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Back from vacation :)

Old 04-24-2015, 08:38 AM
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Back from vacation :)

So I brought my recovering or addict husband with me and our two kids. We had an amazing time in Disney and he had obviously not used drugs the whole time we were down there.

BUT - as soon as we get back his self destructive behavior resumes. He thinks I don't notice. Why should I say something when he will just deny it anyway. So, I think to myself what I want to do. I go over the pros and cons in my head. I pretty much have been battling myself not knowing what I should do - if I should DO anything at all.

Right now his van has been broken down since Thanksgiving. He works for me at my business as a driver 3 days a week. He only takes $10 per day and the rest goes in my bank to pay for bills/rent/life. The money helps especially since I have had teeth emergencies and vehicles emergencies. I'm getting through it thankfully with a lot of help from my family. He is subscribed suboxine which I accidentally found out he sold 20 of his pills. He forgot them in the glove compartment and I happened to see them and my curiosity got the best of me and I counted them. I didn't go out of my way it sort of just slapped me in the face. Well - it only confirmed what I already knew. So, even having proof doesn't make anything different. I have made comments to him that i'm not sure what I want to do. He knows that I know but is waiting for my next move. I told him this morning that I don't want to live like this. It's scary that he wants to continue to use a substance that can kill him, put him back in jail and wreck his character. Rationally makes no sense to use if hes subscribed drugs to not use. The only explanation is he's not done. I don't trust him with money at all. He's not a partner but more of a helper.
I'm sad that he's just so helpless. He tries to be over nice to me and really plays a good game. He's nice to me, doesn't hurt me, plays with the kids - but when he spirals out of control he is very financially abusive. Even though I have protected myself every way financially from him.
I don't know what i'm going to do. I'm just putting it out there. Thanks for listening.

P.S. I have continued to log my food and take care of myself.
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Old 04-24-2015, 10:25 AM
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There are three choices for a person in your situation: 1: stay and be happy, 2: stay and be unhappy; and 3: leave.

You see some redeeming features: he's nice to you; he's great with the kids, he's a good helper. Maybe you need to just accept that this is the best it gets with him and try to be happy.

My main concern though would be that addiction is progressive. It gets worse. And he doesn't seem to show any sign of wanting to stop.

But really, the ball is in your court. He is showing you who you is. He is not interested in changing. It's up to you to accept it or not.
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Old 04-24-2015, 10:44 AM
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I'm giving it a go at trying to accept this is the best it gets. I know the disease is progressive and that it will get worse. I'm putting the effort I use to put into him to "stop or quit" into myself. I feel that I will eventually leave him since I separate things already in my mind. Like, refusing to buy a house (I can't afford it anyway in my part of the country) The houses literally start at $250,000k and up. It's total lunacy. I can't even buy a burnt down shack for under 150,000K. I am part owner of my family business so leaving isn't an option either. I like renting. No lawn or oil bill to worry about
I'm not holding myself back from things I want to do because of him and am focusing on living in the most positive environment for me and the kids. When I do look into the future it's without his input. Because who knows if he will be around or not? He's rolling the dice with his life and so many people over dose. So, time will unfold.
I'm looking forward to a nice evening walk with a good friend
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