Acceptance and love
 

Not sure how to accept the following: My addicted now XABF is not going to change, he really loves me, but he loves crack more, and I have not failed.
This week, my now X ABF wanted me to let his brother come visit. I said no, because I knew it was a trigger. I lost the argument. XABF left and got high after 30 days of no cocaine.

I am sad about Halloween as we had a good friend hosting a good, scary party. But after 2 rehab locations, I have no more patience.

But finally put me and my happiness first. I dont know where is goes from here. I love him completely. But, I cannot give in.

Owl, searching for wisdom.

I recommend going to the Halloween party solo and have a GREAT TIME regardless!

when I kicked my AXH out, I went away for a week with friends even though I wasn't sure if I would be depressed or start crying at any moment. It was the best decision I made. I had some hard moments because he called and was nasty while he was in rehab....but I needed to have fun and lots of support. Go to the party!

Owl, leaving this relationship is surely painful and will require healing as you move forward, but the pain of staying is ongoing and progressive as addiction gets worse over time.

You are strong and brave, your heart hurts right now. Wrap yourself in the love and support of friends, family, and us here and know you are not doing this alone.

Hugs

My boyfriend is out there, too.

Stay strong. I keep thinking we get to decide what gives our life meaning.

I went to the party and had a good time. I lied about why XABF was not there, but I just was not in the mood to discuss the stupid. Strangely, I sense that our friends get it. I got through today. Thank you for all of your support.
Owl