CarmenLove

I posted this and it disappeared so this is the short version.

I went NC a couple of weeks ago. I told him I was going to for my own benefit to help me move on.

He then emailed a message to my mum to pass to me.

Long story short he said he knows he has a drug problem, he has to be honest with himself. He also expressed strongly that he wants to fix our marriage. He said he will do whatever it takes.

I said I was willing to hear him out on the phone however I was not making any promises as far as 'us' and that we both need to concentrate on our own recoveries.

Anyway, he never called.

10 days went by.

So I emailed him on Saturday and let him know that this emotional hanging on I am doing is not working for me.

No response.

So last night I sent him a 2 liner, that I know he can find recovery if he wants to and I am going NC for my benefit.

This time I have blocked ALL his emails.

I am ready to do this.

I have done everything I could to help without enabling. Nothing made any difference (that I could see). I see there is nothing I can do here.

I have no power over this and it really drags me down everytime I talk to him and despite myself my hopes go up that it might mean he is ready to get clean.

There is nothing I can do here. It's out of my control.

I am starting my new job tomorrow. And I want to go in with fresh, new energy, not dragging the past with me.

I am ready to focus on me.

Would you guys support me as I do my NC please?

Thank you in advance.

CarmenLove

I have decided I am going to give myself 4 months 'breathing space' where I don't make any decisions.

I will be by myself, not dating, and in no contact with him. I will also hold off my divorce for this time (haven't the money anyway and I want to make sure I am 100% sure before I do that. Marriage means something to me even though this one has become a farce).

This time will be MY TIME, just for me to focus fully on my recovery.

I think the path (and my thinking) will become clear.

horsegirl

Carmen,
Huge Karma Support for you !
The thing for NC with me is this, I have a hard time imagining I will never talk to the person i loved for over a decade. I am struggling with this right now.. The urge to connect comes and goes. I slipped last week, but got no response . No response is very hurtful. My mind can wander about why for hours. I am taking the no response as a sign from my higher power , I prayed for an answer , just maybe that was the answer God wanted me to have. So its back to ONE DAY AT A TIME.. Just for today I will not contact. Tomorrow will take care of itself ... sending you all my strength .
Hugs
Horsegirl

Jorgenss

As you stated, there is nothing else you can do for him. I hope you find peace and enjoyment in living a less crazy life.

Best wishes to you and your new job and new environment.

CarmenLove

Thanks Horsegirl,

We can support each other.

You can always PM me if you feel like contacting him, instead of contacting him, and I will see whether I can 'talk you down' :-)

Let me know if you would like to.

Gettngstronger1

CarmenLove,

You definitely sound ready to do this. Good for you! Believe me, I know how hard it is. I am still struggling with it. The "one day at a time" advice has worked best for me. Just get through the day. Think "I won't contact him or reach out to him today." Find ways to help keep yourself distracted if you're really feeling like you want to contact him. Call a friend, go for a run, put on a favorite movie, lose yourself in a good book. Congrats on the new job too!

XxOrestesxX

I don't wanna make this long and drawn out so here is a summary... AH and I have been together 6 years, married 2. He has been a crack and heroin addict with bouts of clean time since he was 16... He had a major relapse in 2012 and has been struggling ever since. the last 2 months he has been an absolute train wreck, he is off the chain! He left over 2 months ago, and he I have not heard from him in over a month... He has caught 2 new charges since he's been gone, and last I heard he is living under a bridge... Or I'm sure he has found a crack house where other addicts will help him use daily... Idk, anyway.. I miss him terribly, but my anxiety has gone down so much, and I am doing better then I ever have in my career.. I do believe my higher power has given me this time to piece my life back together. We all know that in loving an addict, we totally lose ourselves... I prayed for clarity the other night, and I am slowly but surely getting the answers. I really hope whoever is going through somthing similar just keeps moving forward... It's so hard but it's the best thing.

atalose

Keep posting, there is a lot of support here!!!

mnh1982

You go, girl. You will have all the support in the world here. Just remember how much better things have gotten since you first began this journey of separating from him, & how much more you have yet to accomplish.

CarmenLove

Thank you.

This REALLY helped me today.

Gettngstronger1

I'm glad it helped. How are you doing with the new job?

CarmenLove

Hi Gettingstronger -

The job is going really well! In fact most of my life in general seems to be going pretty well now :-)

hopeful4

What a great update, glad things are going well! XXX