bottleblonde

I've been coming in here for years, not much in the past couple of years (feel free to look up past posts!)

To recap, from the outside we were the perfect suburban family of 4, because I kept a big secret from the outside world. My husband of 22yrs. became addicted to Lortab after back surgery 13 years ago. For a while I had no idea of his problem, until he came to me saying he was in trouble at work and opened up about his addiction. He had been stealing from his job to support the habit and ended up arrested. That was adjudicated and he served no time. Tried outpatient program but he wasn't ready and began using again (not sure he ever really stopped.) Over the past 13 years he has been on suboxone (don't agree with AT ALL), was arrested again for stealing from another job (again served no time), and went from just soboxone to adderol, then cocaine, then our 15 yr old and 19 yr old found syringes and crystal meth in the bathroom. That was IT!

Thank goodness in our state you can file a writ for committment for addiction, as in our situation. On July 2, the cops took him to the state hospital 3 hours away and he has been there for over a month. After several days he was thanking me, has been following the program, and now he is in such a better place! It's so nice to hear him be "normal." The best part is that he can't leave until they say he can, so he will finish.

His release date is August 26, and I can't wait to go get him! There was never any violence in our family, so of course he can come home. There is only 1 family visit allowed, and that was 2 weeks ago. We talk every day and he says he is ready to be out and can handle it, but I can't help but be terrified of him getting back into old habits!

I have seen a therapist, not so much in the past several months, and that has helped me SO MUCH. I have learned to detach but still love - that was the HARDEST part. I no longer panic, worry myself sick, snoop, etc., and I thought that would never happen.

What is my role here in recovery besides being there for him? What am *I* supposed to do different? What things should I not do and say? The program doesn't really involve the family like others places as it is state-run.


Any input is much appreciated!

CodeJob

Hello BottleBlond,

Welcome to SR!

I would make a relapse plan with your H. What your role will be if he relapses. More importantly, what his relapse prevention work will be and what he will do if he relapses. Then, it's all laid out for both parties. I'd even sign it.

I'd also make standing appts with your counselor. You're going to need an outlet. Good Luck!

zoso77

I would encourage you to keep your expectations in a realistic place. The truth is none of us know what's going to happen once he's out. Once he's out and he starts running with the ball, only time will tell.

His actions will speak more than words. And your eyes will not lie.

Keep us posted going forward, and good luck.

Chino

It is his disease to own; please let him own it. Don't attempt to control, don't micromanage, and don't enable. If he wants to talk about it, let him, but don't push and don't pretend to have any answers. Encourage him to find his own answers.

It really might be a good idea to contact your therapist again, and check out a few Alanon meetings, or at least the steps. If you're both working the steps, you're both on the same page. If he's working a different recovery program find out what the equivalent is for loved ones.

Best wishes to you and yours