sairuhbeth

I come on here and then I disappear. And again. And again. So the first time we were married, I dealt with his addiction by trying to control it, trying to fix him, I was a constant emotional mess. We got divorced. He cleaned up. We remarried. He's back at it again but worse because now it's not just pills, it's also meth. And this time, I've created a nice little bubble that I hide in and just spend my days avoiding him and not dealing with the issue. But I have to. Tonight, my feelings are exposed and I'm feeling raw. I'm feeling nervous and scared. A couple weeks ago I did tell him that he has to get help or we won't last again. I provided him with resources, but left the ball in his court to make the next move. Which he hasn't done. So. Here we are again. Gotta quit delaying the inevitable.

CodeJob

I'm so sorry. Strength and e-hugs to you.

Ann

I am sorry too, it just hurts when addiction steals our loved ones and all the dreams we had. Often, it never gives them back.

My prayers go out for you and your family. May you find the courage to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Hugs

JOIE12

Thanks Ann - you said it so well
Hugs to you, we are always here for you
Joie

sairuhbeth

Thank you guys. I overcame an obstacle yesterday. I planned on talking to my AH last night, but when I got home, he informed me that one of his friends and girlfriends was coming over. This friend is a fellow meth addict. Normally, I would clam up and just say "okay". But instead I said "No". I did not allow these people to come to my house. Seems like this wouldn't be a big deal, but it took a lot of strength. I also talked to him and told him that he had one week to start treatment/counseling/etc. If he does not take these steps, he has to move out this next weekend. Was this the right thing? Is this too much leeway? I don't know. It could be a good thing if he 1) takes these steps to get better 2) if he doesn't, I actually follow through and make him leave. My problem is not following through so I have to stay in the mindset that I can do this.

biminiblue

I think it's really your only choice, unfortunately.

I hope you have already protected your money and assets - because he's going to be scrambling all week to grab them.

JOIE12

I agree with biminiblue .... I found that when I laid down a boundary that included a future date or event ... it was a very painful wait. I learned to make them immediate and usually they never turned out as planned. These were the times that tired my spirit. Please remain diligent with your safety, funds, possessions and family.

zoso77

Well, of course you can "do this". My guess is what you're afraid of is what it's going to feel like when you follow through, because it's not going to be pleasant. To be honest, it's going to suck.

But what choice do you have? The status quo is no longer acceptable. Nor is his projected course. So it's either suffer one way and keep your sanity, or suffer another way and remain stuck in a situation that will likely get worse.

AnvilheadII

the problem with the "you must START treatment, etc or else" is he could technically hit ONE NA meeting and meet your criteria. a few weeks ago you gave him an ultimatum and he did...........nothing.

you did good on saying NO to his drug using buddies coming over. but you are still allowing a drug using person IN your home.

meth is bad news. i agree with others that what isn't nailed down has a likelihood of walking out the door. i'm sure there are things you think he would NEVER do......change that mindset and assume he is capable of ANYTHING.

sairuhbeth

Thank you. What all of you say really helps. I guess I was hoping that if I gave him a deadline, he might MIGHT do something. But so far, he's not in a hurry. I even gave him another phone number he can call for a treatment center. There aren't many around here, and they are outpatient. It's crazy. We live in an area that has a very bad problem with drugs, but limited help. Help is there though. If he wants it, he can find it and get that help. He could even get free counseling through my insurance and he isn't taking that opportunity.

I get mad at myself, because sometimes I forget about the issue and we are joking or laughing about something. Just a little bit ago, he came home and came into my office where I also have my pet rats. He checked on all them and gave extra attention to one that is sick and it just warmed my heart. We smiled and for that moment we connected. This is the man I'm in love with. Who has such a big heart, so much compassion, so kind. But only a glimpse of him. Because 90% of the time, he is not who I fell in love with.

I hope that one day, even if there is no more "us", he gets the help he truly needs and learns to live a happy, sober life. I know I will find my happiness. I hope he does too.