Falseclaimsact

I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

I cut off contact with my AXF but he emailed me a few times basically asking to see our baby (she's under a year old). I don't spend time wondering whether he's using every day or if last week was a slip or whatever. I just don't want to talk to him or see him. Being high "one more time" was enough.

I don't know what to do or say to him about this specific topic. I don't want to respond at all. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by "keeping her from him." I tell myself it is a matter of her safety, but it still feels bad to me on some level.

Obviously, he can't see her alone, and I don't want to supervise them. I'm not willing to "appoint" a third party family member to supervise any visits either because deep down I don't feel like he deserves it right now.

What I'm saying, I guess, is that I don't mean to punish him but disallowing him from the baby seems like a harsh punishment.

Plus, I wonder if it'd be better for HER to keep familiar with him (up until last saturday, they saw each other every week).

Anyone have help for me about how to frame this differently? I'm stuck in guilt mode.

suki44883

Have you spoken with legal counsel about this? You really should. While he does have a right to see his child, he also has an obligation to provide support for her. You have the right to do what you feel is safest for your daughter, but you said he can't see her alone and you don't want to supervise and you don't want to allow anyone else to supervise, so something is going to have to be figured out. An attorney can help you with these things.

maia1234

Sorry that you are dealing with this. I agree with Suki, you need to consult an attorney. I agree that he shouldn't have contact with the baby if there is no one else present. I am sure you don't trust him and I am sure the courts would agree. But legally I am sure he is entitled to see his child.

I think it is worth the money to find our what you legal rights are. Good luck!!

Falseclaimsact

Just by way of background, I have an attorney.

It takes more than a week for this to be figured out so I'm wondering how to handle it emotionally in the meantime. What I am struggling with is feeling guilty for not giving him time with her. I imagine that even if there is an visitation order in place i will still feel guilty about it.

I don't know, ultimately I am sad for him and sad for her. I am having trouble expressing exactly how I feel--but I'm looking for emotional support.

mamaof3boyz

If he is still using then you have every right to prevent him from seeing your daughter. It isn't safe for him to see your daughter under the influence, even with third party supervised visits. If he is using then he loses all privileges to see his dtr. He doesn't deserve to see her because he isn't operating with a clear mind. He may also be using her as an excuse just to see you. Your baby won't know the difference if he sees her or not. So it is not harming her in any way. Don't feel guilty either because your number 1 job right now is to protect your child. You are doing the right thing even though it probably doesn't feel like it. Stay strong...Don't let him guilt you into allowing him to see her either. He will want you to feel bad for him...that's what he will do until he gets what he wants