CarmenLove

It's been about 10 days since I had contact with my STBXAH.

I am finding it hard / weird that someone who I was so close to for 3 years, married for 1.5 and spoke to every single day is now just so completely GONE from my life.

I know many others have gone through this, and it goes hand in hand with addiction, and it still feels hard to accept.

I really thought he was someone who would always be here for me. I thought that even if there were 'problems' we would somehow work through them or always at least be in contact somehow.

Although I was the one who left I didn't think he would give up on his marriage so easily.

I was so naive.

I still feel shocked.

I don't know - I know he has his own path to follow, and me mine. I wouldn't want him back unless he was truly in recovery, like for a really, really long time, and even then I am not sure I could do it.

However I just kind of always thought he would keep loving me.

He was always SO loving, until last year.

It just feels weird to me. To be that close to someone one minute (like family weren't even anything to do with it, it was always me and him and until the addiction took over he always put me first) to being so, so very far apart and disconnected.

I know there is nothing to be done.

It just feels hard sometimes.

amandamarie

It is hard to find out someone you loved, and thought would fight for you would just just give up so easily, but try to fill your time with positive things to keep your mind off of him. When I left my daughter's father after 4 years, he got a new girlfriend right after, then married, and had a new baby. I felt like it was a slap in the face. He was supposed to fight to get me back, even though I honestly did not want him. Then I realized that I left him for a good reason, and now I have moved on, and life is better. Hang in their things will get better. Each day he will enter your mind a little less.

hopeful4

It is hard. I was married for so long. Yesterday I was walking out of church with my X and my girls to get their stuff from his car as they were with him for the weekend. It felt so odd b/c it was just like it was for so many years, it all seemed so normal. Then to get into separate cars, and me drive home and he drive to his new home and new life. It's just bizarre.

I am totally fine with it, this has been a good change. It's still just creeps up on me sometimes.

Hugs to you! XXX

CarmenLove

Thanks Hopeful and Amandamarie,

It helps to know that you guys understand.

mnh1982

I'm with you. Not a day goes by that I don't truly, honestly wish that exAH would walk through the door, clean, sober & ready to get on with our marriage & raising our son.
Not a day goes by that I don't cry a little because I know in my heart of hearts that that will never happen-not in that combination, anyway. And I can't accept anything less than total commitment, sobriety & honesty.
I'm not going to say it will get "easier" but you will learn to trudge through the hard, painful moments to find fun, happiness & support on the other side. Find someone non-judgmental who will allow you to contact them & just SAY 'I miss him today' or 'I don't understand'.
It helps.
Hugs, lady. PM me if you need

SuzyMarie

Carmen, I completely understand!! I still struggle and it has been almost 10 months since we broke up for the "last" time. It was a long time coming, but it was actually him who ended it this last time, but in the past it always came back around, which was completely unhealthy. He'd beg, I'd relent... rinse, lather and repeat. Come to find out that he is in a relationship, which he denies and really it is not my business. He will occasionally call my work and claims to "miss me tremendously, maybe we'll get back together in the future", blah blah. I honestly do not want to be in a relationship with him, but that sick, wounded part of me wants someone to love me, even if they are really unhealthy and sick. At least he'd be MY unhealthy sick problem. And believe me, he is very sick right now, so if he is in a relationship, I actually feel sorry for her ( when I am not trying to live in fantasy land thinking our situation could miraculously change...lol). And really, I am in a good place in my life right now. I have a great relationship with my kids, a 1 year old grandson who I adore, peace in my home...the atmosphere is so different without him there! But if I engage with him, even the tiniest bit, it can set me back, but thankfully, I process each time quicker and try to learn from it. Ugh, sorry for the vent. Just want you to know you aren't alone.

Jorgenss

It's easy to fantasize about them while they are away. The reality is that they aren't with us because of the hurt they cause when present. They are not capable of loving us when active.

I'm going to paraphrase Zoso... It's what they do. They are not capable of giving in a relationship. It's ok to mourn, and to miss them.

Each day is easier. Sending hugs your way.

CarmenLove

Thank you for the responses everybody.

It is getting easier.

It would be a whole lot easier if I didn't miss him (although I don't miss the drug / addiction part).