Father's Day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 4
Father's Day
Good morning and thank you all for already helping me as I have lurked a while now and read your posts and comments. It's encouraging to at least know I am not alone.
My husband and I married at 19, almost 22 years ago. We have three daughters -- the oldest just graduated and is bound for college this fall, the middle will be a sophomore, and the baby will be in 3rd grade. Today, being Father's Day, is a tough one. I scroll through social media and I see almost everyone posting about their wonderful husbands and how amazing they are as fathers. I see my girls' friends posting sweet things about their daddies, and I know that nothing like that is going to be shared by my oldest girls. (I should probably ditch Facebook at least!)
They didn't ask for an addict dad. The hardest thing about our oldest graduating this year was looking back and knowing that WE didn't provide her with absolutely everything we could have (not materially, but emotionally and family-wise). I have enabled my AH to live a pretty comfortable life despite his more frequent episodes of meth use (he's at about once a week to 10 days, not coming home at least one or two nights during this time), job instability (fired in May this last time but they approved unemployment), sleeping 36-48 hours at a time (I just close the bedroom door), and on his "good" days smoking pot and binge watching Netflix.
I am going to begin working on me. That's all I can do. He will never leave -- I've made things too easy. He will acknowledge (occasionally) that he is a functioning addict by which he means he contributes financially. He plans to continue to do what he's doing indefinitely because he is a "grown a$$ man" and he isn't hurting anybody. He rages about once every 3-4 months, but largely he stays away when he is high on speed. He misses events, he is rarely present and engaged with the girls even when he's home. They're old enough now to understand what's going on.
I am a teacher, involved in our church, and keeping a great big not-so-secret. It's draining and I know you all know that. I have 8 therapy sessions available to me free of charge throug our employee assistance program, so I might just start there. I haven't completely given up on our life together, but my hope is wearing very thin. He has to overcome his own addiction and the mindset that it's ok because this is what his parents have basically taught him to do.
So, thank you for listening this morning. If today is hard for you as well, you're in good company. We do have some plans, but since he came in about 4 this morning who knows what will actually happen? I am praying for a peaceful day regardless.
My husband and I married at 19, almost 22 years ago. We have three daughters -- the oldest just graduated and is bound for college this fall, the middle will be a sophomore, and the baby will be in 3rd grade. Today, being Father's Day, is a tough one. I scroll through social media and I see almost everyone posting about their wonderful husbands and how amazing they are as fathers. I see my girls' friends posting sweet things about their daddies, and I know that nothing like that is going to be shared by my oldest girls. (I should probably ditch Facebook at least!)
They didn't ask for an addict dad. The hardest thing about our oldest graduating this year was looking back and knowing that WE didn't provide her with absolutely everything we could have (not materially, but emotionally and family-wise). I have enabled my AH to live a pretty comfortable life despite his more frequent episodes of meth use (he's at about once a week to 10 days, not coming home at least one or two nights during this time), job instability (fired in May this last time but they approved unemployment), sleeping 36-48 hours at a time (I just close the bedroom door), and on his "good" days smoking pot and binge watching Netflix.
I am going to begin working on me. That's all I can do. He will never leave -- I've made things too easy. He will acknowledge (occasionally) that he is a functioning addict by which he means he contributes financially. He plans to continue to do what he's doing indefinitely because he is a "grown a$$ man" and he isn't hurting anybody. He rages about once every 3-4 months, but largely he stays away when he is high on speed. He misses events, he is rarely present and engaged with the girls even when he's home. They're old enough now to understand what's going on.
I am a teacher, involved in our church, and keeping a great big not-so-secret. It's draining and I know you all know that. I have 8 therapy sessions available to me free of charge throug our employee assistance program, so I might just start there. I haven't completely given up on our life together, but my hope is wearing very thin. He has to overcome his own addiction and the mindset that it's ok because this is what his parents have basically taught him to do.
So, thank you for listening this morning. If today is hard for you as well, you're in good company. We do have some plans, but since he came in about 4 this morning who knows what will actually happen? I am praying for a peaceful day regardless.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 4
I suppose I could have legal action brought against him if it gets to that point. I have not drawn that line yet, so I guess that's something to think about in the future. He doesn't use the meth at home, but he will show up still under the influence. His drug use really doesn't have any bearing on how I perform my job. I know it isn't ideal to think that an educator might be married to an addict, but we are just regular folks like everyone else who might find themselves in a codependent relationship.
Thanks for the welcome
Thanks for the welcome
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 51
As the wife of an addict, I find myself constantly moving my definition of acceptable behavior to accommodate reality. My baby daughter has no choice but to accept the "normal" I allow to her experience. I rationalize staying with my husband because divorce would be difficult, and my daughter needs her dad. And he is a really great guy, 1/3 of the time.
I am definitely not one to give advice... But we are riding their roller coasters. And every time it slows down to let us out, we DON'T GET OFF. And as long as we're riding, our kids are forced to ride too.
I don't have any good answers but just wanted to let you know I empathize and relate and I'm praying for you.
I am definitely not one to give advice... But we are riding their roller coasters. And every time it slows down to let us out, we DON'T GET OFF. And as long as we're riding, our kids are forced to ride too.
I don't have any good answers but just wanted to let you know I empathize and relate and I'm praying for you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
