alterity

Praying he is sane enough to get it, that he needs to get out of there and go to a place that can properly evaluate and treat....praying, praying, praying

alterity

Well, thank god. He's finally accepting the fact that he needs help. Transfer requested, now it's just a matter of getting it to happen.

MyJoey

Awe it sounds good. If he's not working I'm sure he can get on welfare to cover the medical bills. Hope he gets the help he needs and remembers how much you have done for him. I am so glad you were able to sleep, I was thinking about you.

vaya

Alterity, I understand your struggle. My AS, addicted to heroin, has had a history of special needs and issues growing up.Really turned a corner when he reached adolescence and was given vicodin for a compound fractured arm requiring plates and surgery. I have been tough with him, detached, wouldn't let him live with me, and more and then relapsed and let him stay with me, even recently, after he caused me to get evicted from my last place. My own struggle with his mental health issues and special needs do work on me, but despite all of that and the mistakes I've made, even as of late, I know I am not responsible for his drug use. We all face trauma, hardships, struggle with various special needs and other issues, but at some point one does make a conscious choice to use drugs and to continue using. My AS has been to jail, numerous rehabs, homeless, and more and still uses the same excuses for using. Addiction is a disease in an of itself. yes, one does need to consider the concomitant and causal factors, but there are other choices. I have given my son countless support and worked with him when he was doing better and staying clean, but it always comes to the same thing. What I have learned is that I cannot control or cure it and I didnt' cause it. Trying to control his outcomes always backfires. I believe he does need regular therapy to work through issues. However, the issue of his addiction is his to work on, if he wants to. WE cannot control others, only ourselves. It is important for you to consider others' words to take care of yourself. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you find support and the experiences of others to be helpful to you especially during this time.

Anaya

alterity - praying he accepts help and seeks a safe path and also that you can find peace.

My heart goes out to those who suffer with the challenges of mental illness and those who walk with them and support them.

alterity

vaya, I totally get what you are saying but when a hospital has been negligent and has breached its duty of care, this is a whole different ball game.

alterity

Still don't know what is next:
- the local shelter is full with a two month waiting list
- Drug Court keeps saying its hands are tied, despite what it says in the state manual about the team having total discretion on what treatment the team can impose
- my father would have to pay $14K up front for the first month of inpatient if he went the private route (though I warn him against doing this if B isn't sincere about understanding he does need help...and insurance reimbursement is far from guaranteed )
- the shelter in another county would be a disasterous option as its in one of the worst ghettos in the country
- B sounds like he has changed his tune since talking with our Dad on Sunday and signing the transfer request
- the hospital has been uncooperative and in violation of the law by refusing to comply with the request
What a nightmare.

Ilovemysonjj

Oh Alterity... It is so time consuming and draining isn't it? I have read all the posts. If your brother is now diagnosed with dual diagnosis (mental and addiction issues), please ask a social worker or local AA or NA if there are programs that are county funded. It's a start for your dear brother. My son has been in 5 different rehabs, now in Freedom Ranch. This program has been the MOST effective for him and no out of pocket because it is a non profit organization. He is FINALLY working the steps and wants to spend one year in recovery. He doesn't need meds, so I believe your brother may need a program that will also treat the mental part of his behaviors. I am so understanding of your concerns and fears. Sending you love and prayers that a solution is forthcoming.
Hugs
TT

alterity

Thank you for reading!

He should have a dual diagnosis of NVLD and Substance Abuse Disorder but NVLD is not something the average psychiatrist is going to notice or even test for (requires special assessments).

His terms of probation include 3 group therapy sessions and 3 NA or AA meetings per week. He has gone to AA & NA on and off since he turned 18, 8 years ago.

I looked up Freedom Ranch. Looks great but there is no equivalent in NJ unfortunately. He can't go out of state, either.

Everywhere my family turns, we hit an obstacle. I hate to say it, but he has been given so much support over the years and knows the right versus wrong paths. Instead of picking the straight and narrow path while on probation, improving his lot in life, sticking things out and working towards the goal of an independent, clean and sober life, he squandered the opportunities given him and tried to play the system.

As much as his NVLD disability impairs his ability to understand cause-effect, hence learn from mistakes and anticipate consequences, he was sure to know that he wouldn't be able to get away with this (doing drugs undetectable by the tox screens) for too long. This set him into this downward spiral and there is very little to nothing we can do to pull him out of it.

alterity

Well, apparently the attorney has received word from probation/prosecutor (not sure whom exactly) that they will recommend to the judge at the next status hearing (this coming week?) an imposed inpatient program pending drug court team review. Basically, "they will make him go to a program, regardless of location, that they decide is necessary." However, it seems that he still has no clue what the consequences would be if the system was not forcing him to receive treatment. He must have been just saying he understands he needs help in the hopes of getting out of the particular hospital he is in (that terrible place) and staying out of jail, because now he's resisting all efforts to keep him in a restrictive environment. He's out of his mind to think that being homeless is a better alternative. *sigh*

Ilovemysonjj

Has he ever been homeless? JJ was "out" for over 5 months and it brought a whole new light to his choices. I pray my son is never homeless again, but what good that came out was his understanding of that lifestyle and choice that recovery was a WAY better deal than being homeless.

alterity

No, he's never been literally homeless. The last time he was kicked out of the place he was living (our dad's & dad's wife's condo) our dad put him up in a hotel. Within a few days, he got involved with drug dealers and was arrested. I don't think he's going to learn any lesson from being homeless, if it comes to that. I sure do hope I am wrong, though.

alterity

Email I just sent to dad, B's mother, and C:

I guess he got out yesterday and is with C. Fingers crossed that he can keep himself away from all stimulants to prevent relapse.

I need a break from all this, as the addictiveness of ---------- (let's just say it's been said to be 10x more addictive than cocaine) has me still extremely worried. But I do pray everything works out OK. Thank you, C.

hopeful4

Oh sweetie, you sound worn out. I am praying for all of you. I do hope you get a much deserved and needed break!

Many tight hugs! XXX

alterity

Thank you so much, hopeful4. I sent another quick email to C telling her that I need to detach for now. It's just too much to worry about the next crisis, because the cycle seems endless. I really do need to take care of myself right now as I have done all I could possibly do.

hopeful4

This is a very very healthy statement my friend! Very proud of you!

alterity

Got a call this morning from my sister telling me that he has been hospitalized AGAIN. I don't know any of the details except this happened in [the ghetto city] so within a week of being discharged the third time from [the hospital that has been violating EMTALA and other laws] he found a way to get to the place of scoring [the really really bad synthetic drug that screens don't detect].

Sister wanted me to fax his records to the psych hospital that the [ghetto city] ER has transferred him to. Just did that. I also forwarded them to the Drug Court because they don't have this comprehensive history. It's about time they got the info as it makes a case for them imposing rehab.

*sigh*

hopeful4

(((alterity)))

Praying this will be the time that triggers this to change.

alterity

I need to edit my post b/c I wrote that without certain information. He did go to the [ghetto city] but apparently that is where the Drug Court team mandated he go four times/week for therapy. I don't know what happened there to get him sent again to a hospital b/c I have told my family that I can only really just help with forwarding records and that kind of thing. I get waaaaaayyyy too emotionally worked up.

Yes, hopeful, I am hoping that this is what finally gets it into the heads of his Drug Court team that he must have inpatient care whatever form that may take. Thank you for your posts!

alterity

Hospital was going to release him today (to where, to whom, to the streets?) because of insurance issues but I stepped in and called the social worker and told her that releasing an unstabilized patient violates EMTALA and that, if anything, they can transfer B to another acute care facility. This got her to get at least one more night there "approved." She is working on referrals, and is amazingly responsive compared to any of the team members at the other god awful (lobotomizing, ECT using) hospital, but we are still all on edge. I cannot wait for this crisis to end. It has to. This is unsustainable.