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Childhood With Over Celebrating & Playing Adult Leading To Problems?

Old 04-25-2015, 12:53 PM
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Childhood With Over Celebrating & Playing Adult Leading To Problems?

Are the extravagant lengths teens desire and go through for things like prom/graduation creating unrealistic expectations and that life is a party. And when they do not get that party they get depressed or disappointed to the point they just stepped on a road that winds up in addiction?



Setting aside money which is ridiculous aren't some of these parties or celebrations for things like graduation over kill? No one is saying you can't have "a" party or "a" celebration or get together but don't the limos, dress/fashion, locations and expensive entertainment lead to a sense of entitlement? Is this creating false expectations that life is a party? Or that fashion statements and choice of entertainment is very important-not.

I see the same thing with birthdays and births with people plastering their lawn with signs like "It's A Boy"(or girl) or the number on an adults birthday like 50. Kids seeing this stuff all their lives might come to expect this as the norm. Weddings are another example of financial and celebratory overkill.

Could a childhood of seeing the great lengths people go to for celebrating quite common things actually lead to the false expectation that life is a party? And when there is no "party" or the party is over is when the unwarranted depression might set in and thus a path to addiction to drugs, alcohol and lifestyle?
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Old 04-25-2015, 01:36 PM
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I couldn't agree more. I think my son's generation (he's 25) got the brunt of this. Parents didn't have time to put on at-home birthday parties, so they had to take them "on-site" and from there it became a one-upping atmosphere....bigger favors...better food, bigger venue, etc.
Quite sad.
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Old 04-25-2015, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by thequest View Post
I see the same thing with birthdays ... or the number on an adults birthday like 50.
It's childish to insist on having orchestrated, mandated birthday parties every year after adulthood. OK, maybe the years that end with 0 are OK. But with every year, the need to have a big birthday party gets less cute. It's like dressing an adult in pink and blue.
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Old 04-25-2015, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by INgal View Post
I couldn't agree more. I think my son's generation (he's 25) got the brunt of this. Parents didn't have time to put on at-home birthday parties, so they had to take them "on-site" and from there it became a one-upping atmosphere....bigger favors...better food, bigger venue, etc.
Quite sad.
You nailed with "...a one-upping atmpsphere...". And that's the problem leaving childhood and high school with impractical expectations. They already have a life style addiction by the time they start college or an attitude of can't wait until the next party

I saw this during the 1980s. If it wasn't a night club making one get dressed up it was tv shows like Miami Vice showing a life from drug money with expensive clothes, cars and yachts.

The addict here started out going to clubs or dress up bars in the 1980s which influenced his priorities and tastes on clubs & clothes. I firmly believe he saw style in Miami Vice and not the drug war or "cool" cops. We thought he had grown out of it by the mid 90s but decades later his priorities & fashion tastes are more expensive with no job, begging for money and doing a variety substances & alcohol along with what ever for money.

They say maturity stops when the substance abuse starts so a very good guess would have him starting the drug life in the 1980s as a juvenile and young adult. Ironically the people he bar hopped with in the 80s and early 90s are almost completely out of his life-and successful. He has found a new group or generation of friends to live that same life with.
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Old 04-25-2015, 08:14 PM
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Yep, I agree completely with the stunted maturity. It happened with my son. So many of his friends have moved on... He's still in adolescence in some ways.
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Old 04-26-2015, 05:30 PM
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I think it matters how the celebrations are held. I had the opposite kind of upbringing than my AH had. We were dirt poor, in the trailer park, mom rode the bus, the whole sob story. We didn't celebrate birthdays because there was no money and we got three small gifts each for Christmas.

AH was raised upper middle class. He has been all over Europe and he's only in his late twenties. He has been bought several cars by his parents. They went to Disneyland every year and my first christmas at his house I broke down in tears because of how all the presents filled the room.

We both are addicted to the same thing. I felt entitled because "I never had a childhood like I should have" He says "I grew up around celebrations"

It doesn't matter.

Life really is a party! People should plaster their lawns with birth announcements and celebrate graduation lavishly! They should not, however, get wasted at cousin Johns wedding reception. It's not the celebration that's the issue for me... it's HOW they celebrate that's the problem.
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Old 04-27-2015, 12:47 AM
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Originally Posted by INgal View Post
Yep, I agree completely with the stunted maturity. It happened with my son. So many of his friends have moved on... He's still in adolescence in some ways.
The most loving thing to say sometimes is "no."

My addict graduated in the early 1980s. He"hangs around with other people who graduated around then, doing drugs as if they're just "experimenting" even as the years become decades and generations. Running home to mommies who need to be needed surpasses even their addict's need for narcotics.

They're in a perpetual 1982. It's just sad.
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Old 04-27-2015, 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted by MissUs2015 View Post
The most loving thing to say sometimes is "no."

My addict graduated in the early 1980s. He"hangs around with other people who graduated around then, doing drugs as if they're just "experimenting" even as the years become decades and generations. Running home to mommies who need to be needed surpasses even their addict's need for narcotics.

They're in a perpetual 1982. It's just sad.
The addict from the 1980s, ouch.

To me the 1980s was the decade that made "partying" more acceptable by over glamourizing the party "experience" with expensive bars & night clubs, clothing and I guess branding/status. Even drug dealers got an upgrade from a criminal one only dealt with in dark alleys to facilitator or go to person at bars & parties. I think it was the 80s that the DJ and/or orchestrated party or wedding became more common trying capture some of the club experience.

If something like cocaine did not have the club experience or drug of the rich associated I think cocaine and/or crack would've been just another fad.

I realize there are many reasons for drug abuse but to stay on topic I think "the party" contributes to a lot of it.
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Old 04-27-2015, 04:35 PM
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As with any scientific hypothesis, correlation does not mean causation. I think it's silly to say that lavish birthday parties and proms (or lack there of) cause people to turn to drugs... Addiction is rooted much deeper than that. I am 23, an (recovered) addict, and grew up in an addicted family. There is so much more at play... I never expected life to be a party - quite the opposite. I expected my entire life to be hell and THAT is what I was depressed about and tried to run away from with drugs. I used drugs to escape - not to party, though it may have looked like partying at times. I craved normalcy. I don't think most addicts want the world, I think most just want "normal" because they don't feel normal. Nobody that I know thinks that "normal" looks like a $1200 prom...
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Old 04-27-2015, 05:57 PM
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I agree with Jay, it's not about the celebration it's about values and if money is your biggest "value" (no pun intended) then it's time to take a good look in the mirror.

I grew up struggling middle class, a small paycheck away from poor. We had love in my family and every birthday was a special day and others in the family would do special things for the birthday celebrant. My mother would bake a cake and hide a nickle wrapped in wax paper in it and it was fun seeing who got the nickel. On my mother's birthday we gave her the day off and did all the cooking and cleaning and got help from my grandpa to bake her a cake.

Money can't buy that any more than money can make a bad home good.

I fault the schools for allowing such elaborate proms and graduation that limo's and tux's are the requirements to attend. And parents for feeding into them.

Is any of this a reason to pick up drugs? Only if someone wants it to be. Making good choices in life may begin with the decision that drugs will not be part of your life, and then keeping your promise.
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