ladybug152

It's been awhile since I posted on here about my son's father. He went to detox for five days and didn't go to rehab or no meetings and seemed to be doing okay. Wish he would have went but that's his choice I know. But I just recently got myself a job at a dollar general store like 0.2 miles down from my house and he said he agreed to watch the boys. He said it will help him stay busy and be fun. It's been a week things been okay till Monday. He asked me if I loved him and I said yes which I do. Then he asked if I was in love with him and I said I don't know. Then he flew off the handle but I mean I was being honest. I was in love with him once but I think I just got tired of the hurt, anger,and disappointment. I just wanted him to be a good dad to his son and his son to know his dad. Which sometimes I think he shouldn't but I believe in second chances but his second chances have ran out at this point. Yesterday he came over looking all doped up but he was "tired". Today my mom seen him throw up but he said it was him eating old food. Always his excuse was/is ate something bad. Like really? I think he is back on pills and heroin. Yesterday really made me wonder. I was off yesterday and I bought us a red bull and it jacked him up but looking in his eyes I believe he was high. My dad came home for lunch and asked what was wrong with him. I think sometime Monday to yesterday he got back on dope. We have been arguing a lot and I'm just torn. I do love him and want him to straighten up but as of in love I'm scared. I don't know if I can go through the rest of my life being a dictator and babysit him. Wondering if he is doing drugs. Does he love me? Yes,I think so. Does he love the boys? 100% without a doubt I know he does. I just am torn and just am about to lose it. Maybe I should tell him how I fell. He says I'm blocking him out of my life. Yes,I believe I am. On purpose? I don't know. Sorry just torn,tired,and emotional.

CarmenLove

Hi Ladybug,

So sorry hon.

The advice I was given when I was in a very similar situation about a month ago is - if you suspect he is using, he is using.

Trust your gut. Whatever you feel from the waist down, listen to that.

No meetings & no program doesn't sound like true recovery to me.

What support have you got? Are you going to Al Anon or Nar-Anon?

I don't know what you should do about the relationship, however I do know that I was told, and have seen through reading the other stories here, that if he is not in recovery it does get worse. Not to scare you and I think it's important to be aware that he may be a good Dad now, however with the progressive disease of addiction that will not necessarily always be true.

So sorry you are dealing with this.

Suggest you focus first on your own recovery.

Sending hugs.

ladybug152

Thanks Carmen! And no meetings for me around here in the country where I live in. But yeah he has been very,very worse than this. He was sober for almost a month but now I believe he isn't. If he gets back bad on pills and heroin he be out doping and stealing to get high and maybe see him once in a week or two.