Is it ever better to just cut them out?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Sometimes my wife of some 30 trips around the sun
gets into "Lifetime" TV. It's a USA thing, although
it probably gets satellite fed all over the globe.
My reprise (sometimes) regarding some
real world event is "This ISN'T lifetime TV". It's not
warm puppies and romantic stories and happy endings.
That could encapsulate addiction. It is one mean assed
vicious animal. One that doesn't want you to pet it----but
rather is constantly scanning your every movement/word/
action/intention for signs of weakness that can be exploited.
But this cunning animal knows what it likes. And one of the
things it likes is people who love Lifetime TV. People who pre
advertise their love of happy endings. To be cruelly blunt---
they are soft targets with a large cross section (When you are
shooting at something....you want it to present as large a target
as possible).
Look up "catfishing" on Google. But before you get all mad
at those who practice it, first know that it would never be
possible without weak boundaries.....without those 'victims' who wanted so badly to believe.
"Too good to be true?". Then it ISN'T. Opiate addicts who "turn it all around" and aren't subject to endless 'sword of Damocles' relapses? Unicorn hunting. "Lifetime endings" with said person becoming the great person fulfilling the potential that "hero you" always knew they had? Saddling up said unicorn and winning Kentucky derby with it. Possible? Sure. So is winning the lottery.
I preach better than I practice. Actually, I was (and am) a
pretty good sniper in this thing called life. Very low cross section, very high Pk. But one time I let my guard down--stood up--and took a high powered round to the chest (when I thought no one would notice!).
Thing is, addiction ALWAYS notices. It has a spiders sense. And a lifetime watching starry-eyed fly------is like manna from heaven.
'Wanna know the truth? I like lifetime, too. But I still
give the spouse guff over it.........while I watch with her.
But to the world? All they need to know is that I binge stream the "deceptive death and dismemberment whilst maintain small cross section" channel.
My takeaway from this nightmare? It's OK to be a fuzzy teddy bear,as long as you are inside a monstrously armored M1A1 tank.
(exec. summary: Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries)
gets into "Lifetime" TV. It's a USA thing, although
it probably gets satellite fed all over the globe.
My reprise (sometimes) regarding some
real world event is "This ISN'T lifetime TV". It's not
warm puppies and romantic stories and happy endings.
That could encapsulate addiction. It is one mean assed
vicious animal. One that doesn't want you to pet it----but
rather is constantly scanning your every movement/word/
action/intention for signs of weakness that can be exploited.
But this cunning animal knows what it likes. And one of the
things it likes is people who love Lifetime TV. People who pre
advertise their love of happy endings. To be cruelly blunt---
they are soft targets with a large cross section (When you are
shooting at something....you want it to present as large a target
as possible).
Look up "catfishing" on Google. But before you get all mad
at those who practice it, first know that it would never be
possible without weak boundaries.....without those 'victims' who wanted so badly to believe.
"Too good to be true?". Then it ISN'T. Opiate addicts who "turn it all around" and aren't subject to endless 'sword of Damocles' relapses? Unicorn hunting. "Lifetime endings" with said person becoming the great person fulfilling the potential that "hero you" always knew they had? Saddling up said unicorn and winning Kentucky derby with it. Possible? Sure. So is winning the lottery.
I preach better than I practice. Actually, I was (and am) a
pretty good sniper in this thing called life. Very low cross section, very high Pk. But one time I let my guard down--stood up--and took a high powered round to the chest (when I thought no one would notice!).
Thing is, addiction ALWAYS notices. It has a spiders sense. And a lifetime watching starry-eyed fly------is like manna from heaven.
'Wanna know the truth? I like lifetime, too. But I still
give the spouse guff over it.........while I watch with her.
But to the world? All they need to know is that I binge stream the "deceptive death and dismemberment whilst maintain small cross section" channel.
My takeaway from this nightmare? It's OK to be a fuzzy teddy bear,as long as you are inside a monstrously armored M1A1 tank.
(exec. summary: Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by hopepraylove 
It is not necessarily causing me pain, it just catches me off guard more than anything...I do not feel "dangerously compromised." This is a man who has been my best friend, and partner, for years. I am just asking for advice with what would be the best way to approach/handle conversations. I don't want to inquire about his program---it's none of my business. I want to be compassionate, but also short. I don't want to overly engage. But---I do not think it's entirely necessary to cut him out completely.
I don't know if that is realistically possible.
The relationship is flawed; marred; and you are sending mixed messages.
Are you entirely sure it is YOU who needs to establish "no contact" or "limited contact". Is it YOU who sets the boundary? Perhaps HE is trying to set boundaries with you.
Then again, maybe this is not really about you at all.
You sound very worried and I empathize that you are stressed out about this.
But do try to understand where he is coming from as well.
What are your expectations?
This all sounds a bit confusing.
Good Luck.
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