tartel

left AH few months ago, and moved away. i left home, left everything behind. didn't go no contact as i felt like i should help him. been only in touch via email thinking i could help him while still working on myself. AH has been sober (as far as i know - i haven't checked), he made a few attempts to manipulate me to get me to talk to him (suggestions about killing himself. same narrative each time, wanting me to call/ get in touch). later he would calm himself down and apologise, followed by a few more days of calm until he starts it again.
i hadn't told him where i was. he had so far been obsessing about where i had been, trying to find me. despite me not telling him, which is a clear sign that i didn't really want him to find me.
last night he sent me a loving email wanting me to let him know if i want to be with him still, when i was ready. i didn't respond, and then, tonight he sends me a photo of a noose hung in his room, with several emails saying he is drunk and ready to kill himself, etc. worried about how death would feel. asking me to call him. my blood ran cold, felt hysterical, began imagining the worst (despite him doing this constantly, i should maybe know better). i have been previously diagnosed with GAD, don't really know how to handle emotion and felt genuinely physically unwell and completely afraid, as i always do when this happens. i was also alone and didn't really have anyone to turn to. i got in touch with some mutual friends and asked them to call his family (who he lives with). he spoke to this friend, apparently told him he was genuinely trying to get better, spoke of being depressed and having no point to life. i feel sad for him, as i know he is probably genuinely quite disturbed and doesn't really know a way to get help - but i know that i need to go no contact now, for my own sake. i am too scared by this, traumatised by this repetitive situation to be in any kind of relationship with him anymore. i feel bad i had been in contact before now - feels like i should have said i didn't want to be with him at the outset when i had left - whereas i dithered because i wanted to be gentle and let him down kindly. my fault absolutely. what do you think i should do now?

AnvilheadII

so very sorry you had to deal with that. for future reference, call 911 FIRST, explain you have someone threatening self harm, and then if you want to call family or whatever do so.

i think NO CONTACT is the best thing FOR YOU now. he has been playing head games and using you as an emotional whipping post, and it is absolutely OK to remove yourself from such a situation. save yourself. save your sanity. if we all focused on doing what is the best and most wise thing for OUR OWN HEALTH and well being, the world be in far better shape.

greeteachday

I too am so sorry you have had to deal with this. I completely agree with Anvil's suggestions, especially calling 911 each and every time there is a threat of self harm. If it is true, he'll get help; if manipulation it will then hopefully stop. Hopefully you can block texts and emails and move forward. If he wants help, he will find it.

tartel

i've done it. sent the email, and blocked his address. i feel sad this is how it has to end. he is full of self hatred already - this will really give him a reason to spiral. i don't want to witness anything he does now, although he will do his darndest to ensure i will. i don't want to soften towards him. i want to be strong.