When does this get easier?
 

It's been one month since I've had contact with Ex. I want the pining and the missing to stop already. I feel like I've got two people in my head and it's making me crazy. I've got logical me, who can repeat everything I've read on here verbatim, I don't miss the circus, I don't miss the insane worrying and down right obsession that was going on wondering what he was up to, wondering if it was drugs. Then I have the person who misses him and wants him back, just minus the drugs and then the logical voice comes in and pipes up.

I'm doing everything I should be, including things that took a back burner to the circus I was in. I'm also focusing on things I want to accomplish including looking into get my bachelors and working on getting my certified emergency room nurse cert. I've hung out with new people, coworkers, friends, I even went out on a date(just to get my feet wet-not looking for anything at all at this point)

I just want it to stop. I miss him. Not the drugs. But all the good times. Which were like maybe once a month towards the end.

K that's it. Please tell me this gets easier.
Thank you all again for all your stories, triumphs, and downfalls.

Believe me when I say that I know the feeling.

I broke up with my ex fiancé about a month ago because she was an alcoholic, a drug addict, a cheater, and verbally abusive. As much as she hurt me, and even though she basically destroyed our relationship, I still miss her a lot, and I find myself wanting to go back. It's not as bad as it was, but it's getting better.

What helped me was writing out what I called an "angry letter." I already wrote her a letter explaining why I left, and I told her that I won't even talk to her until she's been in recovery, sober, and seeing a counselor for at least 90 days. In my "angry letter" I wrote out the deepest wounds that she gave me due to the drinking and the drugs. I wrote out how that behavior made me feel, and I voiced how angry that it made me that she did that. Whenever I find myself missing her, thinking about how much I loved her, and wishing that I could fix things, I read that letter to remind myself of how deeply she wounded me. When the thoughts of messaging her come, I remember how much she hurt me, and I remind myself that if I take her back, then I am asking her to hurt me again, possibly worse.

I've found myself missing her less and less after doing that.

I've also tried to shift my focus from the hurt from the past, and now I'm just working on a five year plan for my future. One that is much happier now that I don't have her causing chaos in my life.

It's been almost a year since my R[?]XBF dumped me before heading off to jail and rehab. I didn't "get" it until around Christmas, when he got himself a new gf. He had been giving me mixed signals during that interim that he still was in love with me, but he needed to work on himself before getting back into a relationship.

I'm still where you are, and I reset my clock to December, so I'm five months out. I have an appointment with a counselor this Friday to deal. I miss him, I love him, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm lonely, and I'm preoccupied. I want to get my head on right and just be OK.

Hi Nowiama,

I know how you feel. sometimes I am fine however at least once a day the 'piney', I miss him feelings get really strong.

I don't know.

It's weird.

It is getting better. However it bugs me too. Logically there is no reason for me to feel this way EVER or any logical reason to pine for him. And I don't really want him back.

I just miss the good times of us, and the dream of the future we had planned together.

Other than that he is not even the same man to me.

I think we have to crowd out the pining with really good stuff. However allow the sad feelings to come up through us and pass away also.

It does get easier, but it will only get "easier" if you allow yourself to feel what you feel when you feel it.

And, you MUST find ways to engage your brain & heart in other pursuits.

You will feel lonely for the person you fell in love with, but you are not alone.

Let yourself feel what you feel as it comes. Just don't let it take things over. Leave the house. Eat things that are tasty. Even if it's just going to get gas & groceries when you feel more like sitting around crying, that tiny sense of having gotten something done will help move you toward healing.

Hugs.

That depends.

In my case, when my AXGF "left the building" for the last time, I was beyond done. Once the sting of her betrayal wore off, I got back on my feet relatively quick.

That said, my case isn't the norm. If you still have strong feelings for someone, those typically don't fade away even when they've hurt you. But what will happen, in time, is you'll look at him through a different set of eyes. Your brain will be able to process both the good and the bad about him. And what's bad -- the drugs and all the drama/chaos/carnage/insanity that comes with it -- will have enough weight and meaning to prevent you from allowing him back in the picture.

Doesn't mean you don't care about him. What it does mean is you've been there, done that, and you're not going to do it again.

Be patient. Keep doing the things you're doing. And, yes, eat something tasty... :)

I just want it to stop. I miss him. Not the drugs. But all the good times. Which were like maybe once a month towards the end.


it's the intermittent chicken syndrome....we deal with all their crap and now and then they act NORMAL and treat us decently. we learn to live on those crumbs....as if the day they don't call us a worthless b*tch really has meaning.

just give it time. decide you are DONE, there is no going back. much like an addict that chooses recovery for real and says NO MORE.