texts from rehab
 

my last post was a letter to my exhusband whom i left 8 months ago and just recently (beginning of march) left for a rehab facility in California. He is there for 90 days --- hopefully longer if he chooses the sober living home afterwards.

I guess there was a 45 day blackout in which they could not have phones. that time has come & gone & guess who he chooses to spend him time texting & calling? Lucky me!

Keep in mind, when i left in September - I made a clean break. i divided bills back into our seperate names, i got an attorney, i asked for child support and recently filed custody papers. It was a long time coming and I was leaving no room for him to have hope that we would ever, ever reconcile.

I am kind of stuck as to what do regarding all the contact he's had lately.
I said, politely, and only once - "i will see you in court. please stop texting me."
to which he's responded with, "You're an *******. I actually like you more than I ever have all of a sudden & now you hate me. You can't hate me."

Or - "Embrace me, love me. We are not living like this anymore."

Or my favorite -- "You cannot make me not love you."

When i left, he didn't even bat an eye. Didn't ask me to come back. Actually voiced that he was so happy i wasn't there to get in the way of "what he wanted to do" aka pills & heroin.

So my question, I guess, -- do I reach out to his counselor and advise about the constant contact? Waking up to 6 texts in the morning doesn't feel good to me. Do I stay completely silent like I've been?

Ughhhhhhhhhh... i kinda wish he'd just fall off the other side of the country while he's there.

I would block him. And if he managed to get through again I'd seriously think about a restraining order.

Ditto to that. Block him or just don't read it and delete. If you never respond, he will eventually tire out of it.

Dear anxiouswife2,

You can definitely let his counselors know. It might help their work with him. And block his number from texting or calling you. He's in rehab, so he's supposed to work on himself, not text you all sort of stuff multiple times a day, especially the mean stuff.

If he starts trying to reach you via other ways and/or you feel harassed or threatened, a restraining order can help. Since he's already not living with you in the same residence, it's a lot simpler - a magistrate can issue the order as quickly as overnight.

I'm going through a somewhat similar situation (I'm on the East Coast, husband going to treatment in CA.) He's been to many detoxes/rehabs before. His texts have also gone across the spectrum basically from "you are an a******" to "I love and miss you so much, more than anything or anyone in the world"; from "I can't believe you've abandoned me" to "You are the best thing that ever happens to me." The change in tone can be so drastic, as much as I've got used to it, I'm still somewhat surprised every time it switches.

No cell phones were allowed at my daughter's rehab. I'm surprised your soon to be Ex doesn't have the same rules. I would most definitely call his counselor and report what is happening. You need to block him. Just curious, why haven't you done that yet?

Block him, or change your number to an unlisted one. I too would let his counsellors know that he has been messaging you. Sounds like you've travelled a long journey in your own recovery. Don't let his messages pull you back, he is already succeeding by the ill feeling you have reading them.

I called his counselor & he got his phone taken away..... Shew! thank you for all of your responses.... I'm baffled as to why they let him have it back after 45 days either. Blocking was the next step but i am hesitant to block as i still want to be made aware when he's back in the state in a couple months for purely selfish reasons - so i can be prepared and on guard really.

Anciouxwife... did he even acknowlege the letter? His behaviors contacting you like that are creepy and deceitful if you ask me! Sounds like you're gonna have a stalker on your hands. I don't think a RO is a bad idea.

He's been inpatient for more than 2 months. The phone is gone, thank god...
however, his counselor did reach out to me as he was just wanted to know where i stood and said that my ex is holding out a lot of hope that i didnt mean what i said in the letter i sent and that being clean will resolve it.

i told him, in more words...but, "no way."
his counselor said he has a lot of denial to breakthrough and will try to work on it before he is released. a restraining order is NOT a bad idea if we are still in the same boat when it comes time for him to come back. i am terrified, really.

Yeah, sounds like he's definitely fixated on you for now.

I would get a restraining order the next time he contacted me, or at least have the police give him a call. I had a stalker BF, it is scary. Thankfully he gave up after a couple months and a couple calls from the police.

I hope he gets the message, try to stay in today and not get worried about tomorrow.

Thanks for the update, Anxious Wife. Where does he expect to go when he's released? I'm worried for you.

I'm worried for you also. Please keep communicating with the counselor so you know when he is going to get out and what to expect.

Take care. XXX

He is going to live with his parents...about 15 minutes away from my daughter & i's house. June 8 th he will get off a plane and im sure i wont sleep the week before. the letters ive recieved completely overlook any and everything i've said and the part that pisses me off is that more than once, they've said "NO you cannot leave. you're married, you said til death do we part. you will not leave me." i hate that is making demands - even though they mean nothing, and they're written on paper. it just rubs me the wrong way and makes me feel like i have a long road ahead...

Please, please take all of the texts, letters, anything you have received in writing and go to the police station and explain your situation. They will be able to tell you whether you can file an order now...and I hope that it will be possible.

AnxiousWife2...Seren hits it out of the park. No games. Do what is necessary to protect yourself.

My ex-husband was the same.... Had a 3 year restraining order... 5 years later he is still looking for me. As the others have said. Do what you need to do to
protect yourself. In my experience, it does not go away.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I will be looking into this this week.
The threats are enough. I've worked way too hard for my daughter & I to be out of the chaos to be sucked back in just because he refuses to accept the situation he worked hard to make. the saga continues i guess..

Yes please do look into a restraining order.

When we leave them, we become their next excuse for drinking/using. We get added to the top of the pile. And depending on if they drink/use again who knows where their minds and actions will take them.

Not much to add except he's treating you like you're HIS PROPERTY. That scares me for you. He's losing control and if he doesn't care about himself, he could be tempted to take you down with him. Please get the RO.

Ro.