Anka

My husband and I have been together for five years, since I was eighteen. We have been married for three years. For the first 4 years of our relationship, he was a good husband and father. He had his own business and hobbies and spent time with our kids and me. No marriage is perfect but we were happy. Last summer he started acting completely insane. He has hallucinations and delusions. I had no idea what was wrong with him. This behavior has been going on and off since then. My husband lost his business, ended up in jail for writing bad checks, lost three jobs since then and now has no money but owes thousands. He recently admitted to me that he has been doing meth. He is so lost that he doesn't realize he is losing his mind. He lives in a world that is a complete fantasy. He is no longer my husband. His personality is completely gone. We have lost our home. I live with my mom and he lives with his. His mother hates me and uses his weak state of mind to manipulate him against me. She blames me for this problem even though I have tried bringing him to doctors and therapists and drug counselors. She says she will help him but she doesn't. Probably the worst part of this situation is that I am pregnant and due in a week. I cry every time I think about going to the hospital and delivering this baby alone. I am very sad for my children. They may have to grow up without a dad. They are young and I wish they would have been able to know their father for longer. He was a wonderful person. I am afraid that even if he stops doing meth he will never be the same. I miss him so much already.

Ilovemysonjj

Dear Anika, my son is my addict so I cannot totally relate to your story. I do want to welcome you to an amazing community of people here who have so much experience with living with a loved one in addiction. I hope and pray that you read all of our "stickies" and also post directly into the "friends and family" part of SR. There are many other mothers of future and existing children who are involved with a father of their offspring. PLEASE stay strong for your child.
TT

Falseclaimsact

I am so sorry for your situation.

Gather your support system now! Do you have friends who you can call, siblings?

Start a labor thread on here if you want to share your experience while it's going on!

Or, does your area have a low cost midwife/doula organization? I used to live in an area where midwives in training would provide [coaching] services for free. Look into it so you may not have to go through the birth experience alone.

Even if you do end up by yourself for the birth--it won't be for long, that baby will be joining you......

How wonderful that you are having another baby!!! I wish you a smooth and uneventful labor!

..... I sometimes find myself projecting into the future, wondering how sad it will be for my eight month old if her dad isn't around, wondering how I should answer questions........ I have to STOP doing that. It serves no purpose. I have no idea what will or won't happen tomorrow, whether there is an addict in my life or not. Stay with today.

CodeJob

Oh honey,

Welcome to SR. Lots of wise women here for you - and some wise fellows too!

Focus on the baby. You well know at this moment, you can't do anything for your husband.

Peace!

JOIE12

the use of drugs has altered your husbands brain. Wiring and thought processes don't change after using for any amount of time. I have a friend who used meth and even years afterwards - he is not the person that I knew before drugs.

it's a sad truth but better to find out sooner than later.

I'm sorry that you are having this baby without him but he will not be present even if he were there. He would likely not remember it nor connect with you or this new baby. Blessings to you and a safe delivery. We are all here for you. Please keep us updated as you walk thru this difficult time and let us know when your precious child is here !

I know I would dread giving birth alone but would discover so much strength in it and getting thru it. Like my own rebirth.

Praying for you and your family. Strength to you. Hugs Anka

maia1234

Anka,
Not much wisdom to offer. Just sending hugs to you. You will get through this, as rough as it will be. You need to stay strong for you and your babies. They need one healthy parent. They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle!!
Hugs my friend!!

standandwait

Oh sweetie! Im so sorry.... but you can and you will make it through this! Hugs to you!

DahliaRose

Hi there.

Meth changes a person into an unrecognisable, aggressive person who will lie to get a fix. My brother was a meth addict. It was so bad that he ended up getting violent with me when I refused to give him money. He would steal from me and others in the family. It got so bad that he started getting stuff on credit and drug dealers would show up at home to collect.
After two stints in rehab, he was sent to live with my sister where drugs weren't as readily available as where I live. He has been clean for nearly a year now. He has a job, takes care of his kids and is back to his normal self....

There's light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you and your husband find peace and work out your issues.

Jillian2563

I wish I could give you good advice. My husband is a meth addict and I'm an alcoholic. I'm working on my sobriety - only day 2 for me without beer. I thought my husband was on board with me but when I came home today I noticed he is high.

The only advice I have for you is to focus on your children and start rebuilding your life. If he doesn't stop, it will get bad. I've lost so much precious time with my son worrying about my husband and also getting to a bad place with alcohol just to "deal" with him. I wish I hadn't. I love my husband but I hate who he is on meth.

I know I'm not giving much support here; he absolutely could get clean but only if he wants to. After 8 years of myself having to deal with this, I'm exhausted and regret so much - mainly neglecting myself and son.

Good luck and congratulations on the new baby. I hope the best for you.