characterisitcs of the addict, what were your experiences?
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 352
I think most of the things have been said so I'll try not to repeat! Creating arguments! My husband ( now in recovery) used to create huge arguments with me so that he'd have a reason to vanish for a couple of days and keep his phone switched off.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Nelly1 
I recently told my story on another thread and would just like "for some peace of mind" to know what your addicts signs of abuse were.... Relapse, eccetera. My fiancé abuses opiates, Oxys to be more specific. I would find tin foil and broken pens everywhere (from smoking them), notice his trips to the store were longer and more frequent, itchiness, raspy voice, irratibity.... Lying, making me feel absolutely insane and guilty for "not trusting him"
I know I might be asking for something unfair from all of you, but his mother and I would love to know that we are not insane and he is in fact using again....
Please, anything you can provide us with is beneficial
I know I might be asking for something unfair from all of you, but his mother and I would love to know that we are not insane and he is in fact using again....
Please, anything you can provide us with is beneficial
Establishing he's using is the easy part: just believe what your eyes and gut is telling you.
What your decisions are upon that revelation is the tricky part.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Heroin completed him. It was really that simple. He was on, alive, involved, ate well, missed nothing…
It is twisted and maybe makes sense, maybe doesn’t. I wouldn’t know because it isn’t a pressing question I need an answer to.
Yes there were lies, but not really. Why lie, he knew I knew, he knew I would stay then because I sure as hell didn’t run from the get go.
There was that create an agreement, the pity party poor me’s, the comparing out of I’m not as bad as. It goes with the territory. I learned I didn't have to play.
And yet, why not flip it around and look at what has become of you with the addiction milling about. Because using always looks like using. Recovery looks like something way different. The healthier we are within ourselves the easier it is to see the truth.
In the end for me it came down to my addiction to heroin not his. It was running my every day and I wasn’t even using it.
What a ride …
It is twisted and maybe makes sense, maybe doesn’t. I wouldn’t know because it isn’t a pressing question I need an answer to.
Yes there were lies, but not really. Why lie, he knew I knew, he knew I would stay then because I sure as hell didn’t run from the get go.
There was that create an agreement, the pity party poor me’s, the comparing out of I’m not as bad as. It goes with the territory. I learned I didn't have to play.
And yet, why not flip it around and look at what has become of you with the addiction milling about. Because using always looks like using. Recovery looks like something way different. The healthier we are within ourselves the easier it is to see the truth.
In the end for me it came down to my addiction to heroin not his. It was running my every day and I wasn’t even using it.
What a ride …
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by incitingsilence
Heroin completed him. It was really that simple. He was on, alive, involved, ate well, missed nothing…
It is twisted and maybe makes sense, maybe doesn’t. I wouldn’t know because it isn’t a pressing question I need an answer to.
Yes there were lies, but not really. Why lie, he knew I knew, he knew I would stay then because I sure as hell didn’t run from the get go.
There was that create an agreement, the pity party poor me’s, the comparing out of I’m not as bad as. It goes with the territory. I learned I didn't have to play.
And yet, why not flip it around and look at what has become of you with the addiction milling about. Because using always looks like using. Recovery looks like something way different. The healthier we are within ourselves the easier it is to see the truth.
In the end for me it came down to my addiction to heroin not his. It was running my every day and I wasn’t even using it.
What a ride …
It is twisted and maybe makes sense, maybe doesn’t. I wouldn’t know because it isn’t a pressing question I need an answer to.
Yes there were lies, but not really. Why lie, he knew I knew, he knew I would stay then because I sure as hell didn’t run from the get go.
There was that create an agreement, the pity party poor me’s, the comparing out of I’m not as bad as. It goes with the territory. I learned I didn't have to play.
And yet, why not flip it around and look at what has become of you with the addiction milling about. Because using always looks like using. Recovery looks like something way different. The healthier we are within ourselves the easier it is to see the truth.
In the end for me it came down to my addiction to heroin not his. It was running my every day and I wasn’t even using it.
What a ride …
Needed that post today...thank you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
Finding prescription bottles with no labels but pills and cut off straws in them. Him constantly "going to a friends house" but I never met these people, knew exactly where they lived and only heard about them using their nicknames, never knew their names. Giving excuses for his lying, concocting wild stories that didn't add up to explain why he didn't call me or come home on time or disappeared. Never seemed to have money or be able to contribute to bills. Couldn't take responsibility for anything, counted on me to manage his life. Was always the victim. Lived in a state of denial about all problems, not just drug use. Runs away from problems instead of being proactive to do something about them. Very defensive and getting very angry anytime there was something difficult to discuss. Minimizing how use or his general behavior was affecting us, his family. Blaming me for what was wrong in his life. Always anxious, aggitated, couldn't sit still, angry, irritable - that was when he was withdrawing. Hopelessness. Had to be dependent on something - despite quitting alcohol, then it was onto pills and then after rehab for that, he smoked weed everyday all day long because "weed isn't that bad, everyone does it so it can't be bad".
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by incitingsilence
Heroin completed him. It was really that simple. He was on, alive, involved, ate well, missed nothing… It is twisted and maybe makes sense, maybe doesn’t. I wouldn’t know because it isn’t a pressing question I need an answer to. Yes there were lies, but not really. Why lie, he knew I knew, he knew I would stay then because I sure as hell didn’t run from the get go. There was that create an agreement, the pity party poor me’s, the comparing out of I’m not as bad as. It goes with the territory. I learned I didn't have to play. And yet, why not flip it around and look at what has become of you with the addiction milling about. Because using always looks like using. Recovery looks like something way different. The healthier we are within ourselves the easier it is to see the truth. In the end for me it came down to my addiction to heroin not his. It was running my every day and I wasn’t even using it. What a ride …
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
I notice 'no money' is very common. I found out after the fact the alkie/addict here had gotten a 5 figure loan a couple of years BEFORE hitting me up for "a" loan mentioning or "softly" tossing numbers as high as 50K around-I knew he was testing me so I ignored his "hints". This while they were still employed with no mortgage.
There is being 'bad' with money, reckless spending and then there are costly habits that need to be broken. Full fledged adults openly and aggressively talking about money or lack there of is definitely an issue or sign.
If you see 'no money' and the person is still employed I'm not saying intervene but watch your money and consider it a valid sign something is going on.
There is being 'bad' with money, reckless spending and then there are costly habits that need to be broken. Full fledged adults openly and aggressively talking about money or lack there of is definitely an issue or sign.
If you see 'no money' and the person is still employed I'm not saying intervene but watch your money and consider it a valid sign something is going on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 203
My absolute number 1 sign of relapse is her face breaks out and acne is huge from "picking". Next is the raspy voice. Next is frequent errand running. Next is oversleeping. Put those 4 together and I KNOW she using. No doubts
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 6
My ex is addicted to meth. I can notice straight away. Wether face to face or texting
- sweating
- always hot, even in winter
- bites his lips
- disturbing facial expressions
- pupils
- randomonly buys me things (he has the guilts)
- shakes
- won't eat
- won't sleep for days
- money issues
- stutters, mumbles, talking softly
- high sex drive
- emotional
- deflects everything back onto me
- will make a huge fight about nothing so I'm saying sorry and doing all that so I'm too busy apologising to realise
And he will still think he can lie his way out of it!
- sweating
- always hot, even in winter
- bites his lips
- disturbing facial expressions
- pupils
- randomonly buys me things (he has the guilts)
- shakes
- won't eat
- won't sleep for days
- money issues
- stutters, mumbles, talking softly
- high sex drive
- emotional
- deflects everything back onto me
- will make a huge fight about nothing so I'm saying sorry and doing all that so I'm too busy apologising to realise
And he will still think he can lie his way out of it!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
My A sister also abused Xanax. With her, it was being LOUD and always interupting. Never listening to others, just waiting to jump in if there was a pause (or even if there wasn't) to spew her "wisdom" or complaints. Very agitated all the time. And did I say very LOUD? Couldn't concentrate at task at hand, jumping from one thing to another. Oh... and she's a narcissist, so not very pleasant to be around to begin with.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 151
Emotional instability.
total lack of ability to moderate emotions
emotional neediness
victim mentality about EVERYTHING. Literally it could be raining and the world is out to get him.
Need for constant therapy sessions from everyone around him
total lack of ability to moderate emotions
emotional neediness
victim mentality about EVERYTHING. Literally it could be raining and the world is out to get him.
Need for constant therapy sessions from everyone around him
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by Berrylife
My ex is addicted to meth. I can notice straight away. Wether face to face or texting
- sweating
- always hot, even in winter
- bites his lips
- disturbing facial expressions
- pupils
- randomonly buys me things (he has the guilts)
- shakes
- won't eat
- won't sleep for days
- money issues
- stutters, mumbles, talking softly
- high sex drive
- emotional
- deflects everything back onto me
- will make a huge fight about nothing so I'm saying sorry and doing all that so I'm too busy apologising to realise
And he will still think he can lie his way out of it!
- sweating
- always hot, even in winter
- bites his lips
- disturbing facial expressions
- pupils
- randomonly buys me things (he has the guilts)
- shakes
- won't eat
- won't sleep for days
- money issues
- stutters, mumbles, talking softly
- high sex drive
- emotional
- deflects everything back onto me
- will make a huge fight about nothing so I'm saying sorry and doing all that so I'm too busy apologising to realise
And he will still think he can lie his way out of it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 7
I so relate to these comments! I was unaware at the time what my husband was up to. Everything was my fault (according to him), and as another commentor said- he would pick fights to manipulate the situation and get his way. He never had money, his phone was off limits to me, he was rarely home, and his hair began turning white by 30. Thanks for this thread =)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
X A fiancé:
DOC: cocaine, opiates, alcohol, steroids
When he shot steroids he would lock the bathroom door and I'd hear him unwrapping needles. That one was a no brainier..
Regarding cocaine he would become euphoric, sexually aggressive, constant nose drips, incessant trips to the bathroom, impulsivity, irritability, sneaky, weird code talk on phone calls, he would also dvt very agitated and abusive when he needed his fix.
We went to Turks & Caicos on vacation and he refused to snorkel so he could find a local to get him blow. He became verbally abusive, sexually forceful, degrading, accusatory and just cruel as hell humiliating me in public. I was on vacation with Satan. We missed our connecting flight and he started banging on the airport windows. Also while we were on the island he said he wanted to come home because he missed his mom (he's 42).
A common theme here is he would say he was going to the store and be gone for 2 hours at a time.
Opiates made him nod off and he had zero sex drive. So he would go from overly sexual on cocaine to complete disinterest on opiates.
He always projected. Called me the liar, said I was abusive, accused me of putting him on the spot when I wanted to address our issues.
He proposed to me in NYC then called off the engagement and disappeared for 6 months. He always abandoned me. Would break up with me every 3 months and go out on drinking sprees for months at a time.
Extreme irritability when withdrawing. Made us cut our New Years trip early and come home from the mountains (we were staying in a cabin with friends). At the time I had no idea what was wrong with him but he was soooo cruel that trip, and also ignored all of us and laid on the bed pouting most of the trip.
Never ever stayed true to his word, always changed his mind, manipulative, judgmental, irritable, accusatory. Then he would cry and beg for me back and I would get the most heartfelt and articulate emails from him with promises of change. Very pathological and unbelievably manipulate.
The latest stint was while we were building a house together he left me and married someone in Vegas.
I could go on and on....
DOC: cocaine, opiates, alcohol, steroids
When he shot steroids he would lock the bathroom door and I'd hear him unwrapping needles. That one was a no brainier..
Regarding cocaine he would become euphoric, sexually aggressive, constant nose drips, incessant trips to the bathroom, impulsivity, irritability, sneaky, weird code talk on phone calls, he would also dvt very agitated and abusive when he needed his fix.
We went to Turks & Caicos on vacation and he refused to snorkel so he could find a local to get him blow. He became verbally abusive, sexually forceful, degrading, accusatory and just cruel as hell humiliating me in public. I was on vacation with Satan. We missed our connecting flight and he started banging on the airport windows. Also while we were on the island he said he wanted to come home because he missed his mom (he's 42).
A common theme here is he would say he was going to the store and be gone for 2 hours at a time.
Opiates made him nod off and he had zero sex drive. So he would go from overly sexual on cocaine to complete disinterest on opiates.
He always projected. Called me the liar, said I was abusive, accused me of putting him on the spot when I wanted to address our issues.
He proposed to me in NYC then called off the engagement and disappeared for 6 months. He always abandoned me. Would break up with me every 3 months and go out on drinking sprees for months at a time.
Extreme irritability when withdrawing. Made us cut our New Years trip early and come home from the mountains (we were staying in a cabin with friends). At the time I had no idea what was wrong with him but he was soooo cruel that trip, and also ignored all of us and laid on the bed pouting most of the trip.
Never ever stayed true to his word, always changed his mind, manipulative, judgmental, irritable, accusatory. Then he would cry and beg for me back and I would get the most heartfelt and articulate emails from him with promises of change. Very pathological and unbelievably manipulate.
The latest stint was while we were building a house together he left me and married someone in Vegas.
I could go on and on....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Stoughton, MA
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by Ap052183
victim mentality about EVERYTHING. Literally it could be raining and the world is out to get him.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 15
I can relate to so many posts here! Crazy how my XAH thinks he is so unique and is fooling everyone, when really he's just like every other addict. Oh wait. That's an addict characteristic!
At the time we were together, I slowly started piecing together that he was struggling with "just" alcohol (as if that's not enough). Looking back, the signs of other substances were so obvious.
The victim mentality, everything is my fault, total refusal to take any responsibility, the half truths and lies of omission. Thinking that repeating the same lies is the same as telling the truth.
Avoiding eye contact, random anger bursts over nothing, red burning eyes for no apparent reason, not eating for a day or more, then eating huge quantities of crap.
He constantly referred to the excessive amount of stress he's under. By stress he meant, controlled substances.
Ahhhh, memories.
At the time we were together, I slowly started piecing together that he was struggling with "just" alcohol (as if that's not enough). Looking back, the signs of other substances were so obvious.
The victim mentality, everything is my fault, total refusal to take any responsibility, the half truths and lies of omission. Thinking that repeating the same lies is the same as telling the truth.
Avoiding eye contact, random anger bursts over nothing, red burning eyes for no apparent reason, not eating for a day or more, then eating huge quantities of crap.
He constantly referred to the excessive amount of stress he's under. By stress he meant, controlled substances.
Ahhhh, memories.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 38
My sister has been on heroin for 5 years. And the symptoms have gotten worse. In the beginning I only noticed a few things (she lived with us for a while) like the shark eyes, they looked like another persons eyes. Nodding off mid conversation or in the middle of eating, hands were swollen, track marks started showing up, and she was gone a lot to go meet with men for money...which she admitted to selling her body to these much older men.
Now.its.terrible.
Last time I saw her she came over for dinner. She's 5'8 and weighs 115, she has an obsession with tweezing imaginary hair on her face so she has sores everywhere, she exaggerates Everything, I can't believe a word she says. I feel like she's just the body of my sister taken over by this terrible force...
Now.its.terrible.
Last time I saw her she came over for dinner. She's 5'8 and weighs 115, she has an obsession with tweezing imaginary hair on her face so she has sores everywhere, she exaggerates Everything, I can't believe a word she says. I feel like she's just the body of my sister taken over by this terrible force...
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