SarahBear

My friend is a drug addict. He has been in prison a few years & coming home soon. And wants to stay clean once getting out. He has asked me if I could buy him a phone. I don't want to enable him. At the same time, he needs one to look for work, keep in touch with his kids.

I used to be horrible at enabling him. It took me a long time to realize it & be strong for myself. Now do my best to set boundaries & not enable him. I even stopped visiting him in prison.

cynical one

At the very most, I would buy him a burner with $20 worth of time on it.

Under no circumstances would I put anyone on a plan where I would knowingly be responsible for all the payments and/or any liability for telephone misuse.

MyJoey

Even as a friend it seems he is asking you to get him a phone because he thinks you will. Has this person worked a program in prison or just quit using because he was put away? I'm sure you will see this person when he gets out, I would offer a day with him so he could use your phone to call about jobs and offer to take him to find work, so he can get his own phone.

cynical one

While I do see where MyJoey is coming from, I would have several concerns. First, if prospective employers need to call back, I wouldn't want to have be his secretary, or have a call for him coming in while I was at my place of employment. And a more profound concern would be if he isn't serious about recovery, I wouldn't want my phone number to be the contact number for drugs or illegal activity.

Another option would be a roll of quarters for a payphone. The only downside would again be possible employers returning the call.

MyJoey

Oman just like my son Cynical one, your one step ahead of me .....laughing. Your right didn't think about contacts calling.

suki44883

Where is he going to stay after he gets out of prison? Does he have any family/friends to help him? I kind of agree with MyJoey in that he is asking you because he thinks you're the easiest mark.

I think, if it were me, I wouldn't do it. Him finding a job or keeping up with his kids isn't your problem. It's just more consequences for the choices he has made. JMHO

SarahBear

Everyone made good points & suggestions. Pay phones are rare to find now with most people using cellphones. He'll not be living with me. Most likely, his mother will let him move back in with her when he gets out. The only family member he's close to is his mom, at least to my knowledge.

FeelingGreat

Sarah if you can find a cheap second-hand phone and put some pre-paid credit on it, I don't see the harm. Enabling is more about helping them avoid the consequences of drug use, whereas in this case he wants it for job searches.

Of course he might use it to call his dealer, or sell it for drugs or whatever; you have no control over that. Prisoners who get some support have a better chance of not re-offending. You might want to contact a prisoner's aid society and ask them what would be appropriate as I'm sure they have few illusions left.
If I was helping I'd probably buy him a card for an internet cafe as well, just to get him started. As a job searcher I know that it's mostly done online these days.
Once you've given him a start, you can step back and let him go at it. (BTW I've helped people in my past, not expecting anything back, but I've often thought it would be nice if they offered to do something in return. I don't have a lot of money at the moment and it someone helps me I make sure I do something in return, even if it doesn't cost a lot of money).

allmirages

Good points have been made and the decision is truly yours to make. I know in the state I live in they have programs for people just getting out of prison. I believe they call them "re-entry" programs where they can assist with job search, housing, etc. While "helping" someone get on their feet seems harmless and can be....there is something to be said about someone taking action and doing things for themselves to get their life back. I would bet if you did not get him a phone, he will find someone else that will get one for him. If he was/is an addict, he is resourceful and will find a way. In addition, if he is serious about finding a job and turning his life around...he will make it happen.

In my state there's also a "job center" that all walks of life use but they do focus on those with legal problems due to prison, drug abuse, etc. People can volunteer there, network, they hold job fairs, are able to use computers, they can get help with resume services, etc...all for free. Perhaps there may be one in your area. Just a thought.

You mentioned you have been good about boundaries and stopped enabling. Please remember to stay strong while he is out as it sounds like this may just be the beginning of him "calling on you for help". Always protect yourself!

Yankee73

There are also government assisted cell phones for people who are homeless, unemployed, below the poverty level, elderly, etc... I know people who have them. Try Assurance Wireless.

JOIE12

I paid for his cell phone for most of the 3 years. Yea, stupid. People lent him their cell phones when he would go missing and they sometimes didn't get them back.

I would have agreed that it may be okay to put some minutes on a cheap prepay but each time I witnessed the first usage, it was always to call one of his dealers. I tried to make myself feel better by only seeing that he would be using it for work, family, etc ... but fact is ... his first thought was for drugs.

AnvilheadII

i assume his MOTHER has a phone at her house? he can use that one.

stephendu

A flip style burner should work for now.

Ann

My thoughts exactly. I think buying him a phone is a big mistake. He can buy his own when he finds work and earns the money.

As an old gal let me remind everyone, there were and still are land lines that work quite well and take messages, cell phones are not a necessity of life.

Good luck with all this.

waitingforhope

Mom is taking him in so mom can deal with everything that may come with it. He's in the position he's in because of what he did. Now he needs to learn to solve his own problems.