Marissa0908

My boyfriend relasped to heroin 3 weeks ago, or sooner thats just when he admitted it to me. Started off snorting now he is back to IV (found a needle in his shorts and track marks.)
This last week he has said he wants to change and fix everything and he wants to get better and he has assured me I dont have to worry anymore then last night I get home from work expecting him to be there, he isnt, he doesnt aswer my texts and his phone goes right to voicemail he calls me and says his phone died and hes having a couple drinks with his buddy.. mind you he should be going through withdrawls right now and feeling like **** since hes 3 days clean of heroin(supposedly)
Its getting late and he says hes gonna go spend the night at his moms cuz she is taking him to see his probation officer in the AM. I wake up and call his mother and she says he never came to her house lastnight and she knows nothing about taking him to his probation officer.
So i have no idea where he slept lastnight. I am so frustrated, stressed, worried, pissed off etc.. I know what he was doing, why else lie?
UGHHHH I am so fed up he seemed so determined to change and get healthy, feels like we took a thousand steps backwards. This is his rock bottom he lost his job, all the trust he built back with his family is now gone, I am on the edge of being gone, he is broke and depressed from the relapse..
All i want is the sober, wonderful man I met and fell in love with. Anyone have personal stories of hitting rock bottom then overcomming it? Sticking by your addict? Walking away from your addict? Just need some support and advice. Thank you.

hopepraylove

Hi Marissa,

I'm so sorry you're going through this...My xabf was an IV heroin user too...Please feel free to read my threads/reach out to me via personal message.

Remember to take care of you...it's the best thing for him, but most importantly-for yourself! Have you considered alanon or naranon?

Gentle hugs.

SparkleKitty

I don't think anyone can say what another person's "rock bottom" is -- what looks like rock bottom to you might be just another day to an addict.

I had to learn to pay attention people's ACTIONS, not their WORDS, and to accept that I was powerless over other people. When I started focusing on taking care of myself, and making decisions that prioritized my own health and well-being, my life began to change for the better.

ardy

oh my Dear Young Woman.. first prayers so many heartfelt prayers.. hugs a coffee and a cookie..... ok bottom line .. how long have you 2 been together.. my Eddie Lee and I had been together just a few weeks .. his place and mine.. and I came to his place to find drugs music and women.. looked him in the face and said **** this and all of you.. and walked out .. snowing my children were in their 20's with a bunch of pals when I came home in tears... I went to bed.. Ed showed up off a bus.. and they made him sit in the snow all night no kidding.... Liz let him in the next morning I came out of the kitchen .. he was shaking.. you can take that life of yours and go away.. I work for Robert Baird in stocks and Bonds and as a Clown hold children that are dying I don't need and don't want that life at all.. he got down on his knees.. that was 24 years ago... his Mom and Dad love me to bits for my Eddie Lee is a live because of me.. its hard kiddo terribly hard.. and now he is off the Doc morphine that they gave him for pain for 6 years... 5 weeks ago I almost lost him forever.. he had a stroke... for 4 days in hospital he did not know who he was where he was or who anyone around him was...
Love my hubby to bits.. but just here between you me and this sounding board... I am afraid of his temper his hate of so many things.. his nightmares and now this change again...... but ed is 61 and I am 65 so after 24 years./.... I look forward to the day I am no more.. love ardy

zoso77

Marissa...

Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for what has brought you here, but I'm happy you've found us and have taken the step to post. Other members will be by to greet you in due course, but I'd like to share some of my thoughts as well.

Well...sure. Everyone who comes through here in spots like yours want that. What remains to be seen is if he's capable of being that person. Color me skeptical.

The thing about opiates is they never, ever let anyone go. Even after someone detoxes, their brain remembers all too well what it's like to be under the influence. Being under the influence is bliss. No pain, no discomfort, no anything but that feeling. So if someone new to recovery is having a bad day, their emotions are cranked to 11, and at the same time, their brains are telling them, We know how to make this go away quickly. Thus, they relapse, and the cycle begins anew.

Rather than giving relationship advice, I'm going to advise you to learn everything you can about addiction, and especially about opiate addiction. And then you're going to have to make a judgment call, one you may not want to make. The only way you can do so is to know what you're up against, and to be honest with yourself about your own needs and whether he can fulfill them.

Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.

biminiblue

Unfortunately for many heroin addicts, rock bottom is death.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this, my reaction would be to run.

Marissa0908

We havent been together long, about 5 months.. He is absoultely wonderful I did not mention I have a 3 year old daughter who adores my bf and he adores her. More of a reason why I cant be around this ****. This is so hard because I love him so much and believe in him so much. He always says he loves my positivity and he loves my support and how much I care for him but I know thats not enough to get him through. I have learned ALOT about addiction since I discovered he was an addict, it is a very complex and awful thing.. I am backing off and no longer investing anything into this relationship until he takes some concrete steps towards recovery. I think deep down he wants to be better he just cant do it alone at the moment. He is going to be sent to jail or rehab soon due to violating probation (failed **** test) I cant wait for him to go away and work on himself.

StormyWeather33

Marissa0908,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been through the wringer for the past 3-4 years with my xabf - always believing this time is different and it never is. My xabf just had to have surgery and they prescribed norcos for pain relief. He said he was honest with them prior to the surgery about his addiction, but I don't know if that's true. Well, now he's off and running again. This time was the end for me, I'm not going through it again, I have walked away for good.

I would hate to see you go through the same misery, but my real concern is for your 3-year old. I just read a news article about a toddler that ingested heroin that the parents left out, that poor baby didn't make it.

Please think long and hard - even though he loves your baby, nothing comes before heroin.

Sending you hugs.

Wishful04

I'm sorry you & your child are going through this.

I have a lot of guilt over what I have put my girls through trying to stand by my addict BF these past almost 3 years. It's not an easy road and it certainly can take a toll on everyone even though we may think we can handle it ...sometimes what we think we are handling isn't so...instead if not careful somehow we allow it to handle us.

In my experience "rock bottom" to the one using isn't what we may think...

ardy

Marissa... prayers everyday from so many of us,,, you listen to these Dear Women of life and hope and love and pain... for it is so true this thing that your young man plays with will do him in and hold you responciable for too much of your lifes balance... I love my hubby so much. have put in 24 years of care to him for his health.. and when it seemed the best that is when the Doctor gave him the morphine.. there are days here at work .. I don't want to go home ... don't want to keep up the good fight. and don't want to be the responseable adult for our life to keep going... Ed is getting up at 3:30am because the withdrawal will keep him running yet for almost a year.. I have done a ton of research on all of this.. don't know what I would do with out all of you and the internet for information and comfort... he screams at the computer and Face Book writings.. the TV turns him into a monster of why why and you never listen to me... the car is not running right.. he wants to run it dry for gas to see what will happen to the engine.. this is our only means of transportation .. I work 13 miles from home and would have to walk the last 3 miles on an interstate freeway.. but his mind says he is correct all the time and I am wrong all the time.... prayers my dear.. if you run my name Ardith Ann Richter on google there are photos that come up of my life.. I wanted this time to share my life with a person that would enjoy it and be my friend and love... my Eddie Lee.. there are times I do look forward to the time that is no more.. I am not rushing all.. please do not fear my mind or life or health.. but in times of tears.. my heart weeps for just a time that is no more... I too love my hubby so much... enough enough... for when he picks me up at 2:30 I have to have a smile and a joke and wait to see what direction his morphine friend will allow him to go.. will he have a smile.. a joke... will he have a sparkle of the eye. or will the monster inside demand that he take up like this morning... drink do I want a drink.. oh yes.. for in that numbness I would sleep thro the head banger music played all night and day.. the demands to listen to this watch this and never never stop repeating everything that is said.. for he demands like a child that I pay attention every waking minute to everything around him....... balance what he needs all the time .... what have I given up.. everything.. family laughter life anything that you all do .. I don't ... can't take the minute to have a joy and find he is having the monster walk with him to become angry at my tea or cookie or anything that I used to do ...... work my cube of safety.. my childrens photos and bit of writing that I do here.. for here my heart can scream... and he will never know.. drugs for play or from Doctors .... are not good at all.. I am sorry all.. love and so many prayers ardy...

CodeJob

Hello Marissa,

I found several of the articles on this website very good at helping me better grasp why my addict partner was acting guano crazy...

Addiction, Lies and Relationships

cynical one

Was he using when you first met him? Does he have a history of substance abuse?

overit263

I like the phrase "Let go or be dragged". If it's been five months and you are catching this now...he might not have been clean when you met him. I dealt with two relapses during marriage and am glad I stuck to my guns when I said - the second time will be the last time. And it was. Ask yourself if you can go through years of this behavior, all the ups and downs and possibly more downs than ups. It's up to you to decide your boundaries and limits though.

Ann

It is possible that he has never had an honest relationship with you, he may have lied about his addiction right from the start.

Trust your instincts always, his actions will speak clearer than his words.

If I had a child there is no way I would allow the life of active addiction to be part of her world. It's a dark world that leads to pain and destitution.

Please find yourself a place safely away from all this. It will be painful to leave him, but I am certain it will be more painful to stay, just read around here for a while and you will see for yourself the pain addiction brings to loved ones.

Hugs

F50Lurker

You sound young, and there are a lot of wonderful men out there who aren't addicts. Go find one of those and let this one go. That's my advice. Good luck, sweetie.