Scared to death,
 

Well here goes, where the hell do I begin, I have two sons , both heroine addicts, my eldest 31, as been clean for upto about 9 months, due to the fact that him and his partner would loose there baby, ( my baby) if not ,they got her back in Feb after 8 months of her living with me, she as been my life line getting me through loosing my husband last March, but the tell tell signs are back and everything seems to be going wrong again, they have a supervision order in place , so I am expecting the baby to be took off them for good this time, she deserves so much better than this life, I feel so so guilty as I don't think I am strong enough to take her on, I am 53, but feel 93, I,m just so tired of it all, drugs have been in our lives now for 16 years, and totally ruined it, don't know where to turn or what to do, just wish it was me that had died

MTMT...

Welcome to the Board. I'm really sorry that you're going through this, but I'm also thankful that you've found us and took the step to post. You're not alone. Far from it, in fact.

Heroin never lets go without a long, difficult struggle. Sometimes it doesn't let go at all. If your son has indeed picked up again, a baby cannot be in the picture. So your son would have to pay the price for his decisions. You can't save him from that. Nor should you. All you can do is protect yourself, and protect your granddaughter.

We have a lot of women here who've been through varying degrees of hell with their addicted children. They will pipe up shortly. When they do, pay close attention, for their words and the experiences those words reflect are invaluable.

It's time that you take care of you, and whatever is meant to happen regarding your son will happen on it's own. We're here for you. And again, Welcome to the Board.