my boyfriend's addiction is killing me
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my boyfriend's addiction is killing me
I have been with him for almost 8 years. At the beginning he was strong, dedicated, determined and focus on striving for a better future. No drugs or alcohol. Two years later he becomes addicted to perks, then in 2013 he becomes addicted to dope. He did detox 3 times and rehab for 3 weeks n walked out on swore he rather die first before going back to dope. Once again he relapse. I am mentally and emotionally drained. I barely sleep, I cry all the time n he only cares about his next fix. Today I told him I couldn't do this anymore an that he couldn't sleep here. I miss him so much. I can't give in. His addiction has me praying and begging God that I don't wake up the next day just to end all this horrible pain. Am I doing the right thing. Is there anything I can do to help him stop forever. Please help.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
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DLT...
Welcome to the Board. Since you're clearly struggling this evening, I'm going to skip the preamble I usually give a newbie and address this question head on:
No. And that is for reasons that, if you stick around and read enough posts, will some become apparent.
Every day, we have women such as yourself who come to us in similarly desperate states. It's incredibly difficult to watch someone we care about self destruct. Oh, we do everything we can to try to reason with them. Sometimes we put up with it. Sometimes we threaten to leave if they don't stop. But most of the time, nothing ever changes and they continue to use, becoming nasty and abusive in the process. So I get where you're at. I totally get it.
The truth is you did the right thing but asking him to leave. Yes, it was hard to do that, but you showed strength, and you showed a healthy amount of self respect, too. That will serve you well in the hours and days to come.
Anyways, more members will be by to greet you. Some of them will be women just like you who've been in your spot. When they pipe up, pay attention to what they tell you, for they've been there. Keep us posted.
And again, Welcome to the Board.
Welcome to the Board. Since you're clearly struggling this evening, I'm going to skip the preamble I usually give a newbie and address this question head on:
Is there anything I can do to help him stop forever
Every day, we have women such as yourself who come to us in similarly desperate states. It's incredibly difficult to watch someone we care about self destruct. Oh, we do everything we can to try to reason with them. Sometimes we put up with it. Sometimes we threaten to leave if they don't stop. But most of the time, nothing ever changes and they continue to use, becoming nasty and abusive in the process. So I get where you're at. I totally get it.
The truth is you did the right thing but asking him to leave. Yes, it was hard to do that, but you showed strength, and you showed a healthy amount of self respect, too. That will serve you well in the hours and days to come.
Anyways, more members will be by to greet you. Some of them will be women just like you who've been in your spot. When they pipe up, pay attention to what they tell you, for they've been there. Keep us posted.
And again, Welcome to the Board.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
you have clearly witnessed that you cannot make him want to save himself.
This is his path. He must want to be clean and work a program.
Addicts truly cannot love anyone else as they cannot love themselves.
Have you ever looked into an alanon, naranon or coda meeting ? You can locate info online. It will help you to see a bit more clearly - and - please read every post that you can plus the stickies at the top of this forum,
You cannot change his choices - but you can start being in charge of your own.
Good luck to you - desperation can happen during the night hours. Stay strong and keep coming back. We have all been where you are.
This is his path. He must want to be clean and work a program.
Addicts truly cannot love anyone else as they cannot love themselves.
Have you ever looked into an alanon, naranon or coda meeting ? You can locate info online. It will help you to see a bit more clearly - and - please read every post that you can plus the stickies at the top of this forum,
You cannot change his choices - but you can start being in charge of your own.
Good luck to you - desperation can happen during the night hours. Stay strong and keep coming back. We have all been where you are.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by damienlovestio 
I have been with him for almost 8 years. At the beginning he was strong, dedicated, determined and focus on striving for a better future. No drugs or alcohol. Two years later he becomes addicted to perks, then in 2013 he becomes addicted to dope. He did detox 3 times and rehab for 3 weeks n walked out on swore he rather die first before going back to dope. Once again he relapse. I am mentally and emotionally drained. I barely sleep, I cry all the time n he only cares about his next fix. Today I told him I couldn't do this anymore an that he couldn't sleep here. I miss him so much. I can't give in. His addiction has me praying and begging God that I don't wake up the next day just to end all this horrible pain. Am I doing the right thing. Is there anything I can do to help him stop forever. Please help.
I can tell you that "nothing changes if nothing changes" .... It is devastating to turn them away not knowing if it's right or wrong but my countless forgiveness has only fueled his addiction.
I am still learning myself and I have no idea where I'll be next week emotionally but for now I am taking it one day at a time: but remember ... Nothing changes if nothing changes
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by damienlovestio
I have been with him for almost 8 years. At the beginning he was strong, dedicated, determined and focus on striving for a better future. No drugs or alcohol. Two years later he becomes addicted to perks, then in 2013 he becomes addicted to dope. He did detox 3 times and rehab for 3 weeks n walked out on swore he rather die first before going back to dope. Once again he relapse. I am mentally and emotionally drained. I barely sleep, I cry all the time n he only cares about his next fix. Today I told him I couldn't do this anymore an that he couldn't sleep here. I miss him so much. I can't give in. His addiction has me praying and begging God that I don't wake up the next day just to end all this horrible pain. Am I doing the right thing. Is there anything I can do to help him stop forever. Please help.
I did EVERYTHING, sacrificed EVERYTHING, I am now broke, depressed, misarable, bad mom, feel like a total loser, mine just since December did 2 detoxes, 2 VERY expansive rehabs, IOP twice and PHP once. Had doctors, sponsors, AA/NA (which he really just did for a show). He did suboxone maint with no luck (because he abused it of course) and now got Vivitrol shot. AH now does benzos and coke/crack because Vivitrol doesn't block that. NOTHING is working because AH doesn't want to stop. He puts no action into recovery. He still wants to 'sometimes' get high. Sometimes always ends up many times until he almost dies. I meet people in recovery with alot of years. They are different. They act different, they do different things, they are in recovery every single day. AH is there for show.
For myself the only option is to get off this crazy train, remove me and my kids and let the cards fall where they are for him. Easily said, hard to do when they live with you, manipulate, scare you, mentally and emotionally abuse you, threaten you and don't freaking leave. I see so many stories here, stories where people found peace. It seems that getting out was how they did it
Or learn how do live with it so that you are detached and not affected by this. I tried detaching and no way this is working for me. I cannot detach when he is living here in the house.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 54
You have to let the cards fall where they may.
trying to stop the downfall/pick up the pieces will destroy you. and he... will keep on living just like he is. it breeds anger, resentment & a whole lot of other things that take a whole lot of time to hurdle- much as this relationship will already.
I'm very sorry for the chaos and the turmoil you've got going on right now. so many of us have been there. the light at the end of the tunnel, for me, at least - was very very dim for a very long time.
im coming up on a year of not living with my heroin/opiate addicted husband and the light is much brighter. i hope you make the best decision for YOU.
sometimes its let go, or be dragged.
trying to stop the downfall/pick up the pieces will destroy you. and he... will keep on living just like he is. it breeds anger, resentment & a whole lot of other things that take a whole lot of time to hurdle- much as this relationship will already.
I'm very sorry for the chaos and the turmoil you've got going on right now. so many of us have been there. the light at the end of the tunnel, for me, at least - was very very dim for a very long time.
im coming up on a year of not living with my heroin/opiate addicted husband and the light is much brighter. i hope you make the best decision for YOU.
sometimes its let go, or be dragged.
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