nytepassion

There was nothing my mother could do to stop my addiction in her own strength. No matter how much love she gave it wasn't enough. She spent years trying to save me. My addiction shattered her heart. To the point that when she began picking up the pieces she had to rewire her heart to say No to me because saying yes fed my addiction.

I wasn't asking her to help me get clean I was asking for money. I would lie about why I needed the money. She thought she was helping me with rent and bills. I was buying drugs. Taking money from her that she needed, food off her table to fed my addiction.

I blamed her for everything that was wrong in my life. I was verbally, mentally and psychologically abusive. I felt contempt for the weakness I saw in her where I was concerned. I would spew vile at her.

It wasn't until she began putting her heart back together that she began to stand strong no matter how many times I came at her with my hatred, no matter how many times my addiction tried to batter her with lies and accusations that she did not care about me. She no longer gave me money, she no longer listened to me cruse and blame, she no longer put up with my rage. She finally found her self respect and didn't let my addiction turn her into a codependent, enabling mess groveling at my feet ready to serve out of fear.

She showed me what strength and self respect looked like and as much as I wished she would give in I admired her for being so strong. She became just what I needed. I didn't need her to rescue me, try to fix me, to give me money I needed her to be strong for me and not let my addiction beat the hell out of both of us.

By being strong she didn't abandon me. It didn't mean she didn't care. It computed in my brain as I had screwed up so bad that I had alienated the one person that I knew loved me beyond a shadow of a doubt. It made me turn inward and look with in myself and find the defect.

For the first time in my life I saw the enemy. The enemy was my addiction. I didn't shake it right away but it caused me to see where the destruction was coming from. The drugs were ruining my life. By not enabling me and being strong for me not giving into me and feeding my addiction this wonderful woman was able to show me the truth. I began to really like her as a person and love her as my mother. It became important to me to do things that made her proud. I wanted to be her friend and I knew that I had to let go of drugs in order to be able to do that with honesty.

My mom moved over and did not stand in the way of rock bottom. I was free to hit it without her trying to spare me the pain. She did the best thing she could do for me and that was pray.

It was less then a year later and I arrived at rock bottom via prayer to an awesome God and on the wings of an angel I call Mother. I am forever grateful. God knew exactly what he was doing when he chose such an incredible woman to be my mom. ♡ She was everything I needed her to be and more.

Passion
Delivered from addiction

Ann

Passion, that really touched my heart. As the mama of an addict the most loving thing I ever did for my son was to let him go, to find his own way. He knows where help is, real help by those who are experienced in dealing with addiction, and he will find it on his own one day, with the dignity of a man who can make his own choices.

Thank you for all you share of yourself, your story and your life.

JimC60

Passion,

Thanks for your post. Stories such as yours need to be heard / read by us parents and loved ones. Seeing "the other side of the coin" is incredibly helpful for me.

That little co-dependent voice is always niggling around and whispering in the background - "Are you really doing the right thing? Are you sure? etc."

A friend equates a Nar-Anon meeting to a group of people sitting around a campfire on a chilly evening. The warmth radiated from the campfire is the collective strength and wisdom of the group. Everyone around the fire gets to take a little of that warmth with them. Your story added a pretty big log onto our fire this morning.

Thanks for sharing.

Jim

Anaya

Thank you for the insightful share. All the best to you and your mom.

hopepraylove

This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Pia

Your post was exactly what i needed at this moment thank you.

teatreeoil007

An amazing piece of writing. Thx!

Kallioya

Truly heart felt and heart written...thank you so very much. As a parent of addicts and a child of an alcoholic I struggle daily with codependency and trying to fix and rescue . Your letter has given me strength and hope .
THANK YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH

LoveMeNow

Thank you Nytepassion for sharing. I know this post will bring comfort to so many that had to let go and/or needed to learn to say NO!

Good to see you posting again. Your ESH is so important to so many of us!

snukn

Thank you

JOIE12

One of my daughters, it not an addict or drinker but enjoys blaming everything wrong in her life - on me. She's cruel and threatening.

Your post will stay with me, thru those times and tears. Thank you