MissUs2015

I didn't do Mother's Day for my mom. Bridge traffic made it inconvenient. Oh well.

I didn't do it for alo mom either. I'm really angry that she jumped right in to get her 50 yo meth addict housed with one of her friends in the "right" neigborhood.. That i 9th stepped Her ifo her whole fam and now she sees it as a weakness.

I hate her. She is holding on to a middle age man and he to her in a incestous way. I have no power over it and told alo he would have to go. Yesterday. I'm still really angry. Would love esh .

chicory

I am sorry you are having some intense anger... perhaps taking your eyes off of others craziness would help you to achieve peace. We cannot change anyone else, and its a waste of good energy hating others, imho. When I feel that intensity of dislike, I have to back off for my own sake, my own peace of mind is too precious to me.

I am sorry , but I don't really understand your post well enough to be sure I am addressing it properly. Is alo mom your AH's mom? or do you have an ah?

hope today is a better day.

Ann

You hit the nail on the head when you said you had no power over her....but yet, you are allowing her to have power over you by holding on to resentments...said with love in my heart because I am the worst offender and doing just that.

They say that holding resentments are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die...we harm ourselves more than anyone else and it will poison us if we let it.

This place, SR, is a great place to "get out" the frustrations, and I am so glad you did that here. The healing begins as soon as you take the antidote for resentments...forgiveness.

Hope you find peace soon, your life is worth so much better than anger at others, no matter how stupid they are.

Hugs

Destroyed

I would love to have anything but contempt for my soon to be ex-wife, but I can say honestly I am not ready to forgive. I know I am holding back my own recovery and that is something I have to eventually let go. I am disgusted that the person I wanted to share hopes and dreams with turned her back on me for drugs. She has lied, cheated, and stole from me and I will hold a lot of resentment for a long time. Don't worry I would never hurt her but now I am focusing on myself and letting her do her own thing.

I am powerless over the addiction and I know that she has to be the one to stop. I have begged and cried for her to get help, even told her, "you can have drugs or your marriage but not both". I paid for rehab, offered to go to meetings with her, went to ALANON meetings on my own, saw my own therapist, but I made no headway. Over the past few mouth I have SLOWLY started to detach myself from the situation, this is mainly because we have not even spoken to each other.

The people on the forum are right that you must forgive to move on and I pray for that day to come for me. Unfortunately, I am just not ready.

JOIE12

It's ok to not be ready. Healing comes at each person's own need. I'm not sure what forgiveness is anyways. It's like defining 'love'. So I choose to use the word 'resentment' as it seems to be the real issue when I am dealing with something. No one can rush this. Sure, we all hear that it isn't healthy but how would we know what emotional freedom feels like if we have not suffered the pain of disappointment ?

Make your decisions based upon what is good for you and stop worrying about that other person. It's easier said than done but eventually it is the goal. Codependency makes us 'ill',