Update with XABF (5 weeks later)
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
Update with XABF (5 weeks later)
Hi all,
For anyone following my threads, I wanted to give an update...It's therapeutic for me to post here anyway.
I've been going to some really great alanon meetings, I found an incredible group on Wednesdays at 8:30pm. Even though it's late (and I'm so exhausted after a full day of work) I'm definitely going to continue to go. A woman said to me "how far were you willing to go with an obsession?" When I complained about being tired and having a meeting. HA, I sure love a good kick in the ass from a fellow alanon.
The update with my XABF is that we went very LC for two weeks and it went well. I missed him dearly, we only spoke twice via text in the two weeks. It was a healthy start for me to return the focus to myself. I've been doing great at work, spending time with my family and friends, working on healing/compassion & my program.
The two week boundary I implemented is up tomorrow. I wanted to set a boundary I COULD STICK WITH and not set one that I would falter with, or not follow through with.
So now, I need to pray, come up with an idea of where to go from here. One thing I specifically mentioned to my X is that for the next 90 days, when we communicate, we will not/can not discuss "where this is going" "what are we going to do now?" "are we back together? When can we get back together." The communication is merely updates and check ins with one another.
I'm thinking that I'll implement the boundary of communicating once a week for the next month, if he can respect that (but more importantly remain sober!) We can try to have a phone call next month. He has been sober almost 30 days now. He is in program, daily meetings, has a sponsor and is working with a wounded warrior program.
I am taking this one day at a time, keeping the focus on myself and being happy/forgiving myself and practicing compassion.
I'm curious if anyone else has ever been in a similar experience with setting goals/boundaries with slowly having more and more contact with a partner in recovery? I don't want to get ahead of myself--but I think 30 days with contact once a week via email/text, then we can slowly integrate a phone call once a week as well, perhaps?
So much love for SR.
XX
For anyone following my threads, I wanted to give an update...It's therapeutic for me to post here anyway.
I've been going to some really great alanon meetings, I found an incredible group on Wednesdays at 8:30pm. Even though it's late (and I'm so exhausted after a full day of work) I'm definitely going to continue to go. A woman said to me "how far were you willing to go with an obsession?" When I complained about being tired and having a meeting. HA, I sure love a good kick in the ass from a fellow alanon.
The update with my XABF is that we went very LC for two weeks and it went well. I missed him dearly, we only spoke twice via text in the two weeks. It was a healthy start for me to return the focus to myself. I've been doing great at work, spending time with my family and friends, working on healing/compassion & my program.
The two week boundary I implemented is up tomorrow. I wanted to set a boundary I COULD STICK WITH and not set one that I would falter with, or not follow through with.
So now, I need to pray, come up with an idea of where to go from here. One thing I specifically mentioned to my X is that for the next 90 days, when we communicate, we will not/can not discuss "where this is going" "what are we going to do now?" "are we back together? When can we get back together." The communication is merely updates and check ins with one another.
I'm thinking that I'll implement the boundary of communicating once a week for the next month, if he can respect that (but more importantly remain sober!) We can try to have a phone call next month. He has been sober almost 30 days now. He is in program, daily meetings, has a sponsor and is working with a wounded warrior program.
I am taking this one day at a time, keeping the focus on myself and being happy/forgiving myself and practicing compassion.
I'm curious if anyone else has ever been in a similar experience with setting goals/boundaries with slowly having more and more contact with a partner in recovery? I don't want to get ahead of myself--but I think 30 days with contact once a week via email/text, then we can slowly integrate a phone call once a week as well, perhaps?
So much love for SR.
XX
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Many moons ago when I began my recovery journey with the help of al-anon I discovered that my boundaries I was setting with my (x?) was still all jumbled up with my control issues.
We could speak BUT only if……………………..,
We could NOT speak about……………………..
We couldn’t ask……………………….
It was so un-natural and so controlled and planned and really all boiled down to my inability to fully let go of the person and the relationship.
Remaining in contact with someone you are referring to as an x and they have addiction issues is living a life in limbo. Our journey should be one to figure out why and then how to move from that place to a brand new place where we are happier and far more comfortable with ourselves.
We could speak BUT only if……………………..,
We could NOT speak about……………………..
We couldn’t ask……………………….
It was so un-natural and so controlled and planned and really all boiled down to my inability to fully let go of the person and the relationship.
Remaining in contact with someone you are referring to as an x and they have addiction issues is living a life in limbo. Our journey should be one to figure out why and then how to move from that place to a brand new place where we are happier and far more comfortable with ourselves.
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