If I can get him to see a doctor
 

Im new here and looking to get as much information as I can before I confront my boyfriend about his drug use. Short backstory, he has bad anxiety for many years, had a rough childhood. Been using weed to help with anxiety and I had some issues with the smoke in the house but we resolved it, and its been helping him. Id prefer he see a doctor but he has a fear of doctors. the past few weeks hes been acting off in his mood and attitude towards me. one of our joint friends said he has been experimenting with smoking different things, and was worried he was getting in trouble with heroin. I havent confronted him yet. I passed through the anger stage today and now I want to discuss it with him as soon as I feel ready. If I can get him to see a doctor. How will the doctor react towards him if he admits illegal drug use? do they normally refer people to specialists immediately? Im thinking about getting family involved if I can confirm hard core drug use and he wont respond to me alone. If youve been through it, can you help me.

Hello Jessica,

I have only been thru the medical system for alcohol with my RAH. The first time I got involved, he was having what I thought was a nervous breakdown. I drove him to an ER. They were fine with him and he was given meds to comfortably come off his drinking level and enrolled him in their IOP.

Five years later my H was in even worse shape. This time I understood that it was much more alcohol-related. I went with him to his MD (whom he rarely sees) and sat in the corner and let him talk. I just corrected his amounts. (I wasn't a strict counter, but we recycle...) The MD pulled his PA in and they tried to get him into a local inpatient rehab. The MD was exceedingly kind but firm about my H needing to arrest his addiction. He told us his brother had died from alcoholism. We left there to try to get my H into the rehab but it did not happen. The MD then did authorize some scripts to help H come off the alcohol cold turkey at home.

I can only offer hugs to you! More will be along in a while I am sure. It does sound alarming. If you can find a doctor who has some experience with addictive substances that would be helpful I would say. As around.

Good luck to you!

Jessica, I don't think we've had the pleasure of being introduced, so Welcome to the Board.

We often arrive at moments such as yours where we've had enough of the status quo and we're ready take to action. That said, just because you're ready to take action doesn't mean the addict is ready to take action. We can't make people do anything they don't want to do. It's a sad thing, and a difficult thing to accept. So I encourage you to be prepared for an argument, and I also encourage you to consider an exit strategy if things do not improve to your satisfaction.

Keep us posted going forward, and again, Welcome to the Board.

thanks for the replies. we had an ok night and talked some but I didnt bring this up yet. watching and looking for more signs of opiate use compared to weed. One thing is he falls asleep whenever he sits down, or lays down immediately. and hes not eating much but has said his stomach has been upset off and on for a couple weeks now. It will take a miracle to get him to the doctor, not sure it will happen. Im still in shock he could be using hard drugs, hiding it, lying in bed next to me after using heroin. I feel sick if I think about it.

Well, that's an understandable reaction. But remember, Jessica: you have choices. There's nothing that says you have to stand by a person who won't even stand by himself.

Be safe.

what does it mean " a person who wont even stand by himself?"

When someone gives themselves permission to go down the rabbit hole of drug addiction, they've chosen to disengage from the responsibilities of life. They don't hold themselves accountable for their choices. All they care about is feeling what they're feeling when under the influence, and to hell with the consequences. So from my vantage point, a person who does not hold themselves accountable does not stand by themselves.

I was angry at first and was thinking the same thing, but the more I read I feel its not exactly a well thought out decision to try it, a mistake? and maybe often by the time a person says was this a good idea? its too late because the drug forms its bond and changed the thinking into denial. How can I keep being angry if he is sick and not realizing he's going off the deep end ? Its not he doesnt care about himself I dont think, more like being sucked into a swirling vortex. maybe hes not too far down yet?

You can be angry because he's the one that made the choice to begin with to go down that road.

And at the end of the day, it's really not about being angry. If you read enough posts, Jess, you're going to see a pattern. And that pattern is the addict does not have the bandwidth to be a responsible, committed partner because they're too busy self destructing.

As a point of reference, check out posts by a member named mnh1982. Two other members are story74 and YogaGirl; read their posts. And then judge for yourself.

Keep us posted.

I will keep reading and asking questions. I see a lot of angry posts and over the weekend it made me even angrier at him. I think its better I focus on us and not get too deep with what happened to other people. But Im not sure can you be mad at a kid touching a hot stove, or a friend or fiance making a mistake? sure, but his smoking weed hasnt ever been about me, and his getting more involved with drugs isnt about me. I think I can be sad he's making bad decisions. Im angry at how hes been acting and stuff hes said to me. Its why I know something is wrong, why I left Saturday and was gone all day to be away from him.

The more he makes bad choices, the more it will affect you because you are a couple. That is the reality.

by the time WE find out the situation is often far worse than we are capable of imagining, ie it's gone on longer and the intake is higher, and/or they've done some rather despicable things. not always, of course.

understand that your first "talk" might not go so well.....he is likely to be hostile and defensive and may just shut down entirely. OR he may concede a bit of behavior, but downplay it. the best you can do is express concern and suggest that he change his course SOONER rather than LATER. then it's up to him.....