!
I hate addiction.
I am glad now as I vent and process that I saw him today. It was a perfect picture of who I do NOT want to be.
I do not want to be holier than thou. I do not want to be self seeking. I do not want to think only of myself. I do not want to suck people dry and then cast them aside.
Wow. I was just like him for so long. All I cared was what people could give me.
People always think that addicts use drugs. Wrong. Addicts love drugs and use people.
My sister sent me a message saying that When God closes a door dont try to open it again. I really dont think that God told him to walk out the door. That was all him. But I do believe that the past is in the past and this door needs to stay shut.
I am pissed because he is not talking about some vague Higher Power. In the rooms, they say "a god of your understanding"
No. He is refering to the God of Abraham and Isasac. Yaweh. The I Am. That I think... as I sit here and stew... Is why I am angry. What a fraud! Wow. So this is how athiests view christians! Its like a lightbulb in my head. My reaction is like... Well if that is your HP I want NOTHING to do with him!
If he was like "my higher power is telling me... Blah blah blah..." ok. Good for you bro but thats not what my HP says. Im trying to take that attitude now, but it is difficult.
Why. Why would he need a console and controlers. His parents have a PS4. Why. To pawn it.
I should not have reacted the way I did. But dammmit!
How in the world is he passing his UAs!?!
I hate addiction.
I am glad now as I vent and process that I saw him today. It was a perfect picture of who I do NOT want to be.
I do not want to be holier than thou. I do not want to be self seeking. I do not want to think only of myself. I do not want to suck people dry and then cast them aside.
Wow. I was just like him for so long. All I cared was what people could give me.
People always think that addicts use drugs. Wrong. Addicts love drugs and use people.
My sister sent me a message saying that When God closes a door dont try to open it again. I really dont think that God told him to walk out the door. That was all him. But I do believe that the past is in the past and this door needs to stay shut.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Nail the damn door shut Lily
You've got a wonderful life to lead and don't need a lying, cheating addict
messing things up.
He made his choices
I prefer yours--you are right--you don't buy his BS fabrications so he bolted.
People that say they know the "will of God" typically don't even know their own truth
I'm sorry you had to put up with this. Really.
You've got a wonderful life to lead and don't need a lying, cheating addict
messing things up.
He made his choices
I prefer yours--you are right--you don't buy his BS fabrications so he bolted.
People that say they know the "will of God" typically don't even know their own truth
I'm sorry you had to put up with this. Really.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
Lilly,
You sound very angry (and in my opinion, RIGHTFULLY SO!) But, what are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you attending meetings regularly? Therapy? I know you go to church, are you going to any alanon/naranon meetings? Do you have a support group or hobbies that can help keep you busy?
Take care of yourself friend. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
You sound very angry (and in my opinion, RIGHTFULLY SO!) But, what are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you attending meetings regularly? Therapy? I know you go to church, are you going to any alanon/naranon meetings? Do you have a support group or hobbies that can help keep you busy?
Take care of yourself friend. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Thank you everyone for your support.
I am angry. I am very angry.
Last week was wonderful. I celebrated the childrens birthdays and thanksgiving.
I am going to meetings and texted my sponsor the moment he showed up at the door. She told me not to give him the console. It is mine. He left it with me when he went to prison. Technically everything he left when he went to prison is now mine.
I attend NA. Alanon is good, but many in the fellowship have experienced loved ones going back out and are helping me.
I work tonight. My coworkers are like family to me. They know everything.
I am baffled that he is somehow sober enough to pass his UAs.
Either way... What a jerk.
Years and years ago anvil told me "Lily... You know those boxes underneath the tree in the department stores? They are wrapped up like beautiful presents....but inside they are empty"
He is that kind of addict. He has never been the dirty junkie under the bridge. He is handsome and well groomed always. Always clean shaven. Always well dressed. Always charming. Never shouts or yells. He always looks like a golden boy. He looks like Paul Walker.
That is exactly what makes him so dangerous.
The only reason I dont take the bait is because it takes one to know one. In active addiction we were Bonnie & Clyde.
I don't want Bonnies death.
Leave the drugs out of it...just for a moment because I cannot prove he is using...
The behavior is unacceptable.
I am angry. I am very angry.
Last week was wonderful. I celebrated the childrens birthdays and thanksgiving.
I am going to meetings and texted my sponsor the moment he showed up at the door. She told me not to give him the console. It is mine. He left it with me when he went to prison. Technically everything he left when he went to prison is now mine.
I attend NA. Alanon is good, but many in the fellowship have experienced loved ones going back out and are helping me.
I work tonight. My coworkers are like family to me. They know everything.
I am baffled that he is somehow sober enough to pass his UAs.
Either way... What a jerk.
Years and years ago anvil told me "Lily... You know those boxes underneath the tree in the department stores? They are wrapped up like beautiful presents....but inside they are empty"
He is that kind of addict. He has never been the dirty junkie under the bridge. He is handsome and well groomed always. Always clean shaven. Always well dressed. Always charming. Never shouts or yells. He always looks like a golden boy. He looks like Paul Walker.
That is exactly what makes him so dangerous.
The only reason I dont take the bait is because it takes one to know one. In active addiction we were Bonnie & Clyde.
I don't want Bonnies death.
Leave the drugs out of it...just for a moment because I cannot prove he is using...
The behavior is unacceptable.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Lily wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I hate addiction.
I am glad now as I vent and process that I saw him today. It was a perfect picture of who I do NOT want to be.
I do not want to be holier than thou. I do not want to be self seeking. I do not want to think only of myself. I do not want to suck people dry and then cast them aside.
Wow. I was just like him for so long. All I cared was what people could give me.
People always think that addicts use drugs. Wrong. Addicts love drugs and use people.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>
I wish I had known you long ago, Lily. I wish I had known you when this mess
entered my life. Those simple statements would have possibly made me say
what needed to be said---- so long ago.......to whit.
"Sorry you are having a tough time of it, I wish you all the best.....Goodbye"
The addict I pissed so much valuable time and energy on once said to me
"Don't say goodbye. I can't STAND to hear that word, not in movies, not in real life"
(Of course you don't, sweety , it means the suckertrain is running out of steam!)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I hate addiction.
I am glad now as I vent and process that I saw him today. It was a perfect picture of who I do NOT want to be.
I do not want to be holier than thou. I do not want to be self seeking. I do not want to think only of myself. I do not want to suck people dry and then cast them aside.
Wow. I was just like him for so long. All I cared was what people could give me.
People always think that addicts use drugs. Wrong. Addicts love drugs and use people.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>
I wish I had known you long ago, Lily. I wish I had known you when this mess
entered my life. Those simple statements would have possibly made me say
what needed to be said---- so long ago.......to whit.
"Sorry you are having a tough time of it, I wish you all the best.....Goodbye"
The addict I pissed so much valuable time and energy on once said to me
"Don't say goodbye. I can't STAND to hear that word, not in movies, not in real life"
(Of course you don't, sweety , it means the suckertrain is running out of steam!)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by Lily1918 
Good God.
Just saw him again. I am frustrated. He hasnt contacted me since I last posted. He wanted his game console. I said no way!
I still dont even have his phone number. I asked him why in the world did he leave. He plays the God card all of the time. It pisses me off. He was like "Because it was the only way I could feel peace" and said that our marriage had gone downhill and he had to leave.
WHAT!? Um NO. I said "NO D. You crossed emotional boundaries. You didnt pay rent. You were emotionally abusive. I maintained boundaries and called you out. Instead of looking within yourself you just left. Its NOT ME its YOU! All you want is an enabler, and I refuse to be that. A marriage doesnt go downhill in 2 days. You turned on me overnight. You stayed out until 6 am on a wednesday and by the following thursday went no contact. Then you lied to me about wanting to get better and withdrawing for treatment while you were out with some floozy. Not to mention the girl you chose has NO knowledge of addiction and is stupid enough to think you have been healed and will believe your lies. Using looks like using. I dont care if you are passing the UAs. Im not giving you the console because all of your behaviors are not displaying recovery. Actions speak louder than **** tests." He stared at me. Silent. Turned around and walked away. I shouted after him. "You and I both know it is because I dont buy your stories, so you will suround yourself with people that will."
I am a mess right now. What a vampire.
I hope and pray he goes back to prison. I really do.
Just saw him again. I am frustrated. He hasnt contacted me since I last posted. He wanted his game console. I said no way!
I still dont even have his phone number. I asked him why in the world did he leave. He plays the God card all of the time. It pisses me off. He was like "Because it was the only way I could feel peace" and said that our marriage had gone downhill and he had to leave.
WHAT!? Um NO. I said "NO D. You crossed emotional boundaries. You didnt pay rent. You were emotionally abusive. I maintained boundaries and called you out. Instead of looking within yourself you just left. Its NOT ME its YOU! All you want is an enabler, and I refuse to be that. A marriage doesnt go downhill in 2 days. You turned on me overnight. You stayed out until 6 am on a wednesday and by the following thursday went no contact. Then you lied to me about wanting to get better and withdrawing for treatment while you were out with some floozy. Not to mention the girl you chose has NO knowledge of addiction and is stupid enough to think you have been healed and will believe your lies. Using looks like using. I dont care if you are passing the UAs. Im not giving you the console because all of your behaviors are not displaying recovery. Actions speak louder than **** tests." He stared at me. Silent. Turned around and walked away. I shouted after him. "You and I both know it is because I dont buy your stories, so you will suround yourself with people that will."
I am a mess right now. What a vampire.
I hope and pray he goes back to prison. I really do.
Best thing - no contact. I mean, if I saw ex now, I would lose it too. No contact feels so peaceful and right
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by Lily1918
Thank you everyone for your support.
I am angry. I am very angry.
Last week was wonderful. I celebrated the childrens birthdays and thanksgiving.
I am going to meetings and texted my sponsor the moment he showed up at the door. She told me not to give him the console. It is mine. He left it with me when he went to prison. Technically everything he left when he went to prison is now mine.
I attend NA. Alanon is good, but many in the fellowship have experienced loved ones going back out and are helping me.
I work tonight. My coworkers are like family to me. They know everything.
I am baffled that he is somehow sober enough to pass his UAs.
Either way... What a jerk.
Years and years ago anvil told me "Lily... You know those boxes underneath the tree in the department stores? They are wrapped up like beautiful presents....but inside they are empty"
He is that kind of addict. He has never been the dirty junkie under the bridge. He is handsome and well groomed always. Always clean shaven. Always well dressed. Always charming. Never shouts or yells. He always looks like a golden boy. He looks like Paul Walker.
That is exactly what makes him so dangerous.
The only reason I dont take the bait is because it takes one to know one. In active addiction we were Bonnie & Clyde.
I don't want Bonnies death.
Leave the drugs out of it...just for a moment because I cannot prove he is using...
The behavior is unacceptable.
I am angry. I am very angry.
Last week was wonderful. I celebrated the childrens birthdays and thanksgiving.
I am going to meetings and texted my sponsor the moment he showed up at the door. She told me not to give him the console. It is mine. He left it with me when he went to prison. Technically everything he left when he went to prison is now mine.
I attend NA. Alanon is good, but many in the fellowship have experienced loved ones going back out and are helping me.
I work tonight. My coworkers are like family to me. They know everything.
I am baffled that he is somehow sober enough to pass his UAs.
Either way... What a jerk.
Years and years ago anvil told me "Lily... You know those boxes underneath the tree in the department stores? They are wrapped up like beautiful presents....but inside they are empty"
He is that kind of addict. He has never been the dirty junkie under the bridge. He is handsome and well groomed always. Always clean shaven. Always well dressed. Always charming. Never shouts or yells. He always looks like a golden boy. He looks like Paul Walker.
That is exactly what makes him so dangerous.
The only reason I dont take the bait is because it takes one to know one. In active addiction we were Bonnie & Clyde.
I don't want Bonnies death.
Leave the drugs out of it...just for a moment because I cannot prove he is using...
The behavior is unacceptable.
About UA my ex has never failed one and most of the time was high. There are many tricks and addicts know them all. If you think he is using, he is using.
Stay strong. You can see him for who he is, poison.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Lily,
No contact, do it, give it a try.
Take care of YOU, don't allow HIS disease to drive you crazy with pain and heartache.
What you said that addicts don't use drugs...no they love drugs and use people, especially the loved ones, because we seem to forgive, rings so true.
Try the no contact. I did that with my two beloved young daughter...I think, no I know, it saved my sanity, perhaps my life!
Take good care of yourself, know that we care, and if you can...Be done....!
Hugs and support,
(Protect yourself)
TF
No contact, do it, give it a try.
Take care of YOU, don't allow HIS disease to drive you crazy with pain and heartache.
What you said that addicts don't use drugs...no they love drugs and use people, especially the loved ones, because we seem to forgive, rings so true.
Try the no contact. I did that with my two beloved young daughter...I think, no I know, it saved my sanity, perhaps my life!
Take good care of yourself, know that we care, and if you can...Be done....!
Hugs and support,
(Protect yourself)TF
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 775
He is only fooling himself. Take it from me where there's a will there's a way. UA's are easy to pass from an experienced addict. Again he's only fooling himself.
Good luck to you be careful with him. Addicts like your explaining take hostages. If you're in early sobriety it could be you
Good luck to you be careful with him. Addicts like your explaining take hostages. If you're in early sobriety it could be you
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Lily1918
Haha!!!!
Using looks like using!
Months later I learned that he had indeed failed two UAs.
Someone told me years ago that if you are in doubt then you already know.
Using looks like using!
Months later I learned that he had indeed failed two UAs.
Someone told me years ago that if you are in doubt then you already know.
Keep the focus on you.
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