hopepraylove

Are there any significant others of addicts/alcoholics on here who have taken a break from their loved one while they got sober and then reconciled to have healthy relationships?

I hate to say this...but, there are so many depressing and negative responses on so many other posts. I understand that there is an inevitable struggle and hardship with loving an addict, but it would be a nice change of pace to read some optimistic stories.

SadWife7

I'm not quite your target audience here, but I thought I'd share anyway.
I found out my husband was using heroin Mar 8 2014. He has been clean from opiates since Mar 9th. He does use dr. prescribed suboxone. He has drank, which is generally considered to mean he has not been clean, but I'm not totally on board with that idea. I do not support or agree with him drinking though. He stayed with his mom for a little over 3 weeks while going through an intensive outpatient treatment, and then came home.
So it's a pretty short time frame, it's a year and a half sober, but he had probably a total of 6 months of a relationship with heroin (years of opiate abuse) we had a 2 year old son and I was 6 months pregnant with our daughter. He had a lot on the line, but we have a lot of years ahead of us.
If we had not had been married/had children, our relationship would absolutely have ended.
I would recommend to anyone that they not enter a relationship with an addict. Esp one that hasn't been clean for a year-they shouldn't be looking for a relationship until they have a year of sobriety anyway. It can all fall apart though at any time, and that is scary.
However, anyone that has had cancer, or depression, or bipolar disorder, etc, those are also relationships that you walk into knowing that everything could fall apart. It's a risk, but you can walk into educated.

smartass1379

Hopepraylove,
I think the majority of us come on here to find hope when it all seems bleak. Truth is, what everyone is telling you is to prepare you for the worst. It is a tough thing to hear but you need to hear it and from 3rd parties that have no reason to lie to you. I can't explain how much this place has helped me so much. I come back now just to give advice where I can because if it wasn't for these amazing people I would still be a wreck.

Good luck and much love.

CodeJob

I kicked my H out during an alcoholic life crisis. I had warned him I wasn't going down that rabbit hole again, He wound up in inpatient rehab. He returned home after that and has not relapsed. He is 28 months sober. It has been exceedingly difficult to rebuild our marriage. I've kicked A LOT of expectations and fairy tales to the curb.

We have known each other since we were kids. we are still friends and enjoy one another's company. But our married love to me really feels tattered. i had a very hard time deciding to stay in the marriage. I have a lot of posts here you are welcome to read.

stephendu

Mine was a happy one.

JOIE12

We share what our experiences are. Our successes and frustrations. We can sometimes see the paths of others because we walked thru them ourselves.

No one's story is the same but there are countless similarities and progression.

I came here in the beginning for hope. I suppose that means that I came here to read what I wanted to apply to my relationship. And instead I found the same pain that I was suffering. I didn't post for 2 1/2 yrs. I absorbed everyone's stories and advice to others. It saved me mentally and emotionally even if it wasn't what I had wanted to know.

It made me remember that day after about a year of Al-anon from so many years ago when I was married to my ex who was (by his terms) a problem drinker... sitting at the meeting one day looking around the room at each person - tallying how many were divorced or divorcing - wondering what good all of this was if every single one of them wasn't able to stay with their alcoholic. What good was it for me to take the time to drive here and listen for an hour or more, drive back home, sparing the little bit of time I had while my children were in preschool and school. If it all ended the same, why did we waste time here ? so I asked ... they reminded me that the meeting wasn't for our loved one, it was for us. To show us that their addiction isn't our fault. That we didn't cause it, we can't control it but we could learn to cope with it. It still took me another 6 years to begin the divorce but I had come to realize that it was now my choice. And I was stronger and the fear had lessened.

So if you oppose what you read and you feel as if you need some hope, you are in a good place (along with a meeting - Alanon, Coda, Naranon) The happy ending you seek may not be with your addict - it will be with 'yourself'.

It's sometimes a rough crowd but offering shortcuts that help open the eyes of each newbie. We are very loving people who take time out of our days to listen and offer thoughts that cause you to pave the way to freedom, however that applies to you. We do care and we do want to help as each day helps us too. We are reminded of what we will never allow in our lives again regardless of the relationship. That we have issues that need to be worked on also.

Please keep reading and go to individual profiles to read that persons story thru their posts . You will see how similar they can be.

I prayed for strength. I will pray for yours and for peace as you walk thru this.
It's a tough road but you are not alone. Hugs to you, Joie