Yogagurl

Hi - I just found out, after taking a restraining order on my EXAH in Dec of 2014, he has been seeing my boyfriend's STBX wife. The jist of it is that I moved, blocked all contact, took out a restraining order, moved again, and had basically broken all ties that could possible lead him to me. My boyfriend has children and we have been spending the weekends together - we finally figured out, through the kids, that my husband is dating my boyfriends STBX wife. I guess my husband is trying to get the 14 y/o to go to work with him and the kid mentioned it to us. "John works construction and said I could help on the weekends." Then, the child described the dog because "John" has a dog "just like my dog." Spilled the name of the dog and described the dog to a T.

Legally, I have a restraining order, I don't know if there is anything I can do at this point. I have contacted my attorney. They are clearly freaking psychopaths though. I believe the wisest thing to do is to pretend we don't know anything and let the situation unravel on it's own - there is nothing either one of us can do about who dates who.

ladyscribbler

Wow, that's incredibly creepy. Does the stbx wife really understand that he's using her and her children's contact with you as a way to insinuate himself into your life? It's possible that she's also a victim. I'm sure he hasn't been honest with her.
Too weird. Those poor kids.

Yogagurl

@ ladyscribbler, anyone who crosses his path is a victim. At least I know before I started slipping with really personal matters. I have no idea how long they have been seeing each other but she is just as mentally unstable as he is if she is seeing him. I mean, who dates their ex husbands current girlfriend? How freaky is that? I get being nosy or something like that, but they just took a vacation together while we had the kids and we had no idea they had been seeing each other. It's just so strange.

ladyscribbler

Sounds like both of them are more focused on "getting back" at the exes than on each other. That is an insane reason to get into a relationship.
My ex married his uncle's widow a few month after his uncle died. Now his cousins are also his stepdaughters and I hear banjo music playing in the background every time he calls. I think he just needed someone to do his laundry and drive him to the liquor store, but maybe I'm wrong and they're star-crossed lovers.
Either way, crazy is as crazy does.

Yogagurl

The thing is that I really don't believe it would do any good to try to but in and warn or pry or shine any light. Master manipulators will turn anything around to make themselves look better and I feel it would stir him back in my life even more if I did try to contact her. We have agreed to just let the situation dissolve because I truly don't believe it can last long. If I butt in, I don't feel it will help but only make matters worse.

Yogagurl

Yes! I laughed when I read about the banjo music, it's so sick. Two weeks after I left, my ex was shacked up with a woman 20 years older than him who took care of him. He'll leech on to anyone who will throw him a bone. This chick he's with is likely just trying to fish for information about me. It is amazing how low people will stoop - I mean, I was manipulated like hell for a long time, but there was no one else involved. I was brain washed.

NoelleR

Just from reading the title............ya know, it could also be said that you're dating your X's current girlfriend's STBX...........hmmmm

(o:

Ann

I agree that it's all creepy and think you are wise staying as far away from him as possible. I would keep your children away from him too unless he has visitation privileges, in which case I would ask the children not to discuss you or your life with him...ever.

AnvilheadII

way back when my first husband left me for my "best friend" - we spent a lot of time together as couples, they just changed partners - i almost immediately made a beeline for HER husband and had revenge sex. not proud of that, but at the time, it seemed like the thing to do. i was about 24.

of course it was awful and i could see why she picked MY husband, but me and the other husband quickly realized there was no point in continuing and we ceased any contact.

so yeah it IS creepy - but it is also out of your control. i don't see how he is violating any order of protection per se, but it would sure put me on my guard.

Yogagurl

@AnvilheadII, thanks for the comment. I am truly banking that the relationship will dissolve. My current boyfriend and I are just moving forward and are not interfering in any way - there's no sense in trying to "warn" her because he will counter whatever we say to him and blame everything on me. I am sure that he has told her countless lies about me by now. I really didn't think that anyone could sink as low as this until now. I am beyond disgusted and so grateful the divorce is just around the corner.

Yogagurl

I understand - perception depends on how much information you have about the whole story; everyone will have a different view depending on insight. A few folks on this forum know my whole story, so those people would better understand that I knew my current BF long before those two ever met.

cynical one

♫ My Ex is dating Your Ex whose dating Her Ex and that's Me ♫
There has to be a really bad country song in there somewhere.

I wonder if your Ex deliberately hunted her down and seduced her just to get at you, and she might not even know. If you and your current were clueless for this long, perhaps she is too.

atalose

I think you are wise to allow things to unravel in their own time as they are going to without any interference or help from you or your BF.

What comes to my mind is – sickness finds sickness. He’s an active alcoholic and that doesn’t seem to bother her. And if she knows he is your ex then that also doesn’t seem to bother her so yeah something is not firing right in her.

Sadly there is a woman in our town whose alcoholic husband left her! She is bitter and desperate for male attention so basically she latches on to whomever pays her any sort of attention. When she hears of a couple slitting up or even having some troubles she pretty much shows up on the guys door step with suitcase in hand.

So when it comes to his ex and your ex it’s hard to say which one is the sickest or which one pursued who and that doesn’t’ really matter at all.

What matters is to NOT allow them to change you or your current relationship. Don’t’ over think it all because logic or rational is not part of their equation.

Live happy, live peaceful and in the end what is going to happen with them is what is going to happen with them……………….more will be revealed……………..just don’t try and force the reveal before it’s time.

Yogagurl

@alatose - tight hugs and thank you for the reply. I could not agree with your statement any more than if I had written it myself. Thanks, again.