Spiraling out of control
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Spiraling out of control
Sometimes we spend so much time trying to rescue someone else that we fail to realize that in the process we are losing ourselves. One day you wake up totally defeated and depleted and wonder what the hell happened. Your life is in shambles and you feel like you've been hit by a truck and left for dead. Every fiber, every cell literally scream out in pain. You thumb through the pages of your mind looking for the answers that will identify how you got where you are today.
You abandoned yourself years ago when you got caught up trying to help someone else. When you tired so hard to stop something bad from happening to them.
You got lost in loving, talking, believing, hoping, fixing. You plummeted in yelling, screaming, pleading, bargining. You decended deeper each time you rescued. You spiraled out of control thinking you could somehow save them from themselves. You believed each time they said, I am clean, I wan't to get clean, I need you to help me, I cant do this without you. You broke when you heard them say, this is all your fault, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't do drugs, you don't love me, you never cared about me, I hate you.
Still you continued to give all you got to prove them wrong and it was never enough. The more you gave the more that was required. The endless pit of destruction and despair. A place where you feel contempt at them for bringing you here. Yet you are the one who volunteered to come. You refused to let go. Even when you saw how dark and ugly it was you still hung on trying to control the outcome.
The battle isn't yours to fight. It never was nor will it ever be. The outcome is not in your hands.
If you find yourself sitting at the bottom of the abyss today. You have two choices. You can either pick yourself up, dust yourself off and save yourself or you can pick up a shovel and continue to dig, chasing the addict. I must warn you the pit goes as deep as you are willing to go. It is up to you to decide where the madness ends.
~Passion~
Delivered addict - Recovering codependent - enabler
You abandoned yourself years ago when you got caught up trying to help someone else. When you tired so hard to stop something bad from happening to them.
You got lost in loving, talking, believing, hoping, fixing. You plummeted in yelling, screaming, pleading, bargining. You decended deeper each time you rescued. You spiraled out of control thinking you could somehow save them from themselves. You believed each time they said, I am clean, I wan't to get clean, I need you to help me, I cant do this without you. You broke when you heard them say, this is all your fault, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't do drugs, you don't love me, you never cared about me, I hate you.
Still you continued to give all you got to prove them wrong and it was never enough. The more you gave the more that was required. The endless pit of destruction and despair. A place where you feel contempt at them for bringing you here. Yet you are the one who volunteered to come. You refused to let go. Even when you saw how dark and ugly it was you still hung on trying to control the outcome.
The battle isn't yours to fight. It never was nor will it ever be. The outcome is not in your hands.
If you find yourself sitting at the bottom of the abyss today. You have two choices. You can either pick yourself up, dust yourself off and save yourself or you can pick up a shovel and continue to dig, chasing the addict. I must warn you the pit goes as deep as you are willing to go. It is up to you to decide where the madness ends.
~Passion~
Delivered addict - Recovering codependent - enabler
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