I need to let go...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 3
I need to let go...
I posted about three months ago regarding letting go of my ex boyfriend who's an alcoholic and I got some really helpful responses so I'm reaching out again.
Long story short, I left the man I was in love with and wanted a future with because I had enough of his drinking. He was great when we first met and then a trigger came along and he fell off the wagon hard. When I left I told him to get his life together and come find me because I loved him very much. Months passed and not a word from him. I reached out in May and asked him how he was. He said not good and when I tried to dig deeper he stopped answering my texts. The other night I reached out again. I told him I hoped he was alright and that I still cared about him. He said he felt the same way but then proceeded to tell me about some enabling crazy girl he had gotten wrapped up with. I told him that really stung and he said "I know but I'm being honest, if it makes you feel any better, I had to get a restraining order against her". I said "no, that doesn't make me feel better, I still care" to which he replies "I know and you did nothing wrong, I just couldn't be up to par for you". I tried calling after that, no answer. I sent him a text the next day telling him how badly his silence had hurt me over the last few months and that I didn't deserve it....no response.
So, I'm absolutely devastated. This is the guy that was so in love with me at one point and said I was the best thing that ever happened to him and now it's like he just doesn't care whatsoever about me. I've been grieving over him for months and he's just been drinking and hooking up like nothing. Now not only do I have the picture in my head of him being intimate with someone else but I feel total rejection. We were planning a future and instead of fighting for me, he lowered his standards and went to someone else. I didn't need to know that, I don't get why he would mention that. It hurt me to the core.
Long story short, I left the man I was in love with and wanted a future with because I had enough of his drinking. He was great when we first met and then a trigger came along and he fell off the wagon hard. When I left I told him to get his life together and come find me because I loved him very much. Months passed and not a word from him. I reached out in May and asked him how he was. He said not good and when I tried to dig deeper he stopped answering my texts. The other night I reached out again. I told him I hoped he was alright and that I still cared about him. He said he felt the same way but then proceeded to tell me about some enabling crazy girl he had gotten wrapped up with. I told him that really stung and he said "I know but I'm being honest, if it makes you feel any better, I had to get a restraining order against her". I said "no, that doesn't make me feel better, I still care" to which he replies "I know and you did nothing wrong, I just couldn't be up to par for you". I tried calling after that, no answer. I sent him a text the next day telling him how badly his silence had hurt me over the last few months and that I didn't deserve it....no response.
So, I'm absolutely devastated. This is the guy that was so in love with me at one point and said I was the best thing that ever happened to him and now it's like he just doesn't care whatsoever about me. I've been grieving over him for months and he's just been drinking and hooking up like nothing. Now not only do I have the picture in my head of him being intimate with someone else but I feel total rejection. We were planning a future and instead of fighting for me, he lowered his standards and went to someone else. I didn't need to know that, I don't get why he would mention that. It hurt me to the core.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Posts: 123
London 14,
It's absolutely atrocious they are capable of doing this behavior...It's worse when you reach out and find out. I just went through it and the more distance you put between the situation, the better you will start to feel.
I was also very serious with mine and thought we were planning a foundation but he wasn't capable of any of that, whatever he has sounds bad and nothing
you want to get mixed up in.
Stay strong and keep reaching out to us, not him.
kzen
It's absolutely atrocious they are capable of doing this behavior...It's worse when you reach out and find out. I just went through it and the more distance you put between the situation, the better you will start to feel.
I was also very serious with mine and thought we were planning a foundation but he wasn't capable of any of that, whatever he has sounds bad and nothing
you want to get mixed up in.
Stay strong and keep reaching out to us, not him.
kzen
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 186
Read your post tonight.. I am sorry you are going through this. I understand the pain you are feeling.
Maybe when the pain subsides some, you can look at it a different way.
You left telling him to clean up and come find you. Sounds like he didn't clean up yet, so it is probably best he hasn't come found you.
Maybe when the pain subsides some, you can look at it a different way.
You left telling him to clean up and come find you. Sounds like he didn't clean up yet, so it is probably best he hasn't come found you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 398
This might not be what you want to hear...I didn't like hearing it at first either. He's telling you by his actions what he wants as far as a relationship right now. Believe him. You put a great boundary in place. Keep it there! Don't sign up for the devastation associated with being in a relationship with an addict/alcoholic. Stay strong! HUGS to you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 151
In some odd way I think you should see this as his last attempt at giving you what you deserve. He basically told you you're too good for him...and you are. He has little faith in himself and knows he needs to scrape the bottom of the barrell. Tell yourself that in a screwed up way...he's trying to show you your worth.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 15
I feel for you. I've not reached out and found out if there is someone else, mostly because I'm not prepared to handle it if there is. It does get easier with distance and time, but in the mean time, it does hurt like hell. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad though and sitting with your feelings for a while. It's just important that we find a way to move on from them and not let ourselves get bogged down in them for too long.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
