DahliaRose

My gf has a serious Cat addiction (methcathinone). She has had multiple stints in rehab and I really hate seeing her suffer from the withdrawal symptoms of the drug. The stomach pain, headaches, anxiety, depression, nausea, aggression... It's all too much to endure.

She has lost 3 jobs in the Last 6 months, just bought a new phone and sold it. I am supportive and I am also battling my own addiction to marijuana. She truly wants to quit but the cycle is vicious. Can I do anything else to ease her pain?

This woman means the world to me and I would do anything but I refuse to be an enabler or condone her behaviour. How should I deal with a relapse?

AnvilheadII

unless SHE wants to quit half as much as YOU want her to quit, there really isn't a thing you can FOR her. she's already been to rehab multiple times, so she HAS tools to use to get clean.....but it is up to her to pick those tools up and USE them.

good for you on not wanting to enable. don't loan her money or pay her bills, don't fall the "poor me" stuff, don't stick around and take abuse if she gets high and abusive. love is a great thing but it is about as effective on ACTIVE addiction as trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon.

DahliaRose

I know that I can't make her quit. I just wish there was more I could do, you know? I told her that she should stop doing it in front of me and she has. She really is trying this time. We are working towards marriage and moving in together, but before I commit to her in that way, I need us both to be sober. When we're together, we don't use (anymore) which is a good thing, but as soon as she has a bad day, things go back...
It's crazy and sad. I don't want to fight about it, because that's counterproductive.

Charioteer

I know how you feel Dahlia. Unfortunately Anvil is right... unless she wants it -- and really wants it bad enough to fight the hardest fight of her life against it -- there's nothing you're going to be able to do. As brutal as it is to watch our loved ones suffer, we can't fix it. She might love you as much as she's ever loved another human being, but an addict has something else that they love more than that. You'll always lose to the addiction as long as its active. Only her making the choice on her own and committing to it will fix it -- you have no power over her here.

I was in pretty much exactly the same situation as you were, except you sound like you're approaching it better than I did. I forced myself to look past the addiction and see all the great things behind it. I made the jump to move in, get married, and two years later my accounts are empty, my credit cards are maxed, and she pawned the wedding ring for drugs.

Hear me on this: Don't commit to her until she commits to you.

No matter how much your heart screams at you that this isn't a big deal, it is.