I'm DONE!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
I'm DONE!!!!
I have tried SOOOO hard to keep the peace with my X addict. A child is involved and he gets 2 hours supervised visits per the court. SO no contact is not an option.
I have been dealing with lying, anger, manipulation, threats, last minute cancellations and no call no shows for the past 4.5 years. I am (and have been for awhile) able to keep my calm, even though there are moments when I want to tell him where to go.
He was nice for @ 8 months. Then, he canceled a visit last minute, and then 2 weeks later he was a no call no show. Red flags he was using again. Another red flag, he became incorrigible to deal with. He was pushing boundries, showing up to visits in a fowl mood and telling my son he couldn't come up to me if he wanted to. It made for very tense visits. The last visit was it for me. He tried to take my son out of a paid to enter park and then threw a fit when my son said "no, we have supervised visits". We left an hour early because I just didn't want to deal with it anymore.
So, I think he is using again. His anger is creating tension. And honestly, I don't care. I just don't need to deal with it anymore.
I was able to ward off visits for the past 2 weeks. During which, I saw my lawyer. He suggested a high conflict mediator. Then, after talking to my therapist, she suggested the same person.
The mediator is expensive. SO, I TRIED to send him an email explaining without emotion and very professionally that his mood is effecting his child's nerves. I even tried to explain to distress that my son is feeling. I thought it was a very nice and fair email. I just want best for my child. I just want peace. Well, of course he reacted in anger. He is so angry he isn't listening to anything I say. He doesn't seem to want to hear how he has hurt his son. This doesn't seem to matter to him. He is so angry he just isn't listening to any reason. He also told me that he canceled my health insurance for my son and it will be no longer on Oct. 1. He told me I just need to deal with the provider he has chosen and he doesn't care that I told him this provider doesn't take our therapist. He doesn't care. He wants what he wants.
So, I called the professional mediator. Which I will have to pay for myself. He has to agree. I just have a feeling he won't. Of course, he has completely ignored my request.
SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!
Just venting...
I have been dealing with lying, anger, manipulation, threats, last minute cancellations and no call no shows for the past 4.5 years. I am (and have been for awhile) able to keep my calm, even though there are moments when I want to tell him where to go.
He was nice for @ 8 months. Then, he canceled a visit last minute, and then 2 weeks later he was a no call no show. Red flags he was using again. Another red flag, he became incorrigible to deal with. He was pushing boundries, showing up to visits in a fowl mood and telling my son he couldn't come up to me if he wanted to. It made for very tense visits. The last visit was it for me. He tried to take my son out of a paid to enter park and then threw a fit when my son said "no, we have supervised visits". We left an hour early because I just didn't want to deal with it anymore.
So, I think he is using again. His anger is creating tension. And honestly, I don't care. I just don't need to deal with it anymore.
I was able to ward off visits for the past 2 weeks. During which, I saw my lawyer. He suggested a high conflict mediator. Then, after talking to my therapist, she suggested the same person.
The mediator is expensive. SO, I TRIED to send him an email explaining without emotion and very professionally that his mood is effecting his child's nerves. I even tried to explain to distress that my son is feeling. I thought it was a very nice and fair email. I just want best for my child. I just want peace. Well, of course he reacted in anger. He is so angry he isn't listening to anything I say. He doesn't seem to want to hear how he has hurt his son. This doesn't seem to matter to him. He is so angry he just isn't listening to any reason. He also told me that he canceled my health insurance for my son and it will be no longer on Oct. 1. He told me I just need to deal with the provider he has chosen and he doesn't care that I told him this provider doesn't take our therapist. He doesn't care. He wants what he wants.
So, I called the professional mediator. Which I will have to pay for myself. He has to agree. I just have a feeling he won't. Of course, he has completely ignored my request.
SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!
Just venting...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 117
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. From my experience, no matter how you and your child are feeling, an AA does not exhibit compassion nor can you compromise with them.
Sending big hugs your way!
Sending big hugs your way!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
I think the problem is I keep talking to him like he is a rational adult. He isn't. I am so over the drama. I am so done. It took 4.5 years, but I am done. If he is difficult about the mediator, I will take him to court.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Why not skip the mediator and just go to court?
This man does not sound reasonable, rational, or at all able to negotiate and follow through with what he agrees to. It might be better to just hire your lawyer and get it done.
ShootingStar1
This man does not sound reasonable, rational, or at all able to negotiate and follow through with what he agrees to. It might be better to just hire your lawyer and get it done.
ShootingStar1
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
story74...
As I've watched this unfold over an extended period of time, it was apparent to me that this day would inevitably come. You can be as reasonable and as mature as you can possibly be, and it will not make a bit of difference.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this, but maybe this had to happen this way to show you, once and for all, what you're dealing with.
I'll leave you with this: do whatever you believe is necessary to protect your son within the context of the law. No games. No quarter. Just win.
As I've watched this unfold over an extended period of time, it was apparent to me that this day would inevitably come. You can be as reasonable and as mature as you can possibly be, and it will not make a bit of difference.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this, but maybe this had to happen this way to show you, once and for all, what you're dealing with.
I'll leave you with this: do whatever you believe is necessary to protect your son within the context of the law. No games. No quarter. Just win.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
The hard part is the court system. I'm doing everything legally. I've talked to my lawyer about taking his rights away, but he stated I can't. So, what do you do? I contacted my lawyer and told him he is ignoring my request, and he said...court order. That's my next step. I'm gonna force him. Like I said, I'm done! But it ain't easy because I have to be legal!!!
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