sicofit

Okay so I am dealing with someone who has been on Suboxone for 7years now and cannot make his script last at all so he asks me to hold them then he goes and opens an extra one because of how he cut the last one up he is always lying to himself about how he is managing his meds when I say something his voice goes from 0 to 100 and he starts yelling so I react and start telling him I just do not think I can do this anymore being in a relationship that requires this much work is exhausting so I take him to work because he lost his drivers liscense and then when hr gets off later that day starts drinking then keeps trying to confront me he knows I do not wish to speak to him when he is drinking yet he continues to harass me even when I go to bed he keeps busting in the room and turning on the light finally he passes out thank God . So anyways after about 2 days when he is sober and I tell him how he needs to quit doing this that if he cannot talk about his feelings when he is sober he will not be allowed to get drunk and harass me about how I need to change and talk about issues he's just like oh well and says he is only treating me how I treat him .he is a total jerk and its sad that he can only stare at the tv when I try to work things out by talking it over when he is sober and this happens every other weekend where he feels the need to get ********* and start some argument it's so cowardly to act this way

CodeJob

Welcome to SR Sicofit,

Can you end this relationship? Why are you still in it? All you can control is you.

atalose

No matter when you are attempting to talk and reason things out with him, you are still dealing with an addicted mind. Just because he’s not consumed any alcohol that day doesn’t mean he’s sober. He’s been on Suboxone for 7 years and abusing it then drinking on top of that – he’s doing what addicts do and you are expecting him to be someone else.

What benefit are you getting out of this relationship? How is this relationship enhancing your life?

sicofit

Well we do have two children together and I have wrestled with the decision for some time but I am starting to see that leaving is the only option I'm going to try to get my own place with help from family I just don't get why some people can only talk when they are drunk and then it's a one sided argument unbelievable

AnvilheadII

7 years is a LONG time to STILL be on subs. the whole idea is that they are a step down drug, not a replacement like methadone. as it is, he is not taking them AS prescribed and is drinking on top of that. so even IF he has not had a drink in a day or two he is never SOBER. he is still an addict in active addiction.

and you don't have to stick around and hand out meds and play taxi driver. you get to be DONE when you say you are. you can give up trying to TALK any sense into him.....he stopped hearing a word you said LONG ago.

it IS exhausting, trying to manage a full grown man who refuses to ACT like one. and it's NOT YOUR JOB.

what are some options besides THIS?

davaidavai

If you read the other posts here, as I'm doing for the first time (my dad's a meth user) you realize that they are all like this, someone really supportive trying to talk or work an addict out of his addiction. I don't think it works. I think you have to draw some boundaries and set some contingencies. They just take and they will never stop trying to get you to cave and to play by their rules of engagement.

BlackSabbath

sicofit, yes, you must be. I was. Took our two kids and left 10 weeks ago. It's been an on & off relationship for over three years with a sick man who I only discovered within the last year has serious alcohol dependency issues and a cocaine addiction. He's even been to rehab, which - surprise! - isn't the magic answer. It got so that the pain of staying with him far outweighed the pain of separation.

It's true that a day without drinking/ using does *not* make an addict/ alcoholic "sober". That's why he says all of that crap to you. Hurt people hurt people, and you can't be in a healthy relationship with someone who isn't healthy (I love those two cliches...repeat over & over in your head!). I know my axbf isn't clean & sober because he says horrendous things to me in the very few times we have had contact and hasn't so much as asked about his little children. Not healthy behaviour.

Set some boundaries for yourself and think long & hard about what your future looks like if you stay. He won't change. But you can. You & your kids do not need to live in a toxic environment. You all deserve better than what he can give you right now. Nobody goes to Home Depot and requests their floors to be done in eggshells, which is what you constantly walk on with an addict. Good luck, I hope you read & post here & get some clarity. Check out the family & friends of alcoholics too.

JOIE12

while he becomes more dependent upon substances, you will learn to become stronger and leave when the pain is too much. Save yourself.
Hugs to you,
Joie