My dry drunk just broke up with me. Need an advice
 

Hey! I'm new to this forum. I was in great relationship with a man who is clean for 5 years after abusing for 15. He also grew up in a very distinctional family and was badly traumatized during his childhood. He was seeing therapist. He also has a problem expressing his feelings in a romantic relationship. And I never pushed him for that. We never talk about our feelings toward each other.But... Things were great. I'm deeply in love with him. I never abuse anything so we were in a "sober relationship" if i can can call it so. Couple of days ago he broke up with me over the phone. His reason was his long trip what he was planning a while ago. But I don't think it's a dealbraker. He didn't give me any chance to sit with him and talk about. I would wait for him to come back. I don't wanna be with anyone else. He said he had feelings/connection/attractions/chemistry and etc to me but he is not in love? I was pretty surprised and killed. Now I don't know what to do. He was the one who started our relationship and also the one who ended. Do I respect his decision? No. Not at all. You can't dump people like that. Before a break up we had some minor problem and surprisingly he got so angry and didn't want to talk to me. It happened once. Never happened before. Right now I'm so heart broken but also I have no idea how to understand his psychology. And what to do. I really want him back! He really blindsided me with broke up. Any advise? Please. Thank you!

Kristen...

Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for what has brought you here, but I'm happy that you've found us. Others will be by to greet you in due course, but until they do, I'd like to share my thoughts with you.

People break up this way all the time, Kristen. Yes, it stings. Yes, it doesn't make sense...to you. But when I read how you describe him, he does not sound like he's capable of being a committed, responsible partner in a romantic relationship. It is also possible that your feelings for him are stronger than his feelings are for you. Which sucks.

The best thing you can do for yourself, and for him, is to, in fact, respect his decision. If you care about him, that's the right play. Don't hound him. Don't text him, don't email him or call him. Leave him be. And then see what happens.

Is this going to be easy? Hell, no. It's going to be extremely hard. But there are times in this life when we're confronted with things like this. With a little distance from him, you may yet find he's not really the one.

Keep us posted.

Any person has a right to end any relationship at any time for any reason. Maybe he wasn't as into you as you thought. Maybe he met someone else. Maybe he thought you were too needy. Maybe he's a selfish jerk who wants what he wants when he wants it.
If you're looking for permission to get him back "by any means necessary", this isn't the place to find it. Maybe start working on your own insecurity issues and let this guy go with dignity.
Welcome, by the way. And sorry if any of that sounded harsh. I've been in your shoes and felt what you're feeling and after working on myself for awhile, I've come to realize that those feelings were about me, not about the other person.

You need to respect his decision and take care of you.

it takes TWO to be in a relationship, and if one decides to END it, well then it's over.

not easy to accept, but a very valuable life lesson - HOW TO LET THINGS GO. to ALLOW things to GO. for every time a season. for every beginning, and ending, and every ending is really just another new beginning.

we aren't in the "how to get them back" business here, but we certainly are in the "how to get ME back" camp!

i would back off & let it go. if he wants u he will call. sorry, i know this hurts.