story74

Ugh. I haven't written in awhile.

Things have been OK. My x has had supervised visits. The visits are amicable. We meet at a park. Unfortunately, he was a no call no show just 2 weeks ago. I sent an Email to let him know, but of course there was no response on his part. Since then he has made the 2 scheduled visits. My feeling is that a no call no show signifies drug use. Wouldn't that be a red flag to you?

Today we had a visit. He and I had it out. He wants to see his son more and wants to be a part of his life. I asked him about the no call no show and he refused to answer why it happened, and then said he slept in and his alarm didn't go off. LIE. I asked why he didn't call and apologize, and he said it was my fault because if he doesn't call by a certain time he can't see his son. TWIST/DEFLECT.

Sigh. I told him I didn't trust him. He asked why he can't see his son without me. He is mad because I told his son he is on drugs. He says he is not on drugs and disappeared for a year and half had nothing to do with drugs. LIE. He wants to sit in on our therapy sessions just so he can tell the therapist/ my son I smoked pot. He calls me a hypocrite. He is so mad that I told his son he is an addict
(Which I didn't realize until now). I told him I have spoken to my child about everything child appropriately. VINDICTIVE. I told him I want honesty in the therapy sessions and he said he wants all sides being told. I guess he is very insecure about the therapy sessions that just started. He is mad at me. UNFAIR!
All this came out. We haven't discussed anything in 4 years. This is the first time we have talked in 4 Years. Im so confused by him. I am actually surprised by his lack of accountability and his delusional self.
He refuses to back down. He isn't use to not getting his way. I'm also surprised how he can lie so well. I feel like if we go into the therapy sessions he won't admit his drug use, will try to male me the bad guy...so what's the point to even asking him to come? He is making me question reality. That's the frustrating part. He making me think, "wow, maybe he isn't on drugs and I'm crazy" then, I think of the circus I have been through for the past 4 years.

What do you think? Do you think he is full of it? I definitely don't think it is a good idea for him to sit in on therapy sessions if he sees this as a format to come after me. I don't know what to do.

I know I don't trust him. I think he is conspiring against me. I think he is still using drugs.

Ann

I think he doesn't get to call the shots and that his demands are ridiculous even under better circumstances.

He doesn't get to share your therapy, if he wants his say have him find his own therapist. He doesn't get to demand more time with the child without proving himself clean, responsible and worthy. Bless you for keeping the child safe from his behaviour.

And honestly, if the visit today when you and he had it out was in front of your child, then I think the child will pay the emotional price because you two can't take your discussions some place neutral...or talk through your lawyer, he or she will know all about "demands" and take care of it quickly.

Story, you are a good mom and strong in your recovery. Please don't let him shake that, if he cannot visit on your terms then perhaps he shouldn't visit at all. Please talk to your lawyer about this, he cannot threaten "your" ability as a mother, how dare he try.

Keep your focus on yourself and your child and refuse to participate in his games/chaos/demands. You are no longer his victim, let your actions show that.

Bless all mama's who raise children alone, I know it's very hard and wish you better days ahead.

Hugs

story74

Yes, thank you! I needed to hear all that.

First, I was confused, but now I am angry. I am angry that he is lying and demanding. I am so shocked that he is so angry with me and wants to come after me with a vengeance.

My initial reaction is to send him an email and call him out on all his BS because I am so mad. But, where will that get me? He is not listening to anything or anyone unless they are petting his head and enabling him. Why start a war?

Nope, I am going to ignore him. I am going to focus on my son and making sure he is ok emotionally and take care of myself. We are going to go to therapy without him. We are going to continue supervised visits just the way they have been. I am not changing anything. I am not going to respond to him, I am just going to do it my way.

I am just so angry. He is so manipulative and selfish. I hate having such a toxic person in my life. I see all these happy families ....the kids biggest problem is that they don't get a toy they want, and here I am trying to make sure my young child is emotionally stable. He doesn't even seem to care what is going on in my child's mind/heart it is all about what HE wants.

It is hard being a single mom. He walked out on EVERYTHING. There was no discussion. Poof, he was gone. I was a stay at home mom. For the past 4 years I have had to put my life back together all by myself. I have done a pretty good job, but sometimes I want to SCREAM!!!! How dare he is right. How dare he on so many levels. He is living in strong denial. It scares me. there is no rationalizing with him.

Sorry, but I had to vent.

JOIE12

he needs his own therapy and recovery before he could begin to deserve to see his child. He will use this as one more way to intimidate and control you.