1.5 months later
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 35
1.5 months later
Hi guys,
Thank you so much for all your support! Still sending individual thank yous out, but I appreciate every single post in response to my last one.
It's around 1.5 months since the ex OD'd. Funny thing. Broken up with him for a year, but it's kind of like going through a second round of grieving all over again. I see him everywhere. Stupid things remind me of him. Everytime I hear about another wedding or engagement, my stomach twists a little because it reminds me that that was supposed to be me, planning my wedding or already married by now. Even though this all ended long ago, it's like it started bleeding again a little bit.
I had always kind of hoped - not held out for it - that he'd get clean and not that we'd get back together, but be able to talk, y'know. So I could tell him I forgave him. Ask him why he did some of the things he did. Ask him if he ever really loved me. Ask him if he still loved me after I left. Dumb things.
There's no closure after anything like this, is there? I'm not sure if I preferred the hell of being with him and knowing there was still a chance he'd get better to the quiet and awful finality of knowing he never will. So very sad, all this. I wish I'd been older before I'd seen how irredeemably sad life can be.
Thank you so much for all your support! Still sending individual thank yous out, but I appreciate every single post in response to my last one.
It's around 1.5 months since the ex OD'd. Funny thing. Broken up with him for a year, but it's kind of like going through a second round of grieving all over again. I see him everywhere. Stupid things remind me of him. Everytime I hear about another wedding or engagement, my stomach twists a little because it reminds me that that was supposed to be me, planning my wedding or already married by now. Even though this all ended long ago, it's like it started bleeding again a little bit.
I had always kind of hoped - not held out for it - that he'd get clean and not that we'd get back together, but be able to talk, y'know. So I could tell him I forgave him. Ask him why he did some of the things he did. Ask him if he ever really loved me. Ask him if he still loved me after I left. Dumb things.
There's no closure after anything like this, is there? I'm not sure if I preferred the hell of being with him and knowing there was still a chance he'd get better to the quiet and awful finality of knowing he never will. So very sad, all this. I wish I'd been older before I'd seen how irredeemably sad life can be.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 4
Hi!
I'm new here and just wanted to say how much my heart goes out to you right now.
Your situation right now is the one that made me go back for so long, because you don't want something like that to happen.
We're good people and just want to help and heal people, unfortunately we can't, life truly is unfair at times.
Often thinking to myself this situation may be my life, I have to think to myself, he would have been living a life I know nothing about (being addicted to something) daily struggles I know nothing about and have to take peace in the fact he is now at peace.
In saying that, it's no help when your in bed thinking about it and obsessing about things and just having a cry.
They give us highs and lows throughout relationships with them, smile because it happened and be greatful about the life you're living.
I think I said that the right way? If that sounds offending I'm so sorry and I'll reword it!
Once again, I feel for you and my heart hurts for you!
I'm new here and just wanted to say how much my heart goes out to you right now.
Your situation right now is the one that made me go back for so long, because you don't want something like that to happen.
We're good people and just want to help and heal people, unfortunately we can't, life truly is unfair at times.
Often thinking to myself this situation may be my life, I have to think to myself, he would have been living a life I know nothing about (being addicted to something) daily struggles I know nothing about and have to take peace in the fact he is now at peace.
In saying that, it's no help when your in bed thinking about it and obsessing about things and just having a cry.
They give us highs and lows throughout relationships with them, smile because it happened and be greatful about the life you're living.
I think I said that the right way? If that sounds offending I'm so sorry and I'll reword it!
Once again, I feel for you and my heart hurts for you!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It takes time to process the grief and it sounds like you are well into the process. Sometimes it helps to take quiet time and talk to the departed, just light a candle or look at the stars and say what you want to say to find closure and peace. I have a feeling that they hear this.
My heart hurts for you and my prayers go out that you find some comfort in knowing that he suffers no more.
Hugs
My heart hurts for you and my prayers go out that you find some comfort in knowing that he suffers no more.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
I know your pain Scheherazade.
It has been almost 8 months since I lost my ABF. I understand the emotion and the lack of closure. Not having any answers, haunts me at times but I am always grateful that he is no longer hurting himself and those of us who love him.
Some days it's like a dream. Life just ended and there's no one who can help with the emptiness. It's all a part of grieving and even knowing that fact, doesn't help.
I actually go to the memories and play that favorite song or drive to our favorite place, eat his favorite food, watch the movies. I force myself to remember everything and cry and be sad but always at the end of it, something comes up that makes me laugh and I remind myself that he's okay now. I go on, a little less burdened. My heart lighter and a smile on my face. At that point, I could only see the happy things.
There is no such thing as 'getting over it'. You will learn to continue living while carrying him in your heart, where he is safe and loved.
It has been almost 8 months since I lost my ABF. I understand the emotion and the lack of closure. Not having any answers, haunts me at times but I am always grateful that he is no longer hurting himself and those of us who love him.
Some days it's like a dream. Life just ended and there's no one who can help with the emptiness. It's all a part of grieving and even knowing that fact, doesn't help.
I actually go to the memories and play that favorite song or drive to our favorite place, eat his favorite food, watch the movies. I force myself to remember everything and cry and be sad but always at the end of it, something comes up that makes me laugh and I remind myself that he's okay now. I go on, a little less burdened. My heart lighter and a smile on my face. At that point, I could only see the happy things.
There is no such thing as 'getting over it'. You will learn to continue living while carrying him in your heart, where he is safe and loved.
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