first time in rehab
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 3
first time in rehab
hi everyone, i’ve been reading on here for some time now and it really is crazy how alike our experiences and stories are. you guys sound like you have a lot of wisdom and insight and i could use some advice and encouragement right now. sorry in advance for the long post!
i’ve been on and off with my boyfriend for 3 years now. he’s addicted to oxycodone and i recently discovered that heroin has also been in the mix. i know that a lot of times pills lead to heroin but i just didn’t want to believe that he would do it. when i told him i’m scared that he will start shooting it one day he got really offended. my reply was…well did you ever think you’d be addicted to opiates in the first place? exactly…
my hopes for us haven’t been very high these days—my trust has been broken and i just don’t know if/when it can be repaired. our relationship is full of resentment and negativity (on my half) because we’ve been through this cycle for so long. i’m very honest about how i feel and he agrees with what i say for the most part. we want the same things out of a relationship and life, and we do have a real chemistry and attraction, but i’m always on the edge of my seat fearing another lie or relapse. he’s depressed a lot over this, isolates himself, or doesn’t have money, which effects both of us. we have nice days when we try to “live in the moment” and not dwell on this all, but those days are far and few between because i can't let it go. we’ve been back and forth for awhile now but my concerns basically stay the same. and the more research and reading i do the more scared i feel about this all.
according to him he's been clean for 6 months. he recently told me that he replased and is going to rehab. this is the first time he ever admitted it (i always caught him in the lies by playing detective, which i've stopped doing). i’m wondering if because he confessed and is seeking treatment, if i should start putting more faith in him and consider taking a different approach when he gets out. like be more supportive or have more faith we can make it work. because this is the first big step he has taken. he’s been seeing a therapist for awhile now and also told his parents about the addiction (which are good steps) but in my eyes this was a more important step he’s been needing to do for awhile now.
i just know that opiates are so addicting and many people relapse. i want this to work but the logical side of me makes it hard to trust and be hopeful. i hate this feeling of having my guard up and just wish i could feel comfortable letting it down.
does anyone know what the likelihood is of relapse after rehab? i know it depends on a lot of factors. another problem is that his brother has an addiction, so it will be easy for him to get it if he’s ever craving. i know that there are success stories but how often do these happen? we're both 26 and want to be in a relationship that's going somewhere. don’t know what i’m looking for…just needed to vent i guess and any advice appreciated…tough love and kind words both good in my book!
i’ve been on and off with my boyfriend for 3 years now. he’s addicted to oxycodone and i recently discovered that heroin has also been in the mix. i know that a lot of times pills lead to heroin but i just didn’t want to believe that he would do it. when i told him i’m scared that he will start shooting it one day he got really offended. my reply was…well did you ever think you’d be addicted to opiates in the first place? exactly…
my hopes for us haven’t been very high these days—my trust has been broken and i just don’t know if/when it can be repaired. our relationship is full of resentment and negativity (on my half) because we’ve been through this cycle for so long. i’m very honest about how i feel and he agrees with what i say for the most part. we want the same things out of a relationship and life, and we do have a real chemistry and attraction, but i’m always on the edge of my seat fearing another lie or relapse. he’s depressed a lot over this, isolates himself, or doesn’t have money, which effects both of us. we have nice days when we try to “live in the moment” and not dwell on this all, but those days are far and few between because i can't let it go. we’ve been back and forth for awhile now but my concerns basically stay the same. and the more research and reading i do the more scared i feel about this all.
according to him he's been clean for 6 months. he recently told me that he replased and is going to rehab. this is the first time he ever admitted it (i always caught him in the lies by playing detective, which i've stopped doing). i’m wondering if because he confessed and is seeking treatment, if i should start putting more faith in him and consider taking a different approach when he gets out. like be more supportive or have more faith we can make it work. because this is the first big step he has taken. he’s been seeing a therapist for awhile now and also told his parents about the addiction (which are good steps) but in my eyes this was a more important step he’s been needing to do for awhile now.
i just know that opiates are so addicting and many people relapse. i want this to work but the logical side of me makes it hard to trust and be hopeful. i hate this feeling of having my guard up and just wish i could feel comfortable letting it down.
does anyone know what the likelihood is of relapse after rehab? i know it depends on a lot of factors. another problem is that his brother has an addiction, so it will be easy for him to get it if he’s ever craving. i know that there are success stories but how often do these happen? we're both 26 and want to be in a relationship that's going somewhere. don’t know what i’m looking for…just needed to vent i guess and any advice appreciated…tough love and kind words both good in my book!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Ginger...
Welcome to the Board. I'm grateful you took the leap by posting what's been going on with you, and my hope is by taking that step, you'll absorb the collective experience that our corner of SR possesses.
Other members will be by to greet you over the next several hours. But as is my wont when greeting new members, I'd like to share with you my thoughts.
Opiate addiction, to be blunt, is a motherf--ker. And the reason is the brain all too well remembers what it's like to be under the influence of them. What's that like for the addict? Well, it's bliss. They don't feel a thing. Nothing matters. Whatever emotional pain or distress they felt prior to using disappears via chemically induced euphoria. And even after the addict detoxes, his brain will egg him on as soon as he's feeling things he doesn't want to feel. His brain's going, What to feel better? You know how to. And boom; he picks up, and he's off again.
That's the why. But ultimately, this cycle is independent of you.
You have some very uncomfortable decisions at your doorstep. And when you make them, you need to make them based on what you know to be true. What you know to be true is, sadly, your ABF is not to be trusted. There's no reason why you should trust him. What this means for you, I don't know. But addicts do not make good long term romantic partners because they don't have anything to give. All they care about is satisfying their own needs.
Anyways, enough. If you've been lurking, you have likely read some variant of what I've written above. So what I encourage you to do is open your mind. See what posts resonate with you. Think about what's in your best interests. And then you can make those tough calls from a position of strength.
Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.
Welcome to the Board. I'm grateful you took the leap by posting what's been going on with you, and my hope is by taking that step, you'll absorb the collective experience that our corner of SR possesses.
Other members will be by to greet you over the next several hours. But as is my wont when greeting new members, I'd like to share with you my thoughts.
Opiate addiction, to be blunt, is a motherf--ker. And the reason is the brain all too well remembers what it's like to be under the influence of them. What's that like for the addict? Well, it's bliss. They don't feel a thing. Nothing matters. Whatever emotional pain or distress they felt prior to using disappears via chemically induced euphoria. And even after the addict detoxes, his brain will egg him on as soon as he's feeling things he doesn't want to feel. His brain's going, What to feel better? You know how to. And boom; he picks up, and he's off again.
That's the why. But ultimately, this cycle is independent of you.
You have some very uncomfortable decisions at your doorstep. And when you make them, you need to make them based on what you know to be true. What you know to be true is, sadly, your ABF is not to be trusted. There's no reason why you should trust him. What this means for you, I don't know. But addicts do not make good long term romantic partners because they don't have anything to give. All they care about is satisfying their own needs.
Anyways, enough. If you've been lurking, you have likely read some variant of what I've written above. So what I encourage you to do is open your mind. See what posts resonate with you. Think about what's in your best interests. And then you can make those tough calls from a position of strength.
Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by ginger0321 
hi everyone, i’ve been reading on here for some time now and it really is crazy how alike our experiences and stories are. you guys sound like you have a lot of wisdom and insight and i could use some advice and encouragement right now. sorry in advance for the long post!
i’ve been on and off with my boyfriend for 3 years now. he’s addicted to oxycodone and i recently discovered that heroin has also been in the mix. i know that a lot of times pills lead to heroin but i just didn’t want to believe that he would do it. when i told him i’m scared that he will start shooting it one day he got really offended. my reply was…well did you ever think you’d be addicted to opiates in the first place? exactly…
my hopes for us haven’t been very high these days—my trust has been broken and i just don’t know if/when it can be repaired. our relationship is full of resentment and negativity (on my half) because we’ve been through this cycle for so long. i’m very honest about how i feel and he agrees with what i say for the most part. we want the same things out of a relationship and life, and we do have a real chemistry and attraction, but i’m always on the edge of my seat fearing another lie or relapse. he’s depressed a lot over this, isolates himself, or doesn’t have money, which effects both of us. we have nice days when we try to “live in the moment” and not dwell on this all, but those days are far and few between because i can't let it go. we’ve been back and forth for awhile now but my concerns basically stay the same. and the more research and reading i do the more scared i feel about this all.
according to him he's been clean for 6 months. he recently told me that he replased and is going to rehab. this is the first time he ever admitted it (i always caught him in the lies by playing detective, which i've stopped doing). i’m wondering if because he confessed and is seeking treatment, if i should start putting more faith in him and consider taking a different approach when he gets out. like be more supportive or have more faith we can make it work. because this is the first big step he has taken. he’s been seeing a therapist for awhile now and also told his parents about the addiction (which are good steps) but in my eyes this was a more important step he’s been needing to do for awhile now.
i just know that opiates are so addicting and many people relapse. i want this to work but the logical side of me makes it hard to trust and be hopeful. i hate this feeling of having my guard up and just wish i could feel comfortable letting it down.
does anyone know what the likelihood is of relapse after rehab? i know it depends on a lot of factors. another problem is that his brother has an addiction, so it will be easy for him to get it if he’s ever craving. i know that there are success stories but how often do these happen? we're both 26 and want to be in a relationship that's going somewhere. don’t know what i’m looking for…just needed to vent i guess and any advice appreciated…tough love and kind words both good in my book!
i’ve been on and off with my boyfriend for 3 years now. he’s addicted to oxycodone and i recently discovered that heroin has also been in the mix. i know that a lot of times pills lead to heroin but i just didn’t want to believe that he would do it. when i told him i’m scared that he will start shooting it one day he got really offended. my reply was…well did you ever think you’d be addicted to opiates in the first place? exactly…
my hopes for us haven’t been very high these days—my trust has been broken and i just don’t know if/when it can be repaired. our relationship is full of resentment and negativity (on my half) because we’ve been through this cycle for so long. i’m very honest about how i feel and he agrees with what i say for the most part. we want the same things out of a relationship and life, and we do have a real chemistry and attraction, but i’m always on the edge of my seat fearing another lie or relapse. he’s depressed a lot over this, isolates himself, or doesn’t have money, which effects both of us. we have nice days when we try to “live in the moment” and not dwell on this all, but those days are far and few between because i can't let it go. we’ve been back and forth for awhile now but my concerns basically stay the same. and the more research and reading i do the more scared i feel about this all.
according to him he's been clean for 6 months. he recently told me that he replased and is going to rehab. this is the first time he ever admitted it (i always caught him in the lies by playing detective, which i've stopped doing). i’m wondering if because he confessed and is seeking treatment, if i should start putting more faith in him and consider taking a different approach when he gets out. like be more supportive or have more faith we can make it work. because this is the first big step he has taken. he’s been seeing a therapist for awhile now and also told his parents about the addiction (which are good steps) but in my eyes this was a more important step he’s been needing to do for awhile now.
i just know that opiates are so addicting and many people relapse. i want this to work but the logical side of me makes it hard to trust and be hopeful. i hate this feeling of having my guard up and just wish i could feel comfortable letting it down.
does anyone know what the likelihood is of relapse after rehab? i know it depends on a lot of factors. another problem is that his brother has an addiction, so it will be easy for him to get it if he’s ever craving. i know that there are success stories but how often do these happen? we're both 26 and want to be in a relationship that's going somewhere. don’t know what i’m looking for…just needed to vent i guess and any advice appreciated…tough love and kind words both good in my book!
Relapse does not mean failure.. it just means more treatment is needed. My husband was also addicted to prescription pain meds (opiates), along with xanax which is a benzo... he stopped 3 years ago & hasn't relapsed. He went to a rehab that was based on evidence based individualized therapeutic and behavioral approaches. and when he left there he followed up with private therapy for about a year.. no group support meetings for him or anything else.. we consider him to be recovered. He will however always be more susceptible to becoming addicted again because of the biological factors of addiction. This is where cognitive behavioral therapies and such come into play, stress management, getting to root cause of addiction which has helped put him in a mentally strong place.
I always refer family members to read over at the site for the National Institute of Drug Abuse. They have the latest information on addiction, have protocols for treatment, and also offer an idea of how relapse fits into the equation, and its much like other chronic illness such as hypertension, or diabetes treatment.
Here is a link to the part on relapse...
Treatment and Recovery | National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA)
Its hard to regain trust.. when my husband went into treatment, our son was just an infant.. I was afraid of how things would go; we did marriage counseling at the urging of his rehab. It was part of his actual treatment because they wanted him to come home to an environment where we had already worked out many of our issues and had a good map of what we each expected for the future. It went well for us...
Your in a different position because you are not yet married; but I think that many of the same issues apply because you have been together 3 years ... I would consider couples counseling after he stabilizes. (we started when my husband was about 6 weeks into rehab). I also did private therapy for myself which was helpful to work out my feelings.
I think to be honest some people cant live with the fear of relapse, but others can without so much distress. Its a very individual decision & no one can tell you how to deal with it. I think relationships require trust and mutual respect in order for it to be fulfilling for each person.
My therapist suggested I learn the Community Reinforcement and Family Training Approach for myself & to help support my husband during his initial recovery phase. Its also known as CRAFT. You can google this and there are several books available, and its also used over at Smart Recovery. They offer free resources for friends and Family and you might want to check them out too.
I hope things go well for both of you. I think what your feeling is normal, and its good to be questioning these things now. I feel like it shows you have your eyes are wide open and you are looking for answers and wanting to explore your feelings.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 54
I came here for the first time when my now exhusband went to rehab for the first time. We were married for 2 years, together for 4 when his secrets all toppled over and the wheels came off.
I was in shock, he came home one day and said he needed to go to rehab because he couldn't stop taking pain pills on his own. So he did - 30 days. Not enough. 2 weeks later, I found a prescription for oxycodone in his truck.
Going off the rails the 2nd time was way worse than the first, I guess because I was completely aware of what was happening and there was no "reasoning" the weird/crazy things away. I left & he turned to heroin almost immediately. He's inpatient again for 90 days. His counselor said to me on the phone -- "This will be lifelong and no one can promise he'll stay clean. he's clean today but all his tomorrows are up to him. But YOUR tomorrows are up to you."
Just something to think about lots of hugs. I know it sucks.
I was in shock, he came home one day and said he needed to go to rehab because he couldn't stop taking pain pills on his own. So he did - 30 days. Not enough. 2 weeks later, I found a prescription for oxycodone in his truck.
Going off the rails the 2nd time was way worse than the first, I guess because I was completely aware of what was happening and there was no "reasoning" the weird/crazy things away. I left & he turned to heroin almost immediately. He's inpatient again for 90 days. His counselor said to me on the phone -- "This will be lifelong and no one can promise he'll stay clean. he's clean today but all his tomorrows are up to him. But YOUR tomorrows are up to you."
Just something to think about
lots of hugs. I know it sucks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Trust your instincts! Not what your heart thinks it wants.
Stick with the “facts” of what you know to be true. Learn as much as you can about addiction especially opiate addiction so you can make an informed non-emotional decision about your future.
Addiction is life long and not something a trip to rehab can “cure”. For the rest of his life he will always be one bad decision away from relapse. Opiate addiction is one of the hardest of all addiction to overcome.
Has he even gone to rehab yet or is he just in the “talking” about it stage?
Stick with the “facts” of what you know to be true. Learn as much as you can about addiction especially opiate addiction so you can make an informed non-emotional decision about your future.
Addiction is life long and not something a trip to rehab can “cure”. For the rest of his life he will always be one bad decision away from relapse. Opiate addiction is one of the hardest of all addiction to overcome.
Has he even gone to rehab yet or is he just in the “talking” about it stage?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 3
thanks everyone. yes he’s been in rehab for a week now. he told me he was going, immediately did all the paperwork and insurance stuff, and about 2 weeks later he was there. i’ve done a lot of reading up on this so i’m aware of the cold hard facts. despite all the logic and hurt, i’m just wondering if now would really be the best time to make the complete break since he’s making a big step that we’ve been been waiting for for awhile. a part of me is wondering, if he can stay clean for 6 months on his own (if that’s the truth), then maybe rehab and will give him a much better chance of staying clean for a long time.
i keep flip flopping with it all. i’ve been through this all for awhile now with him, so if we were to end it now i’ll be wondering what things will be like after rehab. i know statistics say a relapse is common, but maybe there's a chance he can push through it and be one of those success stories. but then again, i also think about when he does come out, he’s going to go back living next door to his brother and his girlfriend, both of whom do pills too. so even if he does come out strong with a different mindset, i’m sure it will be hard to fight the urge to get them when it’s so accessible.
it’s so hard switching between my head and my heart all the time! it’s definitely not healthy and a dangerous cycle, and based on what i’ve read here it seems like a lot of people go through that too. it’s like you question yourself and get all the facts and muster up some courage to make a change, but then your heart and wishful thinking takes over.
i keep flip flopping with it all. i’ve been through this all for awhile now with him, so if we were to end it now i’ll be wondering what things will be like after rehab. i know statistics say a relapse is common, but maybe there's a chance he can push through it and be one of those success stories. but then again, i also think about when he does come out, he’s going to go back living next door to his brother and his girlfriend, both of whom do pills too. so even if he does come out strong with a different mindset, i’m sure it will be hard to fight the urge to get them when it’s so accessible.
it’s so hard switching between my head and my heart all the time! it’s definitely not healthy and a dangerous cycle, and based on what i’ve read here it seems like a lot of people go through that too. it’s like you question yourself and get all the facts and muster up some courage to make a change, but then your heart and wishful thinking takes over.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Now is probably the best time ever for you to seek some recovery of your own. Maybe therapy or counseling to help you sort out your future life with an addict. Figure out reality vs fantasy and expectations.
Let him focus on his recovery, you focus on yours and no need to decide today or tomorrow your whole future with or without this guy.
In time – more will be revealed for the both of you.
Let him focus on his recovery, you focus on yours and no need to decide today or tomorrow your whole future with or without this guy.
In time – more will be revealed for the both of you.
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