Jillian2563

Hi - I'm not new to this site but new "this" forum. I'm an alcoholic trying my best to stay sober. My husband is a meth addict. Last week, I to him I was done, like many many times before. He promised me (over the phone) he'd change and to give him 30 days to see. Well I came home and guess what? He was high. He lied about it of course but I
can always tell even just by talking to him on the phone. Anyway a couple days pass ( I wasn't sober either) and I have another emotional breakdown. So then yesterday I was sober. Today I am sober. He texted me today and sold me the world, told me I would never be unhappy again. I came home (hadn't talked to him since lunch but had texts with him) and he was painting my sons room (finally, yay, finishing a couple month project) problem is, he didn't come out for a while. When I went to check on the progress, he's high. I cooked for two hours! I told my son to tell him it was ready but already knew he wouldn't join us. And he didn't. So I waited an hour and finally put everything away. I texted him and told him there are no more "second" chances, no I'm Sorry's anymore even though he's in the other room. Nothing. Now I'm laying here wondering what the hell i'm going up do. He won't leave, no matter how angry, upset, crazy, nice I've gotten in the past. And it's not good for me to act out in any way either. I've wasted so much of my life and missed so much of my sons precious time. In the past, I'd drink. Hell I did it last week. But I'm determined to change this situation for me and my son.

FeelingGreat

Hi Jillian, congratulations on your sobriety and determination to make your son's life a happy healthy one. It's a decision you'll never regret.

You know your AH will say anything to get you to relent, but words are cheap and if you look at his actions he's done nothing. OK so you want him to go.

If he won't leave voluntarily you could find a legal service which would advise you on how to proceed. He is using in the presence of your son, so that could be one way to force things. Another would be for you and your son to plan to leave, which might take longer, but you would have control in your own place.
How about writing him a letter asking him to leave because you want your son to grow up in a sober house? Of course all of this could backfire unless you stay strong with your own addiction.

Start planning for you to separate from your AH, think up all the ways you can, seek support, and it will happen. But be aware that you've caved before and remember you have to stay strong until the end.

NestWasEmpty

Can you think of a place to stay for a while to get out of your situation - to clear your head ? Only for just a few days to make a point that your done with him . It's going to be very hard to stay sober in that situation . Maybe even a shelter for woman and children . Seeing as though your staying sober , the shelter could help you to get an order to have him removed for using . That you don't want that around your child .
I can't think of any thing else if he won't leave on his own . I know it will be hard , but we all are stronger than we think . Wishing you strength ..

Jillian2563

Thats the hard part. The house we live is owned by my mother - she doesn't live here but we pay rent to her. I don't want her to know what's going on, although it's been ongoing for quite sometime, years. I'm just finally getting to the point realizing that I need to grow up, be a woman and a mother, get sober and live right. But there's always that stupid voice telling me I'll look like a fool if I tell my mom and she helps me and then what if I go back.

Ilovemysonjj

Tell your mom. She probably suspects something is off as it is. As a Mother, I would want my child and grandchild safe from drugs. I don't know how old you are, but my addicted son is 25. I would listen to someone I love if they cam to me in honesty. You could live with your Mom for a short time while you kicked the addict out. Time wil reveal more as it relates to the addict.

FeelingGreat

Hi Jill, if you're still open to the possibility of getting back together with him, then that makes it difficult. Many people in your situation say they will think again if their A spouse has been sober/clean for a year and is actively working a program. If you put it like that to your mother, she would at least know the standards you have set for him.
If you get back with him because you believe his words as opposed to his actions you'll be in this situation indefinitely.
I would think it makes sense to hold off a bit until you're 100% sure what you want to do, rather than act strong and then cave.
I have a very adult relationship with both my adult children but I hope they would come to me if they thought I could help.

Lily1918

I will say this much...

AH and I could NOT get sober together. We tried. We really tried. We did 30 days apart. Stayed clean. He came home. Didn't work. 120 days apart. We both stayed clean again. Didn't work. Relapse waiting to happen. Now we have been apart 1 1/2 years and are both sober now. This time I didnt let him come straight home. Only time reveals these things. Lots and LOTS of time. We still love each other as much as we can... but there is a reason that the sponsors say to avoid romance for at least the first year of sobriety. We have chosen to give it two. We had no choice but to wait a year and a half.

Food for thought

Jillian2563

I have a lot to think about. My mom is not the most understanding which is funny because she been where I am when I was a kid, but she was never married until I was an adult. It just wish he'd agree to separate for some time so we can figure things out but he just will not leave mostly because he has no where to go. And I know my mom wouldn't let me stay with her so that he could stay in HER house we rent. No way.

I am sober today. Day 3. And yet it was another sleepless night because he was up doing whatever the hell he does when he's using.

I took his account of my direct deposit this morning along with his child support I had coming out of my check. Trying to get him off my insurance but it has to be a life event, such as divorce. I googled legal separation this morning and the state we live in doesn't recognize legal separation. I've been thinking about calling the local police office to see if they are allowed to recommend to him to leave or something without sending him to jail.

I have him his vehicle key back this morning and demanded mine back. That's another thing, I had a perfectly good truck that now needs all kinds of maintenance due to him using it and not taking care of it. He has the most reliable vehicle out if the two at this moment. So now I guess I need to start seeing how to come up with the money for that.

hopeful4

Ugh....I would definitely speak to your mom, and to an attorney, most will talk to you for free. You may have your mother legally evict him.

I am going to second what someone else said. It's quite likely she knows something is off. Secrets lead to horrible anxiety. When I opened up about my X's issues, it opened up an entire new support system to myself, and to him in many ways.

Keep posting, you are not alone!